


Again

by BeaconMineshaftII



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Children, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Non-Consensual Touching, Past Infidelity, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Pregnancy, Reunions, Smut, St. Patrick's Day, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:40:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 56
Words: 81,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23187907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaconMineshaftII/pseuds/BeaconMineshaftII
Summary: Cecilia MrCarthy runs into Boston's favorite twins while taking shelter from the rain one day. After one night of drinking together, Cecilia finds the twins becoming an integral part of her life after they help her throw out her cheating fiance. It doesn't take long until she finds herself moving on with the darker-haired twin and falling for his Irish shenanigans. (Begins pre-Saints calling, converges into normal cannon for BDS1, diverges again after the first film, and ends post-AUBDS2). Just with some added romance and drama.) [Title inspired by Sasha Sloan's "Again."]
Relationships: Connor MacManus & OC, Connor McManus & OC, Murphy MacManus/OC, Murphy McManus/OC, Rocco & OC
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Set Me On Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Set Me On Fire" by Flyleaf

I was too enraptured in my own thoughts to notice the dark clouds rolling in above the streets of Boston. And I was certainly too distracted to notice the shift in the air right before it began to downpour. As soon as the rain hit me, I began to cuss under my breath. There weren’t many places open on the street I was on since it was so late. But there was an Irish Pub that would likely go into the early hours of the morning. That would be a safe place to wait out the storm.

Once I was inside, I pushed my slightly damp red hair away from my face and scanned the bar. There was an empty booth. It became my booth as I flopped onto the bench, throwing my messenger bag on the table, and put my forehead down on my arms. I had been trying to go home after spending the last few hours at the library doing research for my term paper. Tired was an understatement. I was in my last year of graduate school for European archaeology. I loved the subject matter, but it was a lot of work.

I was also a bit out of sorts from breaking up with my fiance. It’s been a rough year. All of his things should be out of the apartment though. That had been his plan for today at least.

A glass was set down in front of me. I looked up curiously, narrowing my brown eyes slightly. A man a bit older than me was standing there. He was watching me, his blue eyes curious. 

“You looked like you could use a drink,” he said. He had an Irish accent. It was thick. That took me by surprise a bit. In Boston, almost everyone has a Boston accent. I’m not from here, my ex is, so I don’t have that accent.

“That’s an understatement,” I smiled slightly. I shivered a bit from the draftiness of the bar and being wet. I motioned to the seat across from me. “Thank you, I’m Cecilia.”

He sat. “I’m Murphy.” A waitress came over, asking if we needed anything.

“Coffee, please.” She immediately brought a cup over, pouring some into the cup. I drank enough of it to put the shot of whiskey into it. Murphy’s lips twitched into a smile, approving of my decision. “Are you from Ireland?”

He nodded, “I am. Are you from Boston?”

“No,” I laughed. “I’m from Pennsylvania. I moved here for,” I paused, “I guess school.” I had only gone to this school for my ex so that I could afford to move in with him. But now that that’s over, being here is pointless, isn’t it?

“You don’t seem very certain of that,” he leaned forward slightly, studying me. I shivered again, though not from the cold this time. There was such an intensity in his gaze. It was like he was seeing more than what was physically in front of him. I was drawn to it.

“It wasn’t the original reason, but it’s the reason now. I’m almost done. Might as well just finish here.” He nodded, curious, but decided not to press any more.

“What’re you in for?”

“Archaeology,” I smiled slightly. He looked surprised and I laughed, pulling out one of my textbooks. “It’s not a very common answer. I’m here for my master’s degree. I’m specifically studying European archaeology. I’ve always wanted to travel Europe.”

Before Murphy was able to respond, a slightly more drunk man his age stumbled over, plopping down in the booth across from me. He leaned against Murphy heavily, fixing me with a stare before grinning.

“You made a friend, Murph! Introduce me,” he said, taking a drink of his whiskey.

“I don’t think she wants to know yer name,” Murphy rolled his eyes, pushing the other man off of him slightly. 

“I’m Connor.”

“Cecilia,” I laughed, enjoying their antics.

“See? She wants to know my name.” He saw the book in front of me and slid it to him. “Archaeology? Ye like old things,” he grinned. “Explains why you’re talking to us.” I furrowed my brows.

“I don’t think you’re much older than me.”

“I dunno, how old are you?”

“I’m twenty-seven.”

“Yer just a baby!” Connor laughed. Murphy rolled his eyes.

“We’re thirty, that’s hardly a difference.” Connor looked at Murphy, before speaking Russian. They were clearly speaking about me, though I don’t speak Russian. I tuned them out, instead looking around the bar. It was decorated with a lot of clutter. It was homey. I like it, I decided as I finished my coffee and whiskey. The waitress came over to refill my coffee but I stopped her.

“Tullamore Dew, double, neat,” I requested. She looked impressed, smiled, and nodded before going back over to the bar.

“Your girl’s a whiskey drinker!” Connor said excitedly. “Guess you chose right.”

“My dad was Irish,” I said, pointing to my hair. “I color it brighter, but I am a redhead. My last name’s McCarthy.”

“An Irish lass from Pennsylvania all the way up here in Boston,” Murphy mused. The waitress brought my drink over along with refills for Connor and Murphy. They’re regulars.

It finally stopped raining a few hours later, just a bit after midnight. I was fairly drunk by then, still amused by the McManus twins. They had been drinking more than I was but they seemed less drunk. Then again, I guess I don’t drink very often and I’m a good bit smaller than both of them.

They insisted on making sure I got home safely and after stumbling a bit, I agreed. Murphy helped me while Connor carried my bag. “You got bricks in here? This is heavier than you,” he asked, surprised by the weight.

“Now you see why I’m so tired. I just have to lug all of those books around all of the time,” I said with a giggle, clutching onto Murphy’s arm. He helped me outside, the cool air making me feel a bit more steady. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window when I turned to look at Connor struggling to keep my books steady. My hair was out of its bun, my curls having returned to normal with the humidity in the air. I looked and felt the most free that I had in a long time.

Connor did most of the talking on the way to my apartment, which was about a fifteen minute walk on the outskirts of the Irish neighborhood.

“This one,” I pointed to the building. “I’m on the top floor.”

“‘Course you are,” Murphy grinned. We took the elevator up. As soon as I got to my door, I knew something was wrong. Music was playing inside. I ran my hand through my hair.

“He’s not supposed to fuckin’ be here,” I mumbled, trying to sort out my keys. The door opened.

Aidan looked furious, but I pushed by him angrily.

“You’re not supposed to be here anymore. You don’t live here,” I said, motioning to the apartment. He had packed nothing. But he wasn’t paying attention to me, he was sizing up the twins, who had gone from friendly and relaxed to sizing him up. Men.

“She asked you to leave and you’re still here,” Connor said, setting my bag down inside the door.

“She’s my fiance,” Aidan said gruffly.

“Ex, I gave you the ring back!” I yelled helpfully from the hallway as I staggered back to the bedroom. If he’s not gonna pack his shit, then I will, I thought to myself defiantly. My name’s on the lease, I can just throw him out. He’d be fine. He can go sleep in someone else’s bed like he always does. I started throwing shit in bags. If it reminded me of him, it went in the bag.

“Cec, what the fuck are you doing?” Aidan growled angrily, trying to reach for me. Connor pulled him back as Murphy stood in front of me protectively. I only half noticed as I continued to pack for him. I shoved a bag at Aidan, he clutched it indignantly.

“Did you think I was kidding? I literally want you gone and out of my life. Just go stay with Stephanie or Carol or whatever the fuck their names are,” I waved my hand, grabbing another empty bag with my other hand. Every last thing that was his would be out of this apartment or so help me. The bedroom was clear. I tried to leave for the bathroom. “Move, please!”

Aidan gave little resistance, mostly thanks to the twins. While Murphy stared down Aidan, Connor began to help me gather his shit and finish stuffing it in the bag. Aidan took it when I gave it to him, finishing by giving him his jacket and hat. I struggled to take my key off of his keys before throwing those into his arms. Wallet, too, after I removed the picture of me he kept in it.

I stared at him, daring him to say anything. He said nothing, clenching his jaw, and then left. Murphy and Connor began talking to one another, using much more hushed voices than they probably needed to. I was just ready to sleep. I fell onto the couch, curling up with one of the pillows. The apartment was a mess from me shoving things out of the way to get Aidan’s stuff but it was all my stuff now. Within minutes, I was asleep.


	2. Halfway Sober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Halfway Sober" by Anarbor

I woke up the next morning disoriented and thirsty. The sun was brighter than usual, telling me I was up later than normal. Somehow I made it into my bed. I stretched as I stood up and wandered into the living room. The twins were still asleep, apparently having decided to spend the night here in case Aidan came back.

Guess I owe them some breakfast for their troubles. They slept like bricks, I noted, as I walked by them and into the kitchen. By the time I was putting food onto plates, they were up and in the kitchen. I was right to predict that they’d eat a lot more than I thought they would.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph that was delicious,” Connor admitted, leaning back in the chair satisfied. Before I could reply, there was a knock at the door. I glanced at the clock. Shit. I forgot to tell the band I wasn’t coming to practice.

“Well shit,” I muttered, pushing myself up from the table. I opened the door to three very petulant looking guys. They scanned the room, discovered Aidan wasn’t there, and then looked surprised when Murphy walked into the room, his blue eyes sizing up who they might be.

“Didn’t know you had company,” Tyler, the blond, grinned. I rolled my eyes. Murphy looked back at Connor as he came up on Murphy’s side. “Well, shit, I’m impressed, McCarthy.”

“You’re an idiot, Tyler,” I rolled my eyes again. He laughed delightedly, walking into the room with full confidence. He extended a hand to Murphy.

“I’m Tyler, Cec’s friend.” The brothers seemed to immediately notice the instruments on the boys’ backs. “You know nothing about any of us, huh?”

“I literally met them last night, idiot,” I scowled. Caleb and Adam shared a glance, probably wondering where Aidan is. “Aidan’s gone, they helped me kick him out. I think. I was pretty drunk.”

“It was mostly you,” Connor replied. He took out a cigarette to smoke it. I snatched it from his hand.

“Outside, we don’t smoke here.”

“You don’t smoke at all,” Adam corrected, heading straight to the kitchen and helping himself to some bacon.

“Which is why we don’t smoke in here.”

“Sorry, we’ll take it outside,” Connor grinned sheepishly. I pointed to a balcony.

“I’ll join you,” Tyler decided, towering over the brothers as he followed them outside onto the tiny balcony. They looked uneasy but that disappeared pretty quickly. Tyler’s very easy to talk to.

“So what happened?” Caleb and Adam asked. They’re brothers, a few years apart, but they act like twins sometimes. I sat on the couch with them, quickly running through what had happened the night before.

“And they just slept out here on the floor?” Adam questioned. I nodded. “Chivalry still exists.”

“Right? I thought that shit only happened in the movies.”

“Well, we’ll take Tyler and get out of your hair. If he’s done trying to figure out if they’re gay or not.” A tinge of jealousy colored Adam’s voice. I chuckled. Tyler’s flirtatious, but he only has eyes for Adam. Everyone knows it but Adam.

“I’m pretty sure they’re straight,” I laughed. He looked a little relieved by that. The trio came back in from outside, Tyler had them laughing about something or other.

“You done flirting over there, Casanova?” Caleb teased, standing with Adam.

“I have to know what company our girl is keeping,” Tyler shrugged. He gave Adam a quick peck on the forehead before grabbing his hand and going towards the door. Caleb shook his head, looking tired.

“My wife is less of a drama queen than those two,” he mumbled before pulling some papers out of the front pocket of the case for his bass guitar. “Tyler and I were writing some new bars and a few lines of lyrics if you can make them something usable.”

I glanced at the papers, humming out a few notes. “Yeah, I can work with it. I’ll work on it later and get back to you guys Thursday?”

“Sweet, you’re the best.”

“I know.”

The three boys gave me hugs before leaving, likely going to go hang out anyway. “Should’ve guessed you did music,” Connor noted, looking around the apartment now that he had a clearer head. There was a baby grand piano in a corner, sheet music scattered haphazardly everywhere, and an acoustic guitar propped up against the TV stand.

“Yeah, Aidan used to bitch I just kept that shit everywhere,” I laughed. I guess at some point I had just stopped caring about what he thought about it. My apartment, my space. If he wanted to change it, he could stop sleeping around. I had put up with that much longer than I should have, I thought with a pang of guilt.

“You look like you already need a drink,” Murphy noted. I turned to meet his eyes, fighting to keep from examining his face. There was something dark and brooding about him. I’d have to be careful around him because that’s entirely my type.

“Probably but it’s like 11 AM.”

“So? Liquor stores open at 8,” Connor pointed out. I looked back and forth between the boys before sighing. Fuck it. I could use a drink. I went into the kitchen, sliding a kitchen chair over against one of the counters. I stood on it, well aware that the boys were watching me. I moved one of the decorative statues I had sitting there to reveal a mostly full bottle of whiskey.

“Hidden liquor,” Connor laughed. 

“You are our kind of girl after all,” Murphy grinned. I rolled my eyes, handing him the bottle. Tullamore Dew. It’s usually what whiskey I drink. I opened the cabinet, also grabbing some glasses and handing them to him. Murphy didn’t even need my direction. Aidan always did. See, I knew it wasn’t that hard.

We poured some drinks before returning to the living room just to hang out. It was like hanging out with Tyler, Caleb, and Adam. Just...easy. The conversations were easy, mostly with the twins, as I learned, trying to outdo one another with embarrassing stories. My dad would have absolutely loved them, I thought sadly. He died when I was little but it never really got easier. I still talk to him every chance I get. Whether I’m just cleaning or doing laundry. He’s always around me. Always listening. I don’t need proof of that, I just know it.

“What’s wrong? Ye look sad,” Connor questioned as Murphy excused himself to the bathroom.

“My dad would’ve loved you guys,” I admitted. “He was from Ireland. There aren’t many Irish folks where I grew up, so he missed it a lot.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said quietly, his gaze softening a bit.

“He died when I was eight,” I shook my head. “I just miss what could’ve been, you know?”

“Yeah, our Ma raised us on her own. Never knew our Da,” Murphy said, leaning against the door from. He always looked like he was trying to solve me like I was some kind of puzzle, like he was trying to look into me, not just at me.

“Moms are special people,” I smiled. I pointed to a picture of my parents on my wall. “That’s them.”

“Ye look like yer ma,” Connor noted.

“‘Cept for the hair,” Murphy agreed. They nodded in unison. 

“Mom’s Italian and German,” I laughed. “Got her eyes though.” 

“You do, they’re beautiful,” the boys answered without missing a beat. I smiled, fixing them with a steady gaze, tilting my head to the side. Were they trying to work some kind of angle on me?

“Thank you, but I hope you know I’m not won over by compliments,” I said, fueled a bit by the confidence in my glass. I clearly took them by surprise, Connor especially. They must be used to women fawning all over them. Murphy turned a bit pink while Connor tried to cover up his surprise by laughing.

“You’re a bit forward, aren’t ye lass?” Connor nudged his brother. Murphy pulled out of his embarrassment just to realize that I was watching him, a smile on my lips.

“I am on occasion,” I moved my gaze to Connor. I set my glass on the coffee table, standing up to stretch. I was starting to feel cooped up. Normally I’m off doing something at all times. I have trouble sitting still. If I am sitting still, I’m working on something. Dad used to tell me that idle hands are the devil’s play things. So he taught me to play guitar and piano so I would never have idle hands. I got the feeling Murphy was the same way. He was a lot less calm than his brother. He sat less and stood still less.

I stepped onto the balcony. This apartment wasn’t the cheapest, but it had a nice view of the city. It was part of why I had picked it. The twins stepped out onto the balcony for a smoke. Connor lit cigarettes for both of them, I noted. They’re twins, but they’re also best friends. It was nice. Caleb and Adam are the same way. They’re also best friends with their significant others, but there’s a bond between siblings you can’t break. It was something I had always wanted to have with someone but never had. Maybe that part of me was broken, I thought as I looked out at the afternoon sky. I think that’s why I love archaeology so much. There are so many stories waiting to be rediscovered and retold. Lovers that died together, murdered each other, or were torn apart by circumstance. Brothers that killed for each other only to be killed by each other. Learning their stories always filled the hole in my chest a little bit. Even if it was temporary.

“It’s a beautiful view of the city,” Connor broke the silence.

“Aye, we’ve never really looked at it like this,” Murphy agreed as he leaned on the railing beside me. He was studying me though, I could tell without looking at him. Connor moved to my other side, looking down at the street below.

“It’s nice, let’s go for a walk, aye?”

Murphy looked at Connor over my head, having some silent conversation.

“I mean, if ye feel up to it, lass,” Connor corrected himself. I glanced at the boys curiously. “Ye stuck with us now. We don’ have many friends. So we keep the ones we make close.”

“You’ve known me for like eighteen hours,” I laughed. “Most of which I’ve been drunk for.”

“Best way to get to know someone!” Murphy declared. He seemed to like Connor’s declaration that we were friends now.

I couldn’t help but laugh. They seem to have that effect on people. “Alright, just let me change.” 

I went inside into my room, closing the door behind me, and changing into a pair of jeans, a band tshirt, and combat boots. My leather jacket was probably thrown over the couch. That’s pretty much what daily attire looked like for me. I left my hair down, deciding that the curls were still intact enough not to have to fuss with it or just put it up. I didn’t bother with makeup and I was thankful that I had had some sense at some point last night to take it off.

The boys were sitting on the couch waiting for me, talking in lowered voices. They stopped once I was close enough to hear them. It made me a little suspicious. But I’m naturally a suspicious person. I tried to push the doubt and distrust away. They hadn’t given me a reason to think they had ulterior motives. They’d been nothing but nice. And I could use some nice in my life.

I threw on my jacket, grabbed my purse and put my wallet and ID in it from my messenger bag, and then we left. It was a silent walk for a while. But I didn’t mind. The boys stood on either side of me: Murphy to my right, Connor to my left. We walked kind of aimlessly until we found ourselves in the Fenway District.

Connor began to break the silence as a car began to drive by. A girl a good ten years younger than me stuck herself halfway out the window.

“I LOVE YOUR MUSIC!” she yelled before disappearing back into the car. I grinned, waving at the car as it disappeared. This is the only district I’m ever stopped by people in. We play shows here frequently. Tyler and I agree we’ll be perfectly happy only ever being famous in Fenway. As long as someone relates to our music, that’s all that matters, we had decided. Caleb and Adam were far less serious about music than Tyler and I, so they were also content with that thought. Adam was mostly in it for Tyler and Caleb was mostly in it for Adam. Tyler was in it for me and himself. We had a few history classes together the first year I moved here. We were instant friends. Everything just fell into place from there.

“I didn’ know yer a celebrity,” Connor laughed.

“Only in Fenway,” I laughed. We walked by a record store. A poster for our band was in the front window. Murphy slapped Connor on the chest, pointing to it and stopping in his tracks.

“Holy shite, ye are famous lass,” Murphy grinned. I rolled my eyes, a smile forming on my lips.

“Only in Fenway. This is one of the places that stocks our music whenever we bother to record it to sell,” I admitted. We mostly did live shows. Getting everyone together for band practice was hassle enough.

“In Silent Wrecking,” he mused. “That’s kind of badass.” I actually liked the picture that the boys had picked for the poster. It was about halfway through a set. I was probably a little drunk, based on the whiskey glass by the mic stand. I was sharing a microphone with Tyler while he played on the guitar. Adam was in the back, a look of concentration making his face a little harder than normal, as he kept the rhythm going on the drums. Caleb was grinning at someone in the audience, probably his wife, while strumming on the bass.

“Thanks, it’s a lot of fun.”

We continued walking along, chatting easily now, until we found our way back to the Irish pub from yesterday.

“Might as well,” Connor said cheekily with a wink.

I laughed, realizing that this had been their plan all along. Murphy held the door open as Connor led the way. He picked one of the U shaped booths, making sure I was in the middle. A waitress brought them a bottle of whiskey and three shot glasses. They’re definitely regulars.

We had been there about an hour before a tall man with a lot of hair shoved himself into the booth beside Connor. “You would not believe the day I’ve had! I hate working for those fucks,” he said, stealing a shot from Connor. I squinted at the new man. I was a little drunk, but he looked familiar.

He took notice of me for the first time before his face broke into a grin. “Holy shit, Cecilia! I didn’t know you lived in Boston now,” he grinned before throwing himself over Connor and hugging me.

“Rocco! You were supposed to get out of this fucking place,” I chided him. I tugged on his hair. “Still haven’t cleaned up, have you?”

“The ladies like it,” he grinned, smoothing his hair back in place. I giggled, falling back against Murphy a bit while covering my mouth.

“You two know each other?”

I nodded. “My mom and dad are from Boston,” I explained. “Rocco’s a friend of my cousin’s.God, I haven’t seen you in like fifteen years. Not since you tried tricking me into going on a date with you,” I teased.

“Oh man, I remember that,” he laughed, looking a bit more boyish. “I thought I was so slick trying to tell you that there was a rabbit den hidden in one of the trees.”

“Rabbits nest on the ground,” Murphy said incredulously. I turned slightly to him with a smile.

“I knew that but Rocco didn’t. I knew you had a crush on me so I made you look for it.”

“Until I fell out of a tree and broke my arm.”

“Then I felt bad and kissed your cheek.”

“I didn’t wash that thing for a week. Best day of my life as a teenager.” He then looked at the twins. “How the hell did you meet these two?”

“Well, here actually,” I replied before recounting what had happened yesterday with some input from the twins.

“Jesus, really?” Rocco asked, eyes wide. “That kind of shit only happens in movies.”

“Right? That’s what I said.”

“Yer talkin’ about us?” Murphy teased. I was still leaning against him, I realized. I pulled away slightly.

“I had to explain why there were two random guys in my apartment and my ex-fiance was gone. Caleb and Adam were very concerned that you two had tried to have your way with me when I was in a vulnerable state,” I said, trying my best to sound helpless as I took a sip of my whiskey.

“Ye like to take the piss outta people, aye lass?” Connor laughed.

“On occasion,” I admitted. The boys opened up even more with Rocco around, who was just as easy to talk to as I remembered. Connor let me out of the booth so that Rocco and I could grab the next round.

“Man, I can’t believe you’re back in Boston,” Rocco grinned, shaking his head, as we waited for the waitress to bring refills to where we were standing at the bar. “And you were engaged?”

I waved my hand dismissively. “Was. I should’ve ended it a lot sooner than I did. It just wasn’t right,” I sighed. I’ve spent too much of my life thinking about that relationship and trying to hold it together with someone who didn’t want to work things through. “He cheated on me a lot and I forgave him like six too many times.”

“Jesus, I’m sorry,” he said, his brown eyes softening. I smiled.

“Nope, none of that. No sympathy looks. I don’t want them.”

“Fair enough.” He grabbed the bottle while I took the tray the drinks were on. He put the bottle on the table, sitting beside Connor before he was able to stand again. I began handing out the drinks, cutting Murphy off from standing up to let me back in my seat, instead forcing him to scoot further into the booth.

“I have no idea whose glasses were whose,” I admitted. “But we’re all friends here, so we’ll just share germs.” As we cheersed, I noticed Murphy shoot Connor a smug look. Oh sibling rivalry.

The bar ended up kicking us out at closing time. I wasn’t quite as drunk as I had been yesterday, but I was fairly drunk. I kept a hold of Rocco’s arm to steady me, still catching up with what had happened in his life since I had seen him last. We came to a corner before the twins turned to Rocco.

“Ye makin’ sure she gets home alright?” Connor asked, taking a drag on his cigarette.

“Yeah, I can handle it,” Rocco said proudly.

“Jus’ don’t break his arm,” Murphy smirked at me.

“I make no promises and I can’t be held accountable for any broken bones that may occur,” I said as a disclaimer.

“I can live with that,” Rocco said after a moment. The twins clapped him on the shoulder and went on their way. I watched them for a few seconds before shaking my head. 

Rocco was a perfect gentleman getting me back to my apartment. We were both mostly sober by the time we got back there. I invited him up for some water. 

“You’re still doing the music thing, huh?” Rocco asked, admiring the mess of papers everywhere. 

“Yeah, I’m in a band. The twins got to meet them yesterday. Or they got to meet the twins? I’m not sure of the semantics,” I admitted.

“They sure have taken a liking to you.”

I laughed, pulling my hair up. “I’m pretty sure they just think I’m hot.”

Rocco motioned at me. “I mean...you are.” 

I waved my hand dismissively.

“I also don’t think that’s it. I know the boys, they’re good guys.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean that they weren’t. They just don’t seem,” I hesitated as I tried to come up with the right word. “Relationship oriented?”

“Well, I can’t really argue that. I’ve never seen either of them in a relationship before,” he admitted.

“Exactly. But they seem like they’d be good friends, so I’m hoping they just settle on that,” I declared. I stretched. “I’m exhausted.” I glanced at the clock. “You’re welcome to the couch if you don’t want to go home this late.”

“Yeah, can I use my phone to call your girl?”

I nodded, motioning to the phone hanging on the wall. I left him to get ready for bed. I washed my face, brushed my hair, and went into my room to change. It was the first time I got to actually process that Aidan was gone. I sat on the bed, hugging his pillow and looking around the room. It was weirdly empty without someone else here. Our relationship hadn’t been a real relationship, not really, for the last year. Well, longer, truthfully. I think I was always in it more than he was. 

I pushed those thoughts from my mind and changed into an oversized t-shirt and shorts before crawling into bed. Sleep came uneasily that night.


	3. Big God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Big God" by Florence + the Machine

The next morning, I woke up early as was typical for me. I rolled out my yoga mat and went through a morning flow. After I was done, I put the mat away and went into the bathroom to get a shower. Rocco was asleep on the couch, snoring without a care in the world.

I had just stepped back out of the shower, a towel draped around me, when the bathroom door opened. “Oh geez, I’m sorry Cecilia,” Rocco exclaimed, immediately covering his face with his hands. “I wasn’t thinking.”

I laughed. “It’s fine, Rocco, I’m covered.” He tentatively looked between his fingers before deciding that it was, indeed, safe to look. “I’m done in here anyway.”

I went around him before he could reply and went into my room, closing the door behind me. Dropping the towel, I put on underwear, a bra, and a t-shirt before beginning to apply product to my hair and dry it. After it was dry I put on a pair of jeans, opened my door, and then began my makeup for the day. 

Rocco eventually left for the day, leaving me to work on the music that Caleb had given me and my thesis paper. I stood, pacing, tapping on my leg as I sang to myself:

“You keep me up at night

To my messages, you do not reply

You know I still like you the most

The best of the best and the worst of the worst

Well, you can never know

The places that I go

I still like you the most

You'll always be my favorite ghost”

Yeah, I had something. I went over to the phone, calling Caleb’s number. No answer.

“Hey Caleb, it’s Cec,” I said. “I think I’ve got a rough draft for you guys. Just call me back when you get this.” I hung up, making some quick notes and switching over to my thesis paper again. I ended up becoming so absorbed in my work that I didn’t realize how late it had gotten until my phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered, half paying attention.

“Cecilia?” Caleb answered. “Have you left your apartment today?”

“Uhhhh,” I thought, “no. Not even a little bit. Why?”

“Let’s go out tonight. You, Adam, Tyler, me, and Jess?”

“Yeah, I could use a break actually.”

“McGinty’s?”

I hesitated, my eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. “Are you trying to fuck with me?”

“Nah, I just heard about this place and it sounded like a good place to drink.”

I silently stared at the phone in disbelief until Caleb sighed in defeat.

“Okay, fine, it’s intentionally the bar you met the twins at,” he admitted. I heard Tyler indignantly swear at him in the background. “Turns out they actually work at the same meat packing plant as Tyler and they got to talking and he volunteered for us all to meet up there.”

“And you didn’t lead with that information because?”

“Because I thought you’d be difficult like this.” I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. “They seem like they’d be good friends to have. They’re fun.”

“I’m not fun?”

“You’re careful.”

“Oh my god, you think I’m boring.”

“No, I think you’re too careful.”

“I’m just hearing that you think I’m boring.”

“Oh Jesus Christ, I give up. We’ll come pick you up in thirty. Be ready or I’m just having Tyler carry you out of there.” He hung up. I stared at the phone in my hand, made a face at it, and then hung it up.

Guess I’d better freshen up then. I had just finished touching up my makeup when there was a strong knock at the door. “It’s open,” I called from the bathroom.

“Cec, let’s go, you’re pretty as you are,” Adam announced. I came around the corner. “Or more than usual.” He motioned to my entire appearance. “What’s all this?”

“Oh ha ha, I put in some effort,” I shot him a look as I went over to my messenger bag and took the sheets of paper out. “Here, you guys look over it whenever.” Adam gave me a salute, glancing at the lyrics.

“Oh I like this,” he approved. He turned to Tyler, handing him the papers. I moved my essentials to a small black leather bag, slinging it over my shoulder. “Caleb and Jess are downstairs.”

“This is good,” Tyler said after a few moments, humming out the lines I had added. “Not quite what we had been thinking, but I like this.”

“Two out of three, that’s a good sign I kind of know what I’m doing.”

“Eh.”

I locked my door behind me and went downstairs, chatting with Adam and Tyler. Caleb and Jess were waiting outside.

“Hey Jess,” I greeted, hugging her warmly. The blonde hugged me back. 

“What? I don’t get a hello?” Caleb pouted. Jess rolled her eyes, turning her husband in the direction of the pub. I laughed.

We all fell into a very easy conversation. I’ve been friends with Tyler the longest but they’ve all become like family at this point. I don’t know Jess very well, she’s rather shy and I haven’t interacted with her very much, but I like her and she and Caleb are adorable together.

Tyler held the door open for us when we got to McGinty’s. Caleb and Jess headed right for one of the bigger booths. I spotted the twins at the end of the bar. Connor was being chatted up by a tall, thin blonde woman while Murphy just looked displeased by the whole conversation taking place beside him. He was staring into his glass so hard that he didn’t even notice us come in. I waved over the bartender, telling her to give Murphy a refill on me. She glanced at the end, grinned, and nodded. Then I joined the others in the booth, sitting on the end beside Adam. We ordered our drinks and received them fairly quickly.

“I’m so glad to see ye,” Murphy announced as he sat down beside me. “Ye look nice.”

“You looked like you could use another drink,” I laughed.

“Ye have no idea. Dumber than a box o’ rocks,” he shook his head. I glanced over at Connor. He smirked, making eye contact, before beginning to make out with the blonde. 

“Is he always like this?” I questioned. Murphy looked like he didn’t quite know how to respond to that. “He’s trying to make someone jealous?”

He raised his eyebrows slightly.

“She just knows things,” Adam said, being the only one that was moderately paying attention to us. “You just kind of get used to it eventually.” He then turned away to correct something Tyler had said, once again ignoring out conversation.

I stared at Murphy, making him slightly uncomfortable, I think. “He’s trying to make  _ me  _ jealous,” I pieced together.

“I didnae say that,” he tried to protest. I raised my eyebrows at him. “Fine, aye, he is.”

“He’s wasting his time,” I chuckled. “Connor is so far from my type that I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“Ye have a type, love?”

The term of endearment wasn’t lost on me. “You’re asking for general curiosity’s sake?” I teased, leaning in slightly. Murphy was definitely my type and the guys definitely knew it. It was the only reason why we were all sitting in this pub and why they were pointedly ignoring me since Murphy joined us. I took a sip of my whiskey, staring up at him coyly.

Murphy was cautious, but he definitely picked up on the fact that I was flirting with him. He looked pleased by that, relaxing and turning to me a bit more. That’s all it took for conversation to flow freely between us, eventually merging with the conversation going on at the table. The boys seemed to like Murphy. It was hard not to. And at this point, I was entirely sure I liked him.


	4. If & When

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If & When" by Doomtree

At the end of the night, Murphy offered to walk me home. I confirmed it was okay with Caleb, Tyler, Jess, and Adam before we left. The nights were getting colder again. I shivered a bit, standing closer to him for warmth. Murphy put his arm around me, smoking with the other one. He put it out when we reached my apartment.

“Guess this is good night then,” he said, letting go of me. I turned to face him. I had been debating whether or not I would be bold and kiss him first. Looking at him again was all it took to convince me. I grabbed his shirt, pulling his lips to mine. Without hesitation, he pulled me closer, one hand going into my hair, the other at the small of my back. I knew it wasn’t the whiskey. I just wanted him.

I struggled to open the door behind me and not pull away from him. As soon as I got it open, Murphy picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and shut the door behind us with his foot. He carried me over to the couch, keeping any space between us small. My hands went under his t-shirt, sliding it up over his head, and onto the floor. He sat back slightly, looking down at me.

“What the fuck,” his eyes darted up to the kitchen. I followed his gaze. Someone was standing there. Instinctively, I knew it was Aidan.

“You fucking whore,” Aidan swore, lunging for me even though Murphy was still on top of me. Murphy was faster, rolling off of me while throwing a punch at Aidan’s nose. He managed to twist Aidan’s arm behind him, struggling to get him over to the door to throw him out. I moved more quickly than I had thought I would in a situation like this, opening the door so Murphy could throw him out.

I locked the door behind him. We heard Aidan stand, swearing, and then walk away. We stood at the door for a few moments and then I started to cry.

“I’m here, love, ye’ve got nothin’ to worry about,” he said, pulling me close to him and stroking my hair. I didn’t really know what I would have done if he hadn’t been here. Eventually I calmed down enough to stop crying. I have to get a new apartment. The thought made me tear up again.

Murphy led me back to the couch, making me sit, and disappeared into the kitchen only to return with a glass of water. I took a sip of it, my hands shaking. “Thank you,” I said softly, staring at the cup of water as if it were going to give me whatever answers I needed right now.

He put his hand over mine, causing me to look at him. His light blue eyes were a mixture of emotions, looking more intense than usual. I’d be throwing myself at him again if I weren’t so shaken up. “I’m not going anywhere,” he answered before I even figured out how to ask. I relaxed a bit.

“I’m going to have to find a new apartment,” I sighed. Finding a place to move into quickly wouldn’t be easy. That would cut into the time I have to work on stuff with the guys since it can’t cut into time I work on my thesis.

“Ye can stay with us until then,” Murphy offered. “It’s not much, but it’s not here.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird?”

He shrugged. “I like ye, Cecilia.” He squeezed my hand. “I just want ye to be safe.”

I gripped his hand tighter, gently kissing him. “I like you, too, Murphy.”

“Aye, I got that,” he said with a smirk. I couldn’t help but laugh. I went and got ready for bed, washing my face, brushing out my hair, and changing into shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I opened the door once I was done changing to go find Murphy. He was outside smoking. I stepped out onto the balcony with him, keeping close to him for warmth.

“Will you sleep with me tonight?”

He nodded, flicking some ashes off of his cigarette, looking out at Boston. Even though it was silent, it wasn’t uncomfortable. I just liked being near him. He finished his cigarette, coming back inside with me. He double checked that everything was locked before following me back into the bedroom. I took my shorts off before getting into bed. Murphy motioned to his shirt and jeans. I nodded. He took his shirt back off, then his jeans, and socks, until he was just in his boxers. He slid into the bed next to me, putting an arm around my waist. I settled against him, falling asleep nearly instantly.

I woke up first the next morning, though still in Murphy’s arms. I smiled slightly, moving in closer against him. I just felt so...safe. He eventually woke up, holding me a little tighter when he did. I glanced up at him.

“Good morning,” I greeted. He smiled, moving closer to kiss me. Just as the kiss began to deepen, there was a knock at the door. Murphy groaned in annoyance. Though I was fairly annoyed myself, I laughed and kissed him once more before getting out of bed and putting on my shorts. I answered the door. It was Connor.

“Looking for Murphy?” I greeted, stepping aside when he nodded. Murphy came into the hallway, pulling his shirt over his head. He looked very annoyed. And I imagine he was by the tone of his voice as he spoke in a language I didn’t recognize to Connor. I shook my head, going into the kitchen to start some coffee. Siblings. They can work it out for themselves.

“Pause the bickering a second,” I called over my shoulder. “Coffee for everyone? Breakfast?”

“Aye, love, that would be wonderful,” Murphy replied.

“Alright, resume,” I smirked to myself, filling the pot with water the whole way and then dumping it into the reservoir and turning it on. While the boys resolved their issues, I made breakfast. They wandered into the kitchen just as I was buttering the final piece of toast. “Mugs are up there.”

Murphy got three mugs down.

“There’s sugar and, sorry no creamer, but there is milk in the fridge.” He opened the fridge.

“This is almond milk,” he said, confused.

“I don’t drink regular milk.” He stared at me dumbly, then at Connor.

“It’s pretty common around here,” Connor shrugged. I poured myself a cup of coffee, black, and sat at the table in my usual seat. Murphy eventually decided to just try the milk in his coffee. Connor took his with sugar. “Murphy told me what happened last night. Yer more than welcome to stay with us. Our place isn’t as nice though.”

“As long as I’m not going to be coming home to my ex skulking around, I’m happy with that.”

There was a few moments of silence before Connor decided to be cheeky.

“So you and Murphy,” he grinned with a wink.

“Oh shut up, Connor,” Murphy said indignantly, throwing a piece of bacon at him. Connor pretended to be offended.

“I was just trying to find out her intentions with my brother.” Murphy looked like he was going to murder him. I took the opportunity to throw one of my own pieces of bacon at Connor. Connor looked shocked while Murphy just started laughing, reaching over to high five me, holding my hand lightly afterwards.

“Aye, you got him good, love! “ Murphy grinned at me. I smiled at him, studying his face, and forgetting that Connor was even there.

“Alright, alright lovebirds,” Connor interrupted. “We should probably pack some of ye stuff up, lass.” I let go of Murphy’s hand, trying not to feel disappointed and nodded. I had the boys pack up my guitar, portable keyboard, and the sheet music scattered around as well as my books. I tackled my clothes and accessories first, then makeup and general hygiene supplies, my yoga mat, and finally shoes.

“I think that’s it,” I said as I handed Connor the last bag of my clothes. The boys took the majority of the bags as we walked to their apartment. It wasn’t very far from mine, about twenty minutes of walking, but we were sweaty and tired by the time we reached where they lived. I recognized it as one of the areas that illegal immigrants squatted. Rent was cheap, but the interiors were questionably inhabitable. It worried me a bit, since I didn’t know if there would be room for two brothers and a girl in there.

When Connor opened the door, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. There was a kitchen area, a table, a couch, a slightly outdated TV, a toilet and shower, and two mattresses on the floor. There were a few things I’d add to the place, but I could definitely manage to stay here. I could feel the boys watching me as I kicked off my shoes, dropped my bags by the door, and went and fell on the couch dramatically.

“I’m done for the day,” I declared. Connor laughed while Murphy looked relieved.


	5. Take Me Anywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Take Me Anywhere" by Tegan and Sara

The boys quickly learned that whenever I said I was done for the day, I really wasn’t. I spent about thirty minutes on the couch before deciding to drag them to a local thrift store. Firstly, I needed something to create some kind of room around the toilet because there was absolutely no way I’d survive without some sense of privacy. Secondly, I need a mirror. 

I found a decently sturdy wooden folding screen. It looked big enough to cut off that area of the room into its own room instead of just an alcove. There were also plenty of mirrors nearby, so I just picked the least gaudy looking one. The boys tried to protest and pay for at least the folding screen but I wouldn’t listen to it at all. They certainly didn’t have the money but I did. It wasn’t entirely true that I had gone to college here to afford to live with Aidan. I had used that as a cover with Aidan. I never felt comfortable enough with him for him to know that I actually had a decent amount of money to my name. When my dad died, he left behind quite a bit of money for my mom and I. She never really said where it came from, but it was enough that I never really had to worry about anything. But I tried not to rely on it very much. I wanted to work for what I had.

The boys insisted on carrying the items back at least. It was nice. Men aren’t usually this insistent on trying to be helpful. The more time I spend with Murphy, the more I catch myself imagining what a future life could be like with him. I’d have to be more careful living with them, I realized.

I was able to unpack and put away most of what I brought pretty easily. They didn’t seem to own very much. After that was done, I set up my books on the kitchen table to get some studying done. The boys were sitting on the couch, bickering about what to watch. I was so immersed in what I was reading that I didn’t even realize Murphy had gotten up to read over my shoulder at one point. It wasn’t until he leaned against me that I realized he was there and jumped.

“Sorry, love, didnae mean to scare ye,” he chuckled, kissing my temple. I looked up at him and smiled before I kissed him.

“It’s okay, I was just surprised.” He leaned in and kissed me again, deepening the kiss. As I ran my fingers through his hair, he took the opportunity to pick me up again. It was then that I realized that Connor had left at some point. Murphy easily carried me over to what I assumed was his bed, gently laying me down on it. I felt the familiar pulsing of desire, my hands wandering under his shirt as his did the same. It only took a few minutes before our clothes began to come off.

Just as Murphy managed to strip me down to my underwear, I took control, using his own bodyweight to flip us so that I was suddenly on top. He was pleased by that development as I undid my bra, tossing it to the side. It had been a while since I had been driven solely by desire. I had missed the feeling.

I laid on the bed with Murphy, his arm around me, and my head on his chest. He was casually smoking. It was a comfortable silence. I grabbed his cigarette as he was about to take a drag, taking one myself.

“Thought ye didn’t smoke,” he questioned. I shrugged.

“I did for a while, then I quit. I don’t very much any more. I don’t sing as well when I do,” I explained, handing him back the cigarette.

“Makes sense.” I sat up with a stretch, my back popping as I did so. He rubbed my back.

“Ye alright?”

“Yeah, that’s not unusual,” I nodded. He sat up, kissing my shoulder, before kissing me, his arm that had been around me wandering to my waist to pull me closer. I pulled away, rubbing my nose on his. “I have to actually work on my paper.”

He groaned, burying his face in my hair and inhaling. I smiled and sighed, content. I kissed him when he pulled away, getting off of the bed to put my clothes back on. As I did so, Murphy affectionately swatted my ass. I laughed, swatting him back and feeling like I was in high school again.


	6. Farther Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Farther Away" by Evanescence
> 
> This chapter features a few songs from some bands that I imagine the band Cecilia is in would sound like. I obviously don't own them or claim any ownership to them.
> 
> Also, Happy St. Patrick's Day! This is a St. Patty's chapter :)

I’ve been living with the boys for a few months now. We’ve fallen into a routine of sorts. The boys work most of the week at a meat packing plant while I’m usually off at the college, library, or band practice. But the three of us spend most of our free time just hanging out, often with the addition of Rocco, Tyler, Adam, and Caleb. Murphy and I have also continued to hang out alone often, sometimes with clothes and sometimes without. We haven’t really discussed seeing other people or not. I don’t have a desire to, but I’m still not sure he’s the relationship type. I’ve been dragging my feet about finding an apartment because of that, honestly.

Today, however, is St. Patrick’s Day. The boys were in a celebratory mood when I left this afternoon to meet up with my bandmates for a gig. After it was over, we planned on going to McGinty’s for drinks. Because tonight everyone’s Irish.

“I see you have the pre-show excitement,” Tyler laughed as I refused to sit still for more than a few minutes. I grinned at him. I was just ready to go out on stage and sing. We were one of the midshows for the night. The dinnertime show. We’d be the set right before the last opener. 

“It’s St. Patrick’s Day!” I exclaimed.

“So it has  _ nothing  _ to do with seeing Murphy later?”

“I mean, that, too,” I admitted.

“That’s what I thought. I expect the two of you will disappear together at some point tonight.” I playfully punched his shoulder.

“Alright, you two, help check the rest of the gear,” Caleb waved his hands at us. Tyler went over to help Adam put together his drum kit while I made sure Tyler’s guitar was in tune. “So you’re still dating Murphy, huh?”

I glanced up at Caleb. He didn’t approve of Murphy for whatever reason. I guess maybe because he’s old fashioned and he thought that we should have some kind of ground rules about our relationship.

“We’re seeing each other, I don’t know if I’d call it dating. We don’t really go on dates,” I shrugged, tightening one of the strings. It would need replaced soon but not tonight. He left the subject alone as we finished getting our gear setup and sound checked. We left the backstage area to go into the crowd and watch the other bands play. 

They were both pretty good. I told the boys to make a mental note if we ever needed openers to keep them in mind. They were good at getting people up and dancing and singing along.

And then it was our turn. I fought down the nerves and excitement as we swapped out our equipment with the last band. Adam counted us down into the first song, which opened with Tyler strumming on the electric guitar until I started singing, bringing the drums in. Then the bass would enter at the refrain. Once the chorus hit, we were all in our element and entirely comfortable.

“Open my eyes, I’m reaching for you

Set me on fire, set me on fire

I’m burning inside, I’m waiting for you

Set me on fire, set me on fire

Your hand in mine, oh, I feel the fire

Two hearts that beat, oh, to feed the fire”

It was a good opener. People continued to dance, some eating various foods that the bar served, and almost everyone had a beer by now. When the song ended, everyone cheered. I smiled, putting my mic back in the stand, as I caught my breath. “Boston! How’s everybody loving St. Patty’s Day so far?” I asked with a smile, taking an exaggerated drink of my Guinness. That was met with a lot of cheers and hoots of approval. “We are In Silent Wrecking, that was our song  _ Set Me On Fire _ , and we’re honored to be playing for you guys tonight. This next song is one of the very first songs we wrote together. Obviously we’ve improved it because we wouldn’t be caught dead playing the original version at this point.” They chuckled. “This is  _ Pretty Girls _ .”

It started with a soft guitar with me adding in a tambourine for flair.

“You think I’m lonely

But ain’t that lonely

I just go where the pretty girls go

A day like this; nobody would know”

It was a softer song, less aggressive, but it gave people a chance to finish their food, get some refills, and then wander into the area in front of the stage. People still applauded when it was over. I grinned at the crowd as we switched songs without bothering to name this one. This one started with drums, then bass, then guitar, and finally vocals. Tyler and Caleb did backing vocals on this one.

“ Alone, afraid, the kid your mother made

Sitting in your room drooling like a loser with all this doom

You think, then you start to drink

Then you get so paranoid with all the drugs they fill you with (then boom)

Does it make you feel like a man? (boom)

It's not the size we understand (boom)

You think you're gonna get with me

You're never gonna get with me

You're never gonna dance with me”

The crowd appreciated the return to harder rock. I took a long drink of my beer. “That was  _ Why’d You Bring a Shotgun to the Party _ \--and, no, we couldn’t come up with a shorter name and we don’t accept abbreviations of it.” Most of the crowd laughed. I wasn’t sure if it was because they were drunk or genuinely amused but I didn’t really care. As long as our set went well. “This is  _ Farther Away _ .” Guitar, drums, bass, then vocals. I got to use a vocal pedal for this one, so I could be my own backing vocals. It was also the first time I got to use my keyboard this set.

“ I took their smiles and I made them mine.

I sold my soul just to hide the light.

And now I see what I really am,

A thief, a whore, and a liar.

I run to you,

Call out your name,

I see you there, father away.”

The crowd was more enthusiastic about this one as Adam and Tyler brought the song to a close. One more heavy song and then we’d be closing it out with our new song, which was a lot slower. Once again, we switched without a segue from me. Vocals were the last thing to enter again.

“She lives in a fairy tale

Somewhere too far for us to find

Forgotten the taste and smell

Of a world that she's left behind

It's all about the exposure the lens I told her

The angles were all wrong now

She's ripping wings off of butterflies

Keep your feet on the ground

When your head's in the clouds”

“Thank you,” I said, catching my breath from jumping around everywhere to keep the crowd engaged. “That was  _ Brick By Boring Brick _ . Now this next one is a new song we haven’t had the chance to play yet. It’s a little slower than the last few, but we hope you like it. This is  _ Big God _ .”

I started the song off on the keyboard and vocals. It wasn’t until about halfway that the drums would enter and then the rest of the instruments would follow. Well, except the bass. Caleb would be in charge of adding in some more electronic effects on the mixing board beside me, including some prerecorded brass instruments.

“You need a big god

Big enough to hold your love

You need a big god

Big enough to fill you up

You keep me up at night

To my messages, you do not reply

You know I still like you the most

The best of the best and the worst of the worst

Well, you can never know

The places that I go

I still like you the most

You’ll always be my favorite ghost”

After the song ended, I thanked everyone for the warm reception to our music, introduced the next band, and then we started gathering our stuff while the next band started moving on stage. We broke down everything, loading it into Caleb and Jess’s van, and then headed back to their house to drop everything off. From there, we started walking to McGinty’s, still all buzzed from the excitement of the show and the beers we had had on stage.

When we walked into McGinty’s, the bar was ablaze with excitement. People were laughing and shouting and being generally merry. Including Murphy, who was with another girl. Before I was able to react, Rocco pulled me into a hug.

“Cecilia, I was wondering when you’d show up!” he grinned, steering me to the bar. He was trying to keep me from seeing. Caleb shared a look with Jess, neither looking pleased. Tyler and Adam just followed us awkwardly.

“It’s okay, Rocco,” I smiled, knowing it looked as weak as I felt. The waitress gave me a sympathetic look, slamming down a shot of whiskey in front of me and saying it was on her. I downed it without a second thought. The guy at the bar beside me whistled.

“Jesus that was impressive,” he said appreciatively. He was handsome, I thought. Once he had my attention, he extended a hand. “I’m Dean.”

“Cecilia,” I smiled, shaking his hand. Rocco looked like he didn’t know what the fuck to do. The boys, however, got some drinks and went to the booth. Jess touched my shoulder.

“We’ll be over there,” she said, making sure I knew exactly where they’d be. She’s always a good friend, I thought. I should really make an effort to get to know her more. Rocco ended up giving up trying to figure out if I was upset about Murphy being with someone else and left. I assumed he went back to the twins’ table.

Dean ended up being a pretty nice guy and easy to talk to. We ended up sitting and drinking and talking for an hour before Connor came over, bumping into my shoulder lightly and leaning over to whisper in my ear.

“Yer really makin’ him turn red, lass,” he chuckled. Against my better judgement, I looked over my shoulder. Murphy looked ready to kill Dean. Something inside me snapped. Connor must have noticed the shift in my expression a split second before I was up and out of my seat. I slammed my hand on the table, staring Murphy in the eyes.

“Yeah, sucks, doesn’t it? Good.” Before he could respond, I turned and walked out of the bar. I was so furious I could cry. That asshole has the audacity to get angry with me.

“Cecilia, wait,” Connor called, catching up with me at a light jog. “Ye move fast when yer angry.”

“He’s a shit,” I replied, crossing my arms. Tyler was watching my coat. Connor sighed.

“No chance ye’d go back to the bar for your jacket, aye?”

I shook my head. He shrugged his off, draping it around my shoulders. 

“Would ye wait a second?” I gratefully hugged it closer to me, stopping to look at him.

“Murph’s an eejit. He does really like ye.”

“He’s got a shitty way of showing that.”

“Says the lass that immediately started accepting drinks from someone else.” I gave him a pointed look. “Yes, I know ye went to see Murph. I’ve already covered that he’s an eejit.”

“I’m not going to mark my territory on him,” I argued, eyebrows raised. Connor sighed, looking much older than he actually was. He draped an arm around me, deciding there was no use in arguing with me.

‘Come on, then, let’s go somewhere else.”

“No, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. You go back to the bar and find some hot blonde,” I teased, fighting back the tears. “I’m gonna go home.” He opened his mouth to protest. “I want to be alone, Connor.”

“Alright, let me at least walk ye back then.”

I consented to that. He kept his arm around me as we walked in silence. Once we were back there, I gave him his jacket back.

“I’ll get yers when I’m there.”

“Tyler should have it,” I nodded gratefully. He opened his mouth again. “Don’t worry, I’m going to stay here. I’m going to sober up and then I’m going to study. I’m fine.” I took a deep breath, looking as okay as I could manage. He sighed, nodded, and then left. I watched him walk away before closing the door and locking it behind me.

I curled up on the couch with a notebook and began writing. By the time I was done, I had the rough draft for a song. And it made me angry. I made a noise of indignation, tossing the notebook against the wall and burying my head in my hands as I began to cry. I had to move out. Caleb was right. I couldn’t keep doing this. I had developed deeper feelings for Murphy, which he didn’t seem to return. I had to put some distance there.

Just as I had made that resolve and stood to make some tea, the door opened. Murphy was standing there with my jacket, looking guilty as all hell. I clenched my teeth, pushing my lips together. I was angry all over again. Instead of saying anything, I ignored him and continued what I was doing.

“Cec, can we talk, please,” he said softly. I continued to ignore him, turning on the stove and staring at the kettle. I know from experience that staring at water won’t stop it from boiling. I had lots of practice when I was mad at Aidan. Talking to him never resolved anything. I just ended up bottling most of it up inside until I managed to bury those feelings deep inside.

“Cecilia,” he pleaded, touching my arm. I shrugged him off, turning on my heel to point my finger in his face.

“Do not touch me, Murphy McManus,” I hissed. He looked surprised. I assume Connor had told him I’d probably be crying. I wanted to, but the anger makes it harder to cry.

“Nothing happened,” he tried to defend himself.

“Aidan used to say the same thing. I’m not having it,” I said firmly. “I’ll find some place tomorrow, then you can do whatever you want with whoever you want.”

I went to move around him but he blocked me. I went the other way. Blocked.

“Goddammit, Murphy, fucking move,” I finally said exasperated. “I was so excited to see you today and then I walk in and you’re with some other girl. So you don’t get to act like I’m the irrational one because I’m angry. Move.”

“I thought that that was what ye wanted,” he blurted out. I looked at him, completely taken off guard. He was being serious. Is his brain inside out?

“Why the hell would I want you to sleep with someone else?”

“I didn’t think ye wanted anything more. Ye just got out of a relationship and I didnae want to push ye.” I stared at him, entirely confused now.

The kettle started to screech.

“Nothing happened. I will never do it again if that’s not what ye want,” he said softly, stepping closer to me and pleading with his eyes. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to yell at him and throw things and then cry about it. But his expression made that resolve melt away. He was being sincere. “I love ye, Cecilia, I don’t ever want to do anything to hurt ye.”

I slapped him upside the head, lightly but firmly, and then kissed him. “You’re an idiot but you’re my idiot. I love you, too.”


	7. Black Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Black Roses" by Charli XCX

Connor didn’t come home after St. Patrick’s Day. I assumed it was to give Murphy and I some space to work things out. It was nice though. We spent the night in Murphy’s bed together (he had been sharing with Connor most of the time). I woke up to Murphy stroking my arm. 

“Mornin’,” he said, kissing my forehead as I woke up. I looked up at him with a smile. Before I was able to say anything, Connor came in the room. Seeing us both in one bed, he immediately covered his eyes.

“Ye aren’t naked, are ye?”

“Shut up, Connor,” Murphy threw a pillow at him while I laughed. Connor caught it, eyeing us suspiciously.

“We worked it out,” I told Connor. He grinned.

“Good!” He came and flopped backwards on his bed. He glanced at us. “Ye look cozy. Couple-y.”

“That’s the idea,” Murphy said casually. Connor sat up and looked at us.

“No shit? ‘Bout time.” The phone rang, interrupting whatever he was about to say. When neither of us made an attempt to move, Connor rolled his eyes and answered it. He dragged the phone over to me, handing it to me, mouthing ‘Tyler.’

“Hey Tyler,” I greeted as I sat up. Murphy kissed my shoulder affectionately before wandering into the kitchen to start some coffee. He doesn’t really drink much of it, but I drink far more than is probably healthy for any one human so I was touched by the gesture.

“You sound happy, so I’m going to guess that Murphy coming home was a good thing,” he greeted. Connor immediately started trying to pick on Murphy, which just evolved into the boys having one of their little sibling squabbles that involved wrestling for dominance. I tried not to laugh.

“Yeah, it did actually.”

“Good, I really don’t want to have to deal with Caleb’s whining about how he’s always right. You cool if I drop off your gear from the show?”

“Yeah, that’s no problem. We’re just now getting up. Well, Connor just got home.”

Connor looked over from the headlock Murphy had him in. “I heard that!”

“You were supposed to!”

“Alright, cool, I’ll swing by in like an hour?” Tyler questioned.

“We’ll be here.”

“Clothed?”

“Bye Tyler.”

I stretched as I got out of bed, wandering over to where the boys had been previously fighting. They were now just bickering, which amused me. I got myself a cup of coffee, watching the scene before me play out.

“That’s a stupid idea,” Murphy grumbled.

“Yer a stupid idea,” Connor quipped back.

“We’re twins, that makes ye a stupid idea, too.”

“We’re both stupid ideas then. But yer more stupid.” Murphy stopped buttering his toast, turned to Connor, and smeared a fingertip full of butter on the older twin’s face. Connor made a noise of indignation before immediately just rubbing his face on Murphy’s face. And now they’re fighting again. I took one of the buttered pieces of toast and stood a little further away as I ate the stolen toast and drank my coffee. Today didn’t look like it would be a calm or productive day. After finishing my toast, I went and retrieved the notebook I had thrown against the wall. I flipped to the page I had written last night.

I laid on the couch and stared at it, picking apart each line. I began making some corrections here and there. It could be a decent song. I’d hand it off to Tyler so he could look it over. He might have some ideas for it.

As if reading my thoughts, there was a knock on the door.

“Who the fuck is that?” Murphy called as I answered the door. Tyler was standing there with my keyboard, vocal pedal, and tambourine.

“It’s Tyler, you twat,” he replied without missing a beat as I stood to the side. He put the stuff where I normally kept it all.

“Tyler!” Connor said cheerfully, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. “You want a beer or a cigarette?”

“I’ll take one of each,” he grinned. I’m glad they’re getting along so well. Murphy looked a bit awkward, probably not very sure how to react around Tyler after last night. I don’t really know what happened after I left. It was hard to imagine that Tyler wouldn’t have gone and said something. He’s my best friend and he’s very protective of me, even if he makes it sound like Caleb is the over-reactive one. “You joining us or what, Murphy?”

He relaxed a bit, accepting that Tyler wasn’t pissed at him. I’m sure Tyler’s not pleased with yesterday, but I’d hope he knows me well enough that I wouldn’t just brush away shitty behavior like that again. At least I hope that I’m not just brushing it away. Murphy said nothing happened and I believe him. I have to believe him or I’m going to spend my entire life going insane and making other people pay for Aidan’s mistakes.

Murphy handed a beer to me, interrupting my thoughts. He stood closer to me so that Connor and Tyler couldn’t hear us. “Are ye alright?”

I smiled, kissing him gently. “Yeah, I was just thinking,” I replied half-truthfully. He looked a bit suspicious but nodded. I don’t think he entirely believed me but he wasn’t going to press me any further than that to respect that I didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t that he didn’t care like Aidan had, I can at least tell that he does care.

He kissed my temple, not bothering to move away from me when Tyler and Connor turned their attention to us. “Am I gonna have te see this all the time now?” Connor teased. “I came home and they were cuddlin’!”

“Ye shut yer mouth, ye dumb ape,” Murphy scowled, moving closer to me. “We’ll cuddle anywhere we damn well please.”

“Connor’s bed looks kind of comfortable,” I eyed it teasingly.

“Anywhere,” Murphy affirmed. 

Connor looked horrified before running across the room and throwing himself onto the bed so that it was protected. I laughed, feeling a bit more at ease, and wrapped my free arm around Murphy. He leaned down and kissed me, ignoring the overly dramatic twin on the mattress.


	8. Old Pine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Old Pine" by Ben Howard

“I don’t know how you live here, I’d be exhausted,” Tyler said a few hours later as I walked him out to his car. I laughed a bit at that.

“The boys are a lot to handle,” I admitted. “But I don’t know where I’d be without them at this point.”

“I don’t either,” he admitted. “I wasn’t sure Aidan would ever be out of the picture. Murphy’s an idiot, but he makes you happy.”

“Yeah, but he’s my idiot.” Tyler laughed, pulling me into a hug, resting his head on mine. He stood an entire head taller than me, so it always made me feel safe when he did that. 

“Just tell me if that ever changes.” I could tell he was biting back the same phrase I immediately thought: don’t let it be like last time. I pulled away from him, nodding. 

“Don’t worry, we came to an understanding. He told me he loves me.”

“Of course he does, everybody does,” Tyler laughed. “I won’t bring it up again. I’m not going to be a nag like Caleb. But, just be careful, alright?”

“I will be,” I said, hugging Tyler again. He got in his car and drove off. I inhaled, looking off into the distance, lost in thought. That thought process was broken as a very large man shoved me out of the way. He was bald with a well groomed beard. Two slightly smaller, but still large men followed him. I was immediately anxious. They looked ready to kill someone. I didn’t know if I should go inside or not.

I decided to wait a few minutes, leaning against the building to wait. I didn’t have to wait very long before they came back down, shoving Murphy around. He caught sight of me and shook his head no.

“What are you staring at?” one of the men sneered at me. 

“Grab her, she’s seen our faces,” the big one that was pushing Murphy around ordered.

“Ye leave her alone,” Murphy growled, trying to take a swing at the man holding him.

“Oh, she’s your girlfriend? Even better!” 

The one with the full head of hair grabbed me, lifting me in the air as I tried to kick him off. He was bigger than me. I was unsuccessful. Where the fuck is Connor? The large man forced Murphy to his knees beside the dumpster and a pile of garbage bags. I was forced into the same position beside him. They each held a pistol to our heads.

This is how I die. I’m going to die in an alleyway next to a pile of garbage. I guess I’ve had a good run. I haven’t gotten to do everything I’ve wanted, but I’ve made a real effort of putting my life on the right track the last six months. Guess it’s better to go before I fuck it up.

I was about to close my eyes in surrender when Murphy let out an indignant sound of surprise, going to cover my head, turning us away from the two men standing there. There was a loud crack and the shattering of porcelain. Murphy and I looked up just in time to see Connor land on the third guy. It just disoriented him. Without hesitating, Murphy grabbed the lid to the reservoir of the toilet and hit the man’s head with it until he stopped moving. I tried to ignore whatever social reservations I had about that as I checked on Connor. He’s just unconscious, thank god.

“We have to get him to a hospital,” I said as Murphy began frantically collecting the guns and anything from the men’s pockets.

“Jesus Christ, I know,” he said harshly. I tried to ignore it as I took the bag from him.

“You have to carry him, I can’t.” Murphy said nothing before dragging Connor up onto his shoulders while I carried the bag. I was impressed that Murphy managed to carry Connor the entire way to the hospital, though. By the time we got there, Connor had regained consciousness and was limping along with Murphy’s help.

If not for him, we’d be dead. Murphy knew it, too. While we waited for a doctor to look over Connor, Murphy called Doc, the owner of McGinty’s, and I called Tyler.

“Hey, Tyler?”

“It’s Adam, hang on,” Adam answered before yelling for Tyler and that it was me.

“Cec?”

“Jesus,” I breathed out, resting my arm against the wall next to the phone, my forehead going to my forearm. The boys seemed calm, cool, and collected. I felt anything but that.

“Cecilia, are you okay?” His voice had gotten serious.

“I think so. Um, can you just come to the hospital?” I gave him the address. A nurse had come to see us. Connor just needed a bandage and a brace, I needed stitches for my eyebrow that had gotten cut from the falling toilet when it shattered on the Russian man’s head. Connor and Murphy had reluctantly told me about a scuffle they had gotten into at McGinty’s before Murphy came home last night. To say that I was pissed would be an understatement.

Dock showed up to collect the bag of guns and IDs to dispose of it, followed by Tyler. He took one look at my face, noticing I was livid, and then noticing my eyebrow. He immediately inspected my face before turning on the twins. Tyler is one of the most easygoing people that I know. But he’s rather tall and muscular, so it’s terrifying when he’s angry. The twins looked uncomfortable when Tyler’s icy blue eyes fell on them, he was absolutely furious.

“What the fuck did you two dipshits do? Why does she have stitches?”

“Tyler, I’m fine,” I tried to interrupt him but he held a finger up to me, telling me to silence.

“You didn’t fucking hit her, did you?”

“No, I didnae hit her!” Murphy said, clearly offended as he stepped up to Tyler, puffing his own chest out.

“Then why the fuck does she have stitches on her eye?”

“Because Connor threw a fucking toilet off of the roof,” I interrupted, getting all the more irritated. I was tired of Murphy’s poor attitude and I was tired of Tyler assuming that he had hit me. Murphy has never made me feel unsafe. Ever.

“What?”

“Yes, he ripped our toilet out of the ground and threw it off of the roof at some guys that were trying to kill Murphy and I. Though it sounds like that was retaliation for setting the one’s ass on fire at McGinty’s,” I said when the boys began looking smug. They immediately looked ashamed. I was so angry my chest burned. “You two deal with this. I’m going to go stay with Tyler. Call me when you’ve got your shit together.”

I turned without waiting for a reply, Tyler following. He walked silently with me for a few minutes. Murphy didn’t try to follow us. When we got outside, I immediately started crying. Tyler sighed, hugging me with one arm as he herded me to the car. I didn’t even bother going to the apartment for my things. I just wanted to be away from it all.


	9. My Boy Builds Coffins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "My Boy Builds Coffins" by Florence + the Machine

It was about a week until Murphy bothered to show up at Tyler’s. Tyler had gone and gotten some of my things from the twins’ apartment for me. I hadn’t gotten any less pissed. In fact, I had gotten even more pissed. 

“She’s pretty pissed,” Tyler warned him before he knocked on the bedroom door. I had been in the middle of doing my makeup for the day. I didn’t answer.

“Cecilia?” Murphy questioned, poking his head through the doorway. “Look, I know yer pissed at me. But can we talk?”

I turned to stare at him before resuming my mascara. He shifted uncomfortably.

“Cec.”

I continued to ignore him, putting my things back in their proper bags. Murphy ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Apparently he had thought that I wouldn’t be this difficult to talk to. He sighed, walking over to me and gently grabbing my wrist, pulling me into a hug. I didn’t fight him as I tried not to cry.

“Hey, talk to me.”

“You almost got yourself killed. You and Connor both,” I said finally. I turned to face him, my face firmly set in a tightened state of fury. He looked guilty but also surprised that that’s what I was mad about.

“Ye were there, too,” he reminded me.

“Yeah, and I’m more pissed that you two were stupid and almost got murdered over a bar fight with some Russian pricks.”

“ _ That’s _ what yer mad about?”

I furrowed my brows at him. “Don’t tell me what to be mad about.”

“I’m just saying it’s ridiculous,” he laughed. 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re both ridiculous,” Tyler called from the kitchen as he did the dishes. I sighed, holding on to this anger was exhausting. I leaned into Murphy’s hug, wrapping my arms around him. 

“Come back home. I promise there will be no more Russians.” I pulled away with a stern look on my face.

“No more bar fights?”

He looked about to protest. I raised my eyebrows, daring him to continue. Wisely, he decided against it and merely nodded instead. “No more bar fights.”

“Then I’ll come back home,” I agreed. He relaxed a bit, holding me tighter.

Murphy helped me take all of my things back to the apartment. The toilet had gotten fixed at some point. Connor was laying on the couch watching TV. He looked up from the TV when he heard the door, surprised to see me. Murphy shook his head at him, signalling that whatever Connor wanted to say was probably not a good idea. For once, Connor followed Murphy’s suggestion.

We were mostly silent as we put my stuff away. Again.

“I’ll get that for ye,” Murphy said as I tried to put something in the closet by the kitchen. I looked at him suspiciously. To test if he’d do it again, I picked up something else that went there. He reached for that, too. I pulled it away from him.

“Why don’t you want me in that closet?”

“No reason.” I pushed by him and opened the closet. There were a lot of guns, ammo, and...rope? I turned, fixing both twins with a stare.

“‘No more bar fights’ was easy to agree to, huh? What about gunfights? And why do you have a fucking rope that’s the length of Boston?”

“I told ye it was a stupid fucking rope,” Murphy pointed at Connor, who looked offended.

“I’ll have ye know that ‘stupid fuckin rope’ saved our fucking lives,” Connor said before realizing he had said too much. 

“Okay, tell me whatever the fuck you’re hiding now before I absolutely lose my shit again,” I demanded.

And, so, that’s how I learned that the McManus brothers had taken up the mantle of being the Saints of Boston and murdering all of the crime lords in the city. After they finished recounting falling through a ceiling vent, killing nine men, and then terrifying Rocco: I just sat there in silence. I didn’t really know what to feel. On one hand, I was in shock, but I also felt angry, sad, and a little appalled. It’s not that I’m against the death penalty, but vigilante justice is another thing entirely. I was conflicted. It was also hard for me to come to terms with the idea that God told them to murder all of the crime bosses in Boston. I was raised Catholic, but I don’t adhere or follow anything to do with the Church. I’m not even sure if I believe in God or not.

“Are ye ever gonna say anything, lass?” Connor finally broke the silence. I looked up from my hands.

“It’s a lot to take in.” 

“Well ye ain’t running for the door.” I looked to Murphy, who was remaining silent, watching me. It felt like the first time I was seeing him properly. I had never seen him look so sure of anything before.

“You’re sure,” I began slowly, “absolutely sure?”

Murphy nodded, not breaking eye contact with me. Without knowing what else to say, I got up and resumed putting my things away. The boys stood there, not really knowing what to do. 

Eventually, Murphy placed his hand on the small of my back. I turned to look at him before hugging him tightly. I just wanted him to stay safe.

It’s been about two weeks since I’ve been back at the apartment. Murphy and Connor, wisely, keep me out of whatever business they’re taking care of late at night when I’m not around. I hadn’t told anyone anything about it. I still didn’t know how I felt about it. On one hand, they were taking care of a problem that law enforcement  _ couldn’t _ take care of for one reason or another. On the other hand, they were taking the law into their own hands and handing out the ultimate punishment of death. It was easier if I just didn’t think about it. Rocco tried talking to me about it once but I just kept changing the subject until he eventually stopped trying.

I shut my text book, leaning back in the library chair and running my hands through my hair. My thesis paper was as done as it could be. I’d just have to turn it in and hope it was accepted for publication somewhere. If it was, I’d be able to get an internship or an entry level job somewhere. Maybe Murphy would go with me. A part of me doubted it though. Since he and Connor have had their...calling...they seem fixated on this city.

No, I don’t want to think about it any more. I cleaned up my things as my paper printed out from the community printer. After double checking the pages were all there and in order, I took it over to the main part of the campus to turn in to my professor, and then decided to walk home since it was nice, sunny, and warm out.

I was about a block away from the apartment when I felt an arm wrap around my body, a sweet scented rag covering my face. I struggled for a bit before my limbs started to feel sluggish and heavy, my vision going black as I lost consciousness.


	10. Fractured Fairytale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fractured Fairytale" by Blackbriar
> 
> This chapter contains elements of a non-consensual encounter but does *not* progress to rape.

The first thing I registered when I began regaining consciousness was a terrible headache. The second was that I was laying on a bed. I slowly opened my eyes. I didn’t recognize the room I was in. Almost everything in it was a pale baby pink. The bedspread on the bed was an old, rose pattern that looked like it would belong to an aging grandma.

I sat up, fighting the wave of nausea that went through my body. The window informed me that it was night time. So I’ve been unconscious for at least a few hours. 

“You’re awake,” Aidan said calmly as he stared me down from the doorway. I hadn’t even realized he was there. The expression he was wearing terrified me. There was no love or look of familiarity there. When I didn’t say anything in response, he sighed, walking over to me. “You have always been trouble. Why should it surprise me that your boyfriend thinks he’s a vigilante?”

Aidan leaned close to me, putting his hands beside my hips as he stared me in the eyes. He was trying to unnerve me. It was working, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of pulling away. He rubbed his cheek against mine, inhaling the scent of my hair. My lower lip quivered as I tried not to cry.

“I tried to protect you. But you just can’t stay away from danger, can you?” He kissed my neck, pulling away. There was a rage behind his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. “No, of course you can’t.” He moved away from me abruptly. “I’ll bring you something to eat at dinner.”

And then he was gone. I rubbed my eyes before getting up and trying to open the window. It wouldn’t budge. The door was also locked. I sighed, sitting on the floor in front of the bed and staring at the wall. I guess I just wait to find out what Aidan’s going to do with me.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there when I heard more voices outside of the room. Quietly, I crawled over to listen. Russians. Aidan isn’t Russian. I don’t think so anyway. Why the hell am I here? Oh god, it’s a trap for Murphy and Connor.

Walking away from the door, I ran my hand through my hair. The door opened. Aidan was standing there with a sandwich. He closed it behind him, setting the sandwich at the foot of the bed and leaning against the wall.

“Why am I here?” I asked, ignoring the food. I didn’t trust it and I wouldn’t touch it.

“Bait.” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t get too wrapped up in the idea that you’ll escape from here. The Yakavetta don’t make the same mistake twice. After they’re dead,” he smirked at me, “they don’t really care what happens to you. That’s my decision now.”

I fought to keep my expression neutral. He sighed and picked up the sandwich.

“I’m trying to do the right thing here, Cecilia. You just make it so hard sometimes.” Without warning, he struck me with the back of his hand against my face. I fell over from the force, not expecting such a blow. Before I could react, Aidan was on top of me, his forearm at my throat, cutting off my air supply. Just before I lost consciousness, he pulled his arm away, still bracing me with his body weight.

I coughed violently, gasping for air.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair at my forehead, pulling it back and forcing his lips onto mine. I just wanted to disappear. I started crying silently. I didn’t want any of this. I wanted to be at home with Murphy before the twins went to jail. Before St. Patrick’s Day.

“You’ve gone soft,” Aidan murmured, releasing my hair and getting off of me. He took the plate with him and left. I pulled my legs up to my chest, pressing myself into the corner of the room at the head of the bed, and began to cry with my face buried in my knees. I had never been this scared before.

The rest of the night was silent. The men silently went to bed except for one or two of them that patrolled the hallways. Aidan didn’t return to my room. But I didn’t sleep at all anyway. I’m just trapped here as his plaything.

I watched the sun come up over the trees and tracked its slow ascent into the sky. It was about noon before anyone in the house got up. Aidan didn’t come back to check on me, thankfully. I wasn’t sure what he would do the next time he was alone with me in here. I’m not even sure he really knew. It seemed like he was just acting on instinct.

I must have fallen asleep at some point. I was woken up by a loud commotion downstairs. I couldn’t tell what was happening, but it sounded like gunfire. It was over quickly. Aidan came into the room shortly after it ended, looking all too pleased with himself.

“Oh have I got a treat for you!”

He came over and grabbed my face in his hands, kissing me.

“We got them. They’re downstairs and Il Duce will finish them off! And we get to watch. Front row seat, baby.” He rubbed his face against mine again before his expression fell from glee to rage. “Now stand.”

He yanked me up to my feet before I was able to move. He gave me a once over, a smirk gracing his lips. Pulling me close, he kissed me again. I put my hands around his waist, feeling for anything that could save me. He had a gun tucked in the waistband of his pants. I grabbed the gun, kneeing him in the groin as I did so. 

Aidan grabbed my leg as I tried to run away, trying to wrestle the gun from me as he crawled on top of me. I won’t die like this. I can’t die like this. I managed to get the gun under his chin and pulled the trigger as he pushed it forward. It hit him enough to startle him. His hands reflexively went to the wound. I aimed it at his eye, pulling the trigger again as I closed my eyes.

There was an eerie silence as his body fell onto mine, blood flowing freely from his head wound. My hands were shaking as I got out from under him. More nausea. I pushed it down. No time for that. The boys are in trouble. I slowly opened the door, peeking out into the hallway. It was deserted. 

As I stepped out, the door at the end of the hallway opened. It was a man dressed like a woman. I lowered my gun as he lowered his. He used a finger to motion me over to him. I kept my hand on the gun but followed. The man led the way, shooting down anyone that we crossed paths with. I was glad I didn’t have to do it. I’m not sure my hands are sturdy enough anyway.

Eventually we got to the basement. The twins were kneeling before an older man wearing a very complicated looking vest with many guns strapped to it. Rocco was lying lifeless on the floor. Murphy immediately stood when he saw me. I just stared at Rocco numbly, feeling like my whole world had shattered. Murphy wrapped my arms around me, forcing me to look away from Rocco. Tears flowed freely from my eyes. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. Would I ever stop after today?


	11. Holy Holy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Holy Holy" by Wye Oak

Things weren’t the same after what happened with the Yakavetta. The man who had helped us leave the crime scene was an FBI agent, I learned from the boys. Paul Smecker. He covered everything up for us. And Il Duce turned out to be their father. It turns out that killing mob bosses was in their blood. 

Now it was two weeks later. Today was Rocco’s funeral.

Murphy, Connor, their father, and I were the only ones that were attending. I stood between the two boys as the priest offered Rocco his requiem mass. It was a bit unconventional. Instead of being held at a church, it was held in the mausoleum he was to rest in forever. Of the four of us, I was the only one who didn’t cross myself or recite any of the prayers. There was a lot that God and I weren’t ever going to see eye to eye on. If God even exists. Each day, I was more and more certain that there was no God. I know it bothers Murphy, but I just can’t bring myself to pretend.

Murphy gave my hand a squeeze. I glanced at him. He was looking at me like I might break again. I hate that look. I looked away.

The priest brought the service to a close, allowing us to pay our respects. I said nothing when it was my turn, putting my hand on his casket and remembering all of the love I had held for my childhood friend. I guess he finally got out of Boston.

I put my hands in my pocket, walking away so that Murphy and Connor could have their time. I stood next to their father silently. They paid their respects before leading the way out of the mausoleum. Murphy put his arm around me, seemingly afraid that I might disappear again.

“I’ll catch up with ye later,” Murphy told Connor and their father. “I’m gonna walk Cecilia to class.”

“Aye, good luck, Cec,” Connor nodded. I smiled. Today was the day I’d be getting my final grades and, hopefully, a letter of approval that my thesis would be published. Maybe Murphy would leave with me afterall. The city seems clean now. And nobody knows it was them.

“What’s wrong?” Murphy brought me out of my thoughts. I shook my head, stopping in front of the campus.

“I’m just nervous. I’ll find out if my thesis was accepted for publication today or not.”

“Isn’t that good?”

“It is. But if it was accepted, that means I’ll be getting an offer for an internship or a job offer.”

“Well that’s great!”

“It won’t be in America, Murphy,” I said softly.

“That’s still a good thing. I’ll go with ye wherever ye want to go, love. I donnae want to lose you again,” he pulled me closer to hug me. I let out a sigh of relief that I didn’t even know I was holding, pulling him close to me.

“Now go,” he smiled, holding my face in his hands. I returned his smile, kissing him. That last two weeks have felt like I was floating through water. Like everything wasn’t real. But this felt real. I want to hang on to that, I decided as I looked at his face.

“I love you,” I said, kissing him once more.

“I love ye, too,” he replied before kissing my forehead.

I didn’t look back, but I knew he watched me until I was safely in the building. As I walked through the hallways, all dressed in black, I couldn’t help but remember the past times I had walked through this very hallway. When I met Tyler. When Aidan had tried to be sweet and in love with me. When Caleb and Jess had met and I teased him that he had just found his perfect match. When I jumped on Tyler’s back and he ran with me out of the building on the last day of our freshman year. It was hard to pull the bad parts out of the good parts. They’re so closely intertwined. But this was the last time I’d be walking down this hallway. It just happened to be in the dress I wore to my oldest friend’s funeral, who was collateral in the vigilante escapades of my boyfriend and his twin brother. 

Boston certainly had changed my life.

I sat in my usual seat, waiting for the professor to hand out the final grades. When he got to my desk, he smiled.

“You did wonderful, Cecilia. Congratulations, you’re published. And you’ve received an offer for an internship in Germany.”

I took the papers from him excitedly. He smiled, patted me on the back, and then continued on. The rest of the class was a relaxed farewell class. But I couldn’t pay attention. I was going to go to Germany. After the class was over, I used my cellphone to call and accept the internship offer. I would leave in a month. Thankfully I didn’t need a passport or anything. I had dual citizenship with Ireland, my dad had made sure I lived there for two years as a kid, so I had a US passport already. I always keep it up to date. Just in case.

Tyler was waiting for me outside of the classroom. I held the paper up excitedly. “Holy shit, Germany?” 

“Yeah, I can’t believe it. I actually got an offer somewhere.” He picked me up in a hug.

“I knew you’d get somewhere. You’re smart.”

“I have to leave in a month.” He slung his arm around me as we walked out of the college.

“Guess we’d better make the most of it then, yeah? Have you told Murphy yet?”

“I told him before class. Before there was a concrete offer. He said he’d go with me.”

“He’d just leave Connor behind?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “There’s only one way to find out.”

Tyler studied me as we walked home to the apartment. “I don’t know what’s been going on the last few weeks. But you’re different now.”

“I just haven’t been dealing with Rocco being gone very well,” I admitted. That was mostly true. Tyler didn’t know anything about the boys’ double life. Or Aidan. Well, he knew Aidan was dead. He didn’t know the specifics.

“It’s not about Aidan?”

“No, it’s not about Aidan,” I lied. He didn’t look like he believed me but he didn’t press for any more information. If I wanted to keep the boys safe, I couldn’t ever tell him what had happened that night. 

“Alright, you can always talk to me if you need to. You know that, right?”

I nodded. We walked home in silence. Tyler gave me another hug to congratulate me before going to meet Adam for lunch. I went up the stairs to our apartment, stopping outside the door when I heard the boys arguing about something or other. When I opened the door, I was almost overwhelmed by the amount of things going on. There was water boiling over on the stove, half of a beer on the floor, and Connor and Murphy rolling around the floor assaulting one another.

I sighed, moved the boiling pot of water off of the stove, and got a beer to wait until they were done assaulting each other. Eventually, they noticed that I had walked into the apartment at some point.

“When did ye get here?” Connor asked, pushing Murphy off of him and standing up like nothing happened. I glanced at the clock.

“About ten minutes ago.”

Murphy came over, kissed my temple, and then got a beer for himself and Connor. He turned to me expectantly, waiting to see how my last class had gone. I grinned.

“I got accepted into an internship in Germany.”

“That’s great,” Murphy kissed me, “I’m proud of ye.” I smiled, that admission made me melt a bit. “I’ve never been to Germany.”

“Well, I have to be there in a month. I already accepted it.”

“Guess we’ve got some celebratin’ to do!”

Murphy leaned down and kissed me again. It helped me feel more relaxed. Like everything really would be okay and that he was actually serious about leaving with me. I guess Connor might go with us. Noah, too. There’s not really anything left here for them. The main boss of the Yakavetta is beginning his trial. I’m sure he’ll be found guilty and sent to prison. Then we can put this entire saints business behind us.


	12. Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Chances" by Dia Frampton

The next two weeks were absolutely amazing. It was just like when Murphy and I had started hanging out together. We were always together, no matter where we were. It was like I had the old Murphy back. And I felt more like myself again. Connor was spending more time with Noah, which bothered Murphy a bit. They were usually together all the time. But now it seemed like they were keeping things from Murphy.

And then I started noticing the hushed whispers that would stop whenever I’d come in earshot. It was starting to make me paranoid. On the one rare instance that I had been left alone in the apartment, I had torn it apart trying to find their stash of guns. But I didn’t find anything and I gave up eventually. I’d just have to trust that it wasn’t that stuff again.

Murphy interrupted my thoughts, kissing me deeply. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. Connor had just left to visit Noah again, leaving Murphy and I alone. Clearly, he liked the idea of being alone with me.

He picked me up off of the couch, not breaking away from me. It wasn’t long before we both had our clothes off. Murphy left a trail of kisses from my mouth, down my neck, and then down my body before settling between my legs. He always made sure that I was satisfied. It had been one of the first things I had loved about him. Sex wasn’t just all about him.

Murphy and I were laying in bed, lounging, when Connor came back. I wasn’t fully dressed, but I was wearing a t-shirt and underwear. That seemed to be good enough for him because he didn’t comment on it at all. He laid on his bed, smoking.

“You okay, Connor?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. Murphy also looked concerned. 

“I was jus’ thinkin’,” he said after a drag on his cigarette. He exhaled. “What if we all go to Germany?”

I gave a startled look to him before looking at Murphy. Sitting up, and putting my hair back in a bun, I frowned. “I had assumed that you and Noah would be going over with us. There are freights over on the docks that go to most of Europe. It wouldn’t be hard to get into there on one.”

“Ye did?” Connor asked, perking up slightly. “Ye don’t want Murph all to yeself?”

“I don’t think I have to worry about that,” I laughed, touching Murphy’s hand affectionately. “It’ll be like a new beginning for all of us. I bet you’d like German girls.”

“That is a very tempting offer,” he laughed. He got serious again. “We might stay here a little bit after ye both head over.” Murphy tensed, his expression darkening slightly.

“The hell ye are,” he said angrily. “We discussed all o’ that.”

Connor sighed. “He’s gonna get off, we cannae let him do that.”

“I can’t let ye do it alone.”

“Da’s gonna help.” Murphy was starting to lose his temper.

“Hey!” I said angrily. “No. Absolutely not. Haven’t you done enough?”

“Aye, that’s why Murphy is to go with you to Germany,” Connor agreed.

“I won’t do it without ye,” Murphy said stubbornly. I felt my entire body go stiff. I pulled away from Murphy, standing up and going into the kitchen to find something to clean. “Now look what ye went and done!”

“I didnae do that, ye did!”

And then there was a scuffle between them. I was so furious. Moving for me wasn’t enough? A family murder escapade was necessary beforehand? I walked around them, pulled on my jeans and socks, slipped on a pair of shoes I didn’t have to lace, and left. I didn’t even bother to grab my wallet or anything important.

I just quietly fumed as I walked to Tyler’s house, hoping he was home since I didn’t have my cellphone to check. Thankfully, he was. He answered the door with a very confused face, allowing me to just push by him and into the living room. I took off my shoes angrily, going right into his kitchen to clean the inevitable pile of dishes that’s almost always there.

Tyler stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching me scrub things. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just furious and I needed to clean something and I know I can always clean something here. So I’m here.”

Tyler scratched the back of his head, trying to decide how best to talk to me. “I see that. What caused this cleaning spree?”

“Men are dumb. They can’t make up their minds for more than two weeks at a time. But god forbid if you go anywhere or do anything remotely unaligned with whatever they want. Then it’s all your fault. But they’re allowed to just suddenly go all ‘I don’t want to move to Germany with you because it’s pointless without my brother.’”

I angrily threw the sponge into the sink. Tyler came over, gently grabbing my hands, and then pulling me against him so that he could both soothe me and prevent me from angrily breaking something and hurting myself.

“It’s not fair,” I murmured into his chest. He sighed.

“No, it’s not.” He pulled away, looking me in the face. “I don’t want to make you any more angry than you already are. But,” he hesitated as he tried to work out how to phrase what he was about to say. “Maybe this is a sign that you shouldn’t try so hard to make this work. It shouldn’t be this hard. You’re going to go to Germany in two weeks. Two weeks. If he’s going back and forth on it, maybe it’s better he doesn’t go with you.”

I was quiet for a few minutes, looking down in disappointment. “I know.”

“And I know you won’t tell me, because I think you’re trying to protect him more than he’s protecting you, but they had something to do with Aidan, didn’t they? Rocco just didn’t end up dead there for no reason.”

I stiffened. Tyler really is smarter than he lets on.

“I thought so. Did he get jealous and--”

“I shot him,” I shook my head. “I killed Aidan. Murphy and Connor didn’t have anything to do with that.” Tyler was shocked, studying my face to determine if I was lying.

“He kidnapped me and Rocco found out,” my voice caught in the back of my throat. It felt like I was seeing his dead body for the first time all over again. I closed my eyes, trying to shut it out. Tyler pulled me closer to him as I started crying.

Once I had calmed down a bit we sat in the living room on the couch and I told Tyler what had happened; though I left out the part about the boys and Smecker. Tyler was quiet through all of it, letting the details wash over him so that he didn’t miss any of it.

“That’s not what I was expecting,” he said after I had finished recounting the details. I sighed, pulling my knees up to my chest and staring at the box of tissues on his coffee table. Maybe if I stared hard enough, the answer to the universe would show up there. “Does Murphy know all of this?”

“A bit, not as much about how I’m not dealing with it.” 

Tyler ran his hands through his hair with a sigh. “I think you need to actually talk to him. Just him. Not Connor. You don’t exactly share how you’re feeling with people. Maybe he thinks you’re fine and that Connor still needs him. Or that he still needs Connor. He might not know how much you need him right now.”

As much as I hate to admit it, Tyler is right. I’m probably overreacting. I squeezed Tyler’s hand with a nod. He pulled me to my feet.

“Come on, I’ll walk you back. And I’ll take Connor out of the equation for you so that you can just talk to Murphy.”

I hugged Tyler gratefully, wishing that he had actually been born as my brother. I’m going to miss him terribly. If he doesn’t find a job after his semester finishes, maybe I’ll try to get him a job with me. 


	13. Walk Soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Walk Soft" by Wye Oak

Tyler and I walked to the apartment in silence. I was exhausted from being so angry and also just nervous. When I walked into the apartment, Connor and Murphy were on opposite sides of the room, clearly still pissed at one another. Tyler raised his eyebrows at the situation. When neither twin said anything, he shook his head and walked over to Connor. “C’mon, we’re going for a walk. I don’t care where we go. Just as long as it isn’t here,” he instructed. Connor glanced at Murphy before getting up, silently, and following Tyler out of the room.

“Why are ye always running back to him?” Murphy broke the silence, startling me.

“Who? Tyler?”

“Aye, why him?”

I stared at him in exasperation. “Murphy he’s gay,” I threw my hands in the air. We have monumental foundational cracks in our relationship and he’s jealous of my gay best friend. “And he’s also always there for me. If I need him, he doesn’t change his mind two seconds later. He’s there for me. And he helps me fix whatever is wrong.”

“Ye saying I don’t do that?”

“Do you hear yourself? You literally said you didn’t want to move to Germany without Connor and Noah because it was pointless. You’re supposed to be moving there for  _ me _ .”

“I am moving there for ye,” he said angrily. “I just can’t let this go.”

"I can't do this. I don't know how you can keep picking this!"

"Because it's me calling, love."

"No, a calling is finding out you're a mechanic or something." He opened his mouth to speak but I kept going. "You almost died last time! I almost died. Rocco  _ did _ die." My voice caught in my throat as I felt my resolve not to cry dissolve. 

“I’m not going to die.”

“That’s bullshit, Murphy. You and Connor fucking walk around like you’re invincible now. You’re human.”

“We’re doing God’s work,” he insisted. “We’ll die when God wants us to.”

“And the hell to anyone else then. Fuck whoever gives a shit about the two of you.” I rubbed my face with my hands. “I can’t do this anymore, Murphy. I can’t keep arguing with you over this. You’re either done or you aren’t. And if you aren’t, just let me go.”

“I can’t make that promise,” Murphy said softly. The anger in the room had dissipated. Now it was just disappointment. I looked up at him sadly. “I love ye, Cecilia, I do. But I have to do this.”

I held his face in my hands, kissing him gently. I wanted him one last time. Just one more goodbye.

We had gotten dressed again and Murphy was helping me gather my stuff when Tyler and Connor returned. Tyler took the heaviest of my things silently. I’ll stay with him until I leave. I had gotten rid of my apartment after Murphy said he loved me. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

I hugged Connor goodbye and Murphy walked me to the door. Tyler waited out in the hallway. Murphy hugged me, inhaling the scent of my hair. Gently, he kissed me goodbye. “I love ye, Cecilia.”

“I love you, too, Murphy.”

And then I left. Tyler and I walked back to his apartment in silence. Once we were inside, however, I broke down crying. Tyler put my things down, kneeling beside me as I cried. I wanted so badly to make it work, to just go back and take everything back. But I can’t. This is how it has to be.

The rest of my time in Boston was miserable. Tyler, Caleb, Jess, and Adam tried their best to cheer me up. I tried to fake it to feel it. But I couldn’t. Everything felt numb. It was as if I had slipped beneath the surface of the ocean and couldn’t get back to the ones that I loved that were still on shore.

But today is the day that I fly to Germany. Maybe it’ll be good for me to put some distance between myself and Boston. So much has happened in the last four years that I’ve been here. I moved here for someone I was in love with that turned out to not be the person that I thought he was. And now he’s dead. I killed him. I made a group of amazing friends, and we have a lot of love between us. But our lives are pulling us all in different directions. Caleb and Jess are going to start a family. Adam and Tyler have been having more problems than usual. Tyler and I will always be best friends. Distance and time can’t break our bond. I reconnected with Rocco. Thinking about him and his goofy smile still shatters my soul into a million pieces. We didn’t have enough time together. But I’ll carry the memory of him with me always. Connor became one of my good friends, like a brother to me. He was so easy to talk to. And, oh god, Murphy. I love him more than I ever loved Aidan. Walking away from him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s probably the hardest thing that I’ll ever do.

“You ready?” Tyler asked, his long hair pulled up into a bun. I turned away from the window and nodded. It would just be him and I going to the airport. “Hey, don’t cry. Today’s an exciting day. And you’ve got a long flight ahead of you.”

I wiped my eyes, nodding. I didn’t trust myself to speak without crying. Tyler grabbed my bags for me while I took my guitar. I had gotten rid of most of my things, but my guitar was coming with me. Music didn’t feel right at the moment, but it would again some day. My emotions are just too raw right now to sort through.

We made small talk on the way to the airport, nothing heavy or deep. I think he was afraid I was going to change my mind and make him turn around. But I couldn’t stay here. At this point, being in Boston just brought me more pain.

Tyler parked the car, helping me into the airport. He stood with me, trying his best to make me laugh and feel at ease as we checked in my large bag and guitar to go in checked luggage. I kept my messenger bag full of some necessities and books for the plane ride. He stayed with me up until I had to get in line. Once I was through the passport and boarding pass check, I turned and waved at him. I hoped my smile was convincing as I blew him a kiss.

He laughed, forming a heart with his hands as a response. And then I was walking on the plane. I wished that this was one of those cheesy romantic comedies I made fun of with Murphy. If it was, he would’ve run up to me when I was boarding and tell me that he was wrong about everything and that he’d follow me no matter where I went. Then we’d get the nice old lady beside me to switch seats with him so he could be with me. And then we’d start our life together in Germany. But this wasn’t like the movies. The plane took off without Murphy coming to whisk me off of my feet once again.

I don’t regret any of our time together. But my heart is so heavy now that I’m surprised the plane wasn’t over its weight limit. It wasn’t until I could no longer see the city that I pulled out one of my books and began to read. I needed to be in someone else’s head that wasn’t mine for a while.


	14. Eyes of the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Eyes of the World" by Fleetwood Mac

“How long have you been in Germany?” the camp’s doctor, Dr. Fischer, asked as she took my blood pressure.

“About a month,” I smiled.

“Too long to be travel sickness. You said you’re having some nausea, headaches, fatigue, dizziness?”

“Yeah, I thought it was the time zone difference but it hasn’t gone away at all.”

“You’re sexually active?”

“I have been.”

“Currently?”

“Not for almost two months.”

“Are you still having your periods?”

I shook my head. “No, but I’m not regular so that’s not really that weird.” She nodded.

“Well, it might be a stomach bug. I’m sure there are some things your immune system isn’t used to here. But I’ll take some blood just to be safe and make sure that it isn’t something more serious.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I was glad the camp had a doctor on premises. And that my boss was also a woman so she didn’t mind me actually taking a bit of time off to get a checkup. Adrienne had told me she’d rather I’m healthy than digging in the dirt all the time.

“I can process this right here so I should have your results in a few hours. Are you on site today?”

“Adrienne told me not to be, but I feel better being on site. So I’ll be there and she’ll have to deal with it.”

Dr. Fischer laughed. “No wonder she’s so fond of you. You’re very similar. I’ll come find you when this is done.”

I thanked her before going back through the camp and down the path to get to the dig. Adrienne put her hands on her hips when she saw me.

“You’re supposed to be at Dr. Fischer’s tent.”

“I just came from there. She said she’d come find me when she knows something.”

“She gave you clearance to work?”

“Not in those words exactly.” Adrienne sighed.

“Go help scrub stuff. But take it easy. I don’t need you passing out on me.”

“Yes ma’am,” I grinned, going over to one of the cleaning stations to start cleaning what they were pulling out of the ground. I was glad for the work. This was an easy task and it let me not pay attention very much so I could just take a mental break. I felt like I had just gotten there when Dr. Fischer came into the camp, looking slightly worried. She stopped to grab Adrienne before coming over to me.

“Let’s talk in here,” Adrienne offered up her office tent.

“You’d better sit,” Dr. Fischer told me.

“Is something actually wrong?” I asked, suddenly terrified.

“Sit.” I sat down in the closest chair, waiting for her to say something like I was trying to ask a question in elementary school. “Cecilia, you’re pregnant. About two or two and a half months, I’d say.”

I must have heard her incorrectly. “I’m sorry, I thought you said I’m pregnant.”

“You are.”

I felt very lightheaded as I stared at my hands. I’m pregnant. Oh god. What am I going to do? I didn’t have any doubts about keeping it. I’d never give it up. Should I tell Murphy? Would that even change his mind? It probably wouldn’t. I can’t tell him. He’d want to be involved. That kind of life isn’t good for a kid.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Adrienne pulled me out of my thoughts, grabbing my hands as she kneeled in front of me. “Stay with me, McCarthy. It’s okay. We’re a family here. This doesn’t change anything other than some more safety precautions.”

Dr. Fischer nodded. “I’ve seen plenty of women manage their pregnancies on site before. That shouldn’t be an issue until you’re further along.”

“And if bed rest is warranted, I have plenty of paperwork to put you on,” Adrienne smiled, squeezing my hands.

“But I do recommend getting an ultrasound. I’ll get some prenatal vitamins in for you.” 

“What about after?” I asked, trying to remain logical.

“Well, there will be a period you won’t be able to work. But we’ll make sure you get all the care and provide whatever we can in that period. Provided you’d still like to work with us after you’re more able to. It won’t be the first kid raised on a dig site. I’ve been on dig sites since I was born. It’s doable. And possible. And I’m offering you that choice.”

I squeezed her hands appreciatively. “I’d like that. I love it here and I don’t want to leave.”

“Don’t worry. Just focus on staying safe and healthy.” I nodded as she let go of my hands to hug me. “Is there anyone you’d want to call or write to?”

“My best friend. He always knows what to do,” I nodded.

“Here, use my phone in the office. Take your time. Come back out when you’re ready or come get me if you need anything. And I mean it. I’m not just saying it to be nice like you Americans do.” I laughed, thankful that the Italian woman had taken a liking to me immediately. It probably had to do with the fact that she could tell I was Italian.

The two women left me alone. I stared at the cellphone in my hands while I decided who to call. Taking a deep breath, I entered a number I knew by heart. It picked up on the third ring.

“Hello,” Tyler answered, sounding very groggy and disoriented.

“Hey Tyler,” I replied, feeling very awkward about how to break the news to him.

“Cecilia?” There was a pause. “It’s like four in the morning. Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” I tried to find a way to phrase what I was thinking in a more delicate way. When I couldn’t, I just blurted out: “I’m pregnant.”

I heard a loud thud followed by Tyler fumbling for the phone. He either fell out of bed or he dropped the phone. I decided it would be inappropriate to ask right now. “You’re what? How?”

“Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much,” I replied sarcastically.

“Shut up, you know what I mean.”

“I don’t know. I have to get an ultrasound but the doctor here said I’m about two or two and a half months along.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I have no idea.”

“I know you haven’t told me everything that caused your relationship to fall apart, but I think he deserves to know.”

“I’ll...think about it.” He groaned on the other end.

“I am too tired for you to be this insufferably stubborn.” I laughed. “If I tell him to get in contact with you, will you talk to him?”

“If he agrees to talk to me, then yes.” I gave him the main phone number for the camp.

“Jesus, he’ll agree to fucking talk to you. Drama queen. Now I’m going back to bed. Go waddle back to work.” Before I could reply he hung up. God, I miss him.

I sighed, put the phone back on the table, and went back to work.


	15. Follow the Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Follow the Line" by A. Wolf & Her Claws

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be doing that,” Adrienne chastised me as I tried to lift a tray of specimens. She waved me out of the way, moving it to the other table for me. “Why aren’t you on lunch with everyone else?”

“I have eaten so much today that I might actually puke if I eat any more,” I admitted, the very thought of food making me nauseous. 

“Fair enough,” she laughed. “How are you feeling otherwise?”

“Like a fucking whale,” I looked down at my stomach. I was a little over six months along now. “Are all pregnancies this...much?”

“No, but you’re carrying twins.” I put my hand on my stomach. “Does he know?”

“No, a mutual friend tried to get him in touch with me. But I don’t think that’ll be happening.” I had seen the news a few days after I talked to Tyler. Connor, Murphy, and Noah had executed the Yakavetta boss, Papa Joe, in broad daylight, unmasked, on national television in a courtroom. He was probably too busy evading authorities to even give me a second thought.

“Well, just as well. If he can’t manage to get in touch with you when you need him to, what’ll he do to these poor babies?”

I smiled weakly. I had no doubt Murphy would be a decent father. His mom raised both of them well. I just didn’t think that the choices he’s made at this point in his life would go well with raising children. After I saw the news, I made my peace with the fact that Murphy would probably never know. I’d probably just never see him again. That thought made me sad and I had to remind myself that it was necessary.

“Jesus, you did get big.”

If I wasn’t seeing him with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it. Tyler stood before me, grinning. I let out a squeak before waddling over to pull him into a tight hug. He hugged me back, careful not to crush my stomach.

“Tyler, what are you doing here?”

“You two know each other?” Adrienne asked. “Tyler’s our newest intern.”

I hugged her without responding. She laughed, hugged me, and stroked my back comfortingly. I’d probably never know if she did this intentionally but I was glad Tyler was here anyway.

“Well, since you do, why don’t you show him around the camp while I get his initiation paperwork sorted out.”

Tyler and I walked around the camp, arm in arm, as I introduced him to people and pointed out where everything was. I was so happy that he was here. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to work here?” 

He shrugged. “I wanted to surprise you.” His face got serious. “I assume Murphy never contacted you?”

“He didn’t. I assume you’ve seen the news.”

“Did you know?”

I looked away from him, watching some of the workers as they worked. “I did. I didn’t know that that was going to happen. But I knew it was them, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I understand a lot better now. At first I was pissed at you for just not telling me about it. But I don’t really know what my reaction would’ve been.”

“That’s fair,” I laughed. “I definitely didn’t handle it well.”

“That’s why you weren’t sure if you were going to tell him, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. He made his choice to be part of that and I made my choice to not be part of it.” I put my hands on my stomach with a frown. “I’m scared.”

He pulled me into a hug. “I know.”

I pulled away from him, forcing a smile. “C’mon, I bet you’re hungry. I was starving when I first got here. I have full access to the kitchen so I can eat whenever.” The nausea from earlier was entirely gone now and I felt like I was starving.

The next few months flew by. As Adrienne had suspected, I did end up being confined to my bed by Dr. Fischer. At this point I’m just waiting for something to happen. Adrienne gave me some paperwork to work on to keep me busy, but I was going stir crazy. I wanted to be up and moving. But every time I try to get out of bed, Adrienne or Tyler catch me and give me hell until I give up and just sit here.

I mostly hate sitting here because it’s giving me time to think. I haven’t managed to hear anything about Murphy, Noah, or Connor. I don’t know if they’re safe or not. I had an idea. The cops had been helping them. I just wanted to know if they were safe. I didn’t need to know where.

I grabbed the phone Adrienne left with me and dialed the number for the local operator here. She didn’t speak very much English, but it was enough to get the phone number for the Boston Police Department. After a few rings, an officer named Duffy picked up the phone.

“Hi, I have some information on the Saints. Is there someone I can talk to about that.”

“Oh, yeah, hang on.” He put me on hold. A few minutes later, Detective Greenly answered.

“Look, I don’t have any information for you,” I cut him off. “Are they okay? I just need to know if they’re okay.”

He hesitated, trying to pick his words carefully. “We don’t know where they are, but they are not in police custody and still remain at large.” I hung up before he could ask any questions. That was good enough. I winced as the pain of a contraction hit me. That’s it. I need to get up and out of this bed. Carefully, I got out of the bed, waddling towards the front of the tent. I definitely move a lot slower than normal. Another contraction.

I stopped at the entrance of the tent, holding my stomach. There was a sensation of a small pop before liquid started to trickle down my leg. Panic immediately started to settle in. Tyler. Adrienne. I need someone.

“Hey, sweetheart, come sit here,” one of the men nearby said calmly. He helped me over to one of the nearby folding chairs. It was Ed, one of the older men in the camp. “I’ll go let Dr. Fischer know to call an ambulance to take you to the hospital and then I’ll get Tyler or Adrienne, okay?”

“Thank you, Ed,” I nodded. I was only alone for a few minutes before Adrienne was brushing my hair out of my face.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. Dr. Fischer called an ambulance. They should be here shortly. Tyler’s being notified, too. He’ll be the one to go to the hospital with you.” I gripped her hand as I got another contraction. It felt like forever before Tyler came over to us. And even longer before I was being loaded into the ambulance to go to the hospital.

By the time we got to the hospital, I was too far along for an epidural to have time to take effect. The nurses made Tyler wait in the waiting room before rushing me back into a delivery room. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever gone through. More terrifying than being kidnapped, even, because I was worried for the life that I was carrying. Everyone was moving so quickly.

It seems that labor is one area that I’m lucky. From my water breaking until I was actually holding the twins in my arms, it was only about a six hour ordeal. Adrienne had told me horror stories from women she knew who were in labor for several days. That had been a small fear in my mind up until now.

Tyler was allowed into the room as I was holding the twins. A boy and a girl. The boy had dark hair like Murphy but the girl had red hair like mine.

“They’re beautiful,” Tyler said, admiring them. “Have you decided on names?”

“Kelly Marie and Declan Isaac.”

“McCarthy or McManus?”

“That I don’t know.”

“Hyphenation?”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Yes, because McCarthy-MacManus just rolls off of the tongue so well.” I rolled my eyes, glancing down at my children. I didn’t want to split them and give one name to one but not the other either.

A nurse came in to take Kelly and Declan away while another came in with two pieces of paper. I noticed that my surname was already printed on them. “Have you picked out any names?” the nurse asked as he handed me the pen. “If not, you can wait. But there are a few rules you should know about. You’ll be required to abide by our naming laws here. That means that your surname will be on the certificate unless your friend is here to claim paternity.”

“Oh, no, he’s not the father. I do know the father, though, will he be on the certificate?”

“He will have to claim patronage if he’d like to be on it.” I exchanged a glance with Tyler. I guess that’s that. I feel like I’m shutting him out of their lives already and they’re like thirty minutes old. “Do you have names picked out?”

“Kelly Marie for the girl, Declan Isaac for the boy?”

“You’ll have to use Marie as part of the first name since Kelly is unisex. Did you have a backup middle name for the girl?”

“My mom’s name, Gabriella.”

“That’s good. I’ll have you fill out these forms here. You can hyphenate the first names or not, your choice.” KellyMarie Gabriella McCarthy and Declan Isaac McCarthy. “Thank you, I’ll leave you to rest a bit. One of us will be back later so you can try nursing.”


	16. Ready Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ready Yet" by Sasha Sloan

“KellyMarie, go play with your brother,” I chastised the young girl before me as she tried bothering Adrienne. Kelly stuck her tongue out at me before going off to play with her brother, who was bothering Tyler. They’ve been a handful for the last few years. Tyler and Adrienne have been infinitely helpful. We’ve just moved our expedition to Ireland after being in Germany for seven years. Over that amount of time, Tyler and I had become part of Adrienne’s main crew. We’ll be with her no matter where she moves to unless we decide not to. But then we’ll have to find another job. And we both love Adrienne so I don’t see that happening.

My mother and I have also reconciled over the last few years. She even came out to Germany to live with us and followed us to Ireland. She stays with the kids and I and helps take care of them when Tyler and I are actually busy and need to concentrate. I wouldn’t have thought that that would ever happen. But it did.

“Are you busy with anything? I do actually have a task for you.”

“I’m not busy, I was just washing up.”

“Good, I need you to see if this farm will give us permission to dig into their property a bit. We’re right at the property line but I think we might need to go a little further in. I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

I sighed. “Why not send Tyler? He’s more personable.”

“Yeah, but you’re Irish. Anyone living this far out has to be old school Irish pride.”

“That’s prejudiced.” She raised her eyebrows at me before handing a clipboard and pen to me.

“Yeah, well, I’m your boss. It’ll take you like three seconds.”

“Fine, but you owe me.”

“I’ll make sure a nice bottle of whiskey ends up in your tent.”

“Tullamore Dew,” I nodded before turning and heading towards the farmhouse in the distance. When I got to the door, I rang the bell and waited, trying to work out what exactly I’d say so I didn’t have to think entirely on my feet. When the door was answered, however, everything I had prepared left my mind and I stood there dumbstruck. Noah McManus stood before me. He also looked startled, clearly recognizing me.

There were several minutes of awkward silence as we just stared at one another. Eventually, I remembered that I was working. I cleared my throat awkwardly. “Uh, hi, um,” I stammered. “I’m working with the crew down at the corner of your property.” I pointed, he followed my finger with a squint. “And, uh, we were wondering if we might have permission to extend our dig a little bit further and onto your land. We have a grant, so you’ll be compensated for it. I just need you to sign here and here.”

Noah just continued to stare at me. I stood there awkwardly, trying to smile but I think it came out as more of a grimace. This is so terribly awkward. But it was about to get more awkward.

“Da, who’s at the door and why are you jus’ starin’ at ‘em,” Connor asked, coming into view. If I didn’t recognize his voice, I probably wouldn’t have recognized him. His hair had grown out and he had a very long beard. He also stopped and stared at me in disbelief. I was debating whether or not to go through my whole spiel again when Connor shoved by Noah and pulled me into a hug.

“So you’re not pissed at me then?” I asked, patting him on the back.

“What? No. I’m not pissed at ye. I told Murphy to go fecking find ye when we left the States but he’s a stubborn eejit. How long have ye been in Ireland for?” 

“Like four months,” I admitted. 

“And ye’ve been down there the whole time?” He glanced at the dig site. “Is that Tyler?” He squinted. “And are those kids? Ye’ve got kids on the dig site, is that safe?”

“Trust me, they’re safe. Between all of the adults there, they aren’t left alone at all.”

“Who’s kids are they? Tyler’s?” I gave Connor a look that told him his question was stupid.

“You do know Tyler is gay, right?”

“I mean, he could adopt, aye?”

“He didn’t.”

“They’re yours,” Noah spoke for the first time, studying me. I squirmed uncomfortably. Connor looked surprised.

“Just sign the paper, please,” I avoided the question, shoving the clipboard at them. Noah scribbled a signature in the spots I had marked. “Thanks. I have to get back to work now.”

Before either of them could say anything, I hurried back to camp. Declan immediately ran over to me, throwing himself around my legs, and talking excitedly about a worm he had found. Kelly didn’t even bother to look over from what Tyler was showing her. My mom wandered out of the tent, calling the kids over for a snack. They both skipped over to her, entirely content with their unconventional lives.

“Did you get the signatures?” Tyler asked, wiping his hands off on a towel that was at his waist. I nodded.

“Yup, two signatures from one Noah McManus.”

“That’s not just a common name from the look on your face.”

“No, they’re here, and they’re all in that farmhouse.” He looked at me, trying to work out how to ask how I was going to handle this without sounding like a jerk. I shook my head. I didn’t know what I was going to do about it. On one hand, I wanted to see Murphy and I wanted the kids to know their dad. But, on the other, Connor had said he had told Murphy to find me and he never did. So did he even feel the same way after all this time? Probably not. I also wasn’t naive enough to think that they’d be in hiding for forever. Something would eventually draw them out. And then the kids would lose the father that they hadn’t known about.

I sighed before linking arms with Tyler and dragging him into the tent with me to have snacks with the twins and my mom. And probably mid-day whiskey. I was going to need it.


	17. Watermelon Sugar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Watermelon Sugar" by Harry Styles

That night, mom, Adrienne, Tyler, the twins, and I were all gathered around a campfire. Declan was sitting on the ground against my shins while Kelly was in my lap. Both kids had sticks and were toasting marshmallows. Declan kept insisting that his was better burned while Kelly was barely dipping hers in the fire before giving up and deciding to just eat the marshmallows straight from the bag.

“Mom, there’s some guy that keeps watching us,” Kelly whispered, putting her small arms around my neck and hugging me closer. I glanced behind me. Connor was standing there.

“It’s okay, honey,” I kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you go sit on Uncle Tyler’s or grandma’s lap and I’ll be right back?”

“I kind of didn’t believe ye,” Connor said, watching the twins as they went over to my mom and Tyler. Declan grinned and waved at me before going back to burning his marshmallow. “They look happy.”

“They are,” I said, turning my gaze to him.

“He looks like Murph.”

“Probably because he’s Declan’s father,” I sighed in irritation. “Are you just here to bait me into bringing the kids up to the house? Because I won’t do that. I’m not going to just shock them like that. They’re happy.”

“I’m not here to bait you,” Connor put his hands up in surrender. “I just think you should tell Murphy.”

“I’ll literally tell him right now. There’s never been an issue of me telling him things.” The harshness of my words made him wince. I tried to reel in my anger. “I’m sorry. That’s not anger for you.”

“It’s not entirely displaced. Murphy is around if ye want to see him.”

“Yeah, just let me tell Tyler and my mom first since they’ll be stuck watching the kids until I’m back.” He nodded, staying where he was as I went to the camp.

Kelly looked up at me, her eyes narrowing at my face. “Mom, why do you look like you swallowed a bee?”

I reached down and ruffled her hair, trying my best to smile. Tyler was also studying me while my mom was trying to tame Declan’s desire to put a flaming marshmallow in his mouth. “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart, Mom’s just gotta take care of some things, alright?”

I leaned down so that I was eye level with the twins.

“Now you two be good for Uncle Tyler and grandma, alright?”

“Okay,” they said in unison, both exaggerating the amount of energy that would take before grinning at each other and giggling. I knew as soon as I walked away they were going to get up to some kind of shit that would drive my mom crazy. Tyler is a lot better at handling it.

“We’ve got it,” Tyler nodded at me.

“Thanks.” My mom said nothing, clearly sizing Connor up.

Connor and I ascended the hill in silence as he led me over to the barn on the outskirts of the property. I couldn’t see the camp from here any more, I noticed as I looked back over my shoulder while Connor opened the door.

“It’s about damn time ye showed up,” Murphy yelled without turning around. “I’ve been fecking looking after the sheep all meself today. What have ye even--,” he stopped, dropping the shearing equipment to the floor when he saw me. Similarly to Connor, his hair and beard were excessively long. He looked like I was about to murder him.

“Look who I ran into,” Connor grinned, delighting in the fact that Murphy looked so unbelievably uncomfortable. When Murphy said nothing, Connor glanced at me. “It’s Cecilia--”

“I know who it is, ye twat,” Murphy glared at him. He went back to staring at me in silence.

“It’s nice to see you, too, Murphy,” I tried to hold back my laughter. He seemed to snap out of it then.

“I didnae mean it like that,” he insisted. “What are ye doing here? I thought ye were in Germany.”

“I was,” I said dismissively. “Now I’m here. Our other project finished and we got a new one.” This was not going how I had pictured this in my head over the years.

“But ye have kids there.” Immediately, he realized his mistake. Connor stiffened beside me, looking confused and then horrified. Apparently Murphy had tracked me down. And Connor hadn’t even been aware. I think he was expecting me to be angry. Instead, I was dumbfounded.

“You’re an absolute idiot still,” I shook my head. Connor slowly turned around and started walking out of the barn. “Whose kids do you think they are?”

He mumbled something that I didn’t catch. I raised my eyebrows. “I saw Tyler and I assumed--”

“Oh my god,” I threw my hands up. “Tyler is still gay. They’re your kids, Murphy.”

“They’re mine?”

“Yeah, the one looks almost exactly like you. When you aren’t under all of...that.” I motioned to his hair and beard.

“I’m a dad.”

“Yeah, it’s why Tyler told you to get in touch with me.”

“Ye didn’t try to get in touch with me, either.”

“Murphy, you went and executed someone in broad daylight on national television and then went into hiding.” I crossed my arms. “I’m sorry I didn’t look very hard for you while I was trying to adjust to raising twins in a foreign country that I didn’t even speak the language in. I’ve never gone into hiding or tried to make it hard for you to find me. Which, apparently, you did.” He shifted uncomfortably.

I sighed.

“I’m going to go. Come find me if you ever want to actually talk about anything.” I turned to leave. Just as I was about to open the door, Murphy wedged himself between the door and me. 

“I’m afraid I’ll never see you again,” he admitted quietly. “I held on to that idea for so long. That I’d never see ye again.” I studied his face. Being this close to him still felt comfortable.

“I’ve never wanted to not see you again, Murphy.” That wasn’t a lie. I had never moved on from our relationship. Not into anything serious anyway. I always held out hope that he’d come back. “I just didn’t want to be part of that life.”

“I know,” he admitted softly.

“It’s not a life for kids.”

“Aye, it’s not, love.”

“I have to think about them first, that’s just how it is.”

“That’s how I’d want it. That’s how our Ma was. We were always first.”

“I obviously don’t know what you’ve been up to since Boston. And I don’t need to know. But if that’s still your life, I can’t have you meeting them. At least not as their father. I’m not going to open them up to you coming in and out of their relationship with you or to them being exposed to that kind of life.”

“We don’t do that anymore. We haven’t since Boston.”

“Do you want to meet them?” I held up a hand before he could speak. “It will not be immediately. I’ll have to explain who you are first. I’m not going to surprise them. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to you.”

“I’d like that.” He reached out, brushing his fingers against my cheek to tuck some of my hair behind my ear. I surprised him by kissing him. His hands found their way into my hair as I pulled him closer. And then I was out the door, heading back to camp. I didn’t need to turn around to know that he was watching me leave.


	18. If Children Were Wishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If Children Were Wishes" by Wye Oak

I walked back to camp, Kelly and Declan had fallen asleep on Tyler and my mom and Adrienne had retired to her quarters by the time that I got back. The fire was dying down and the nightly chill had set in. “I’ll help you put them to bed,” Mom said. I resisted the urge to sigh and roll my eyes. That was her way of saying she was about to have some things to say to me once Tyler wasn’t around. He shot me a sympathetic look as I took Kelly from him. She groggily opened her eyes, realized it was me, and then fell asleep again. These kids will sleep through anything, I swear. Mom and I took the kids inside, taking off their shoes and getting them into pajamas, and then tucked them into their beds. Within seconds, they were asleep again.

Mom walked outside, motioning for me to follow her. I glanced back at the kids, seriously deciding if I should wake one of them up as an excuse to lay in their bed and snuggle them, but also accepting that using my kids as a scapegoat would likely be frowned upon. I sighed and followed her, dragging my feet behind me.

“That was the father?” Mom demanded, crossing her arms. “He looks homeless.”

“No, that’s not their father. That’s their uncle.”

“He still looks homeless.”

“He lives and works on the farm there.”

“You knew they were living there. That’s why you brought these kids to Ireland instead of leaving them in Germany with their friends.” Oh boy. It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these fights.

“No, Mom, I didn’t know that they were living here. I didn’t know where they were.”

“But you told them about the children?”

“Yes, mom, they have eyes and they both deserve to know.”

“Both? You’re involved with both of them? What would your father think?”

“Well they’re Irish, so Dad would’ve loved them,” I quipped. “And, no, I wasn’t involved with both of them.” I thought of kissing Murphy again. It had been so easy, so comfortable. I couldn’t imagine that kind of closeness with anyone else.

“So this is why you’ve never kept anyone around for more than a few weeks. You’re still in love with the man that abandoned you and didn’t want any part of their lives.”

“Okay, stop. Now,” I crossed my arms as I stared her down. “None of that is true. Murphy didn’t abandon us, I technically broke up with him, and he didn’t  _ know _ he had children. I never contacted him to give him the option and then I lost track of him. But I will not have you badmouth him for something he’s not responsible for. It’s not fair to him, it’s not fair to me, and it’s certainly not fair to Declan or Kelly.”

“You’re just like your father. You’ll do whatever you want no matter what I say. I hope this doesn’t blow up in your face. For the children’s sake.” Before I could respond, she was walking away. When I entered the tent, I was beyond irritated. That emotion, however, quickly turned to fear as I realized that the twins were both standing near the doorway and staring at me. I don’t know how much they had heard, but it was enough.

“Our dad’s here?” Declan asked, his light blue eyes studying me closely. He really does look like Murphy. Dark hair, blue eyes, intense face. The only thing he got from me were a plethora of freckles. Kelly also had a lot of freckles, but she had my red hair and hazel eyes--the kind that are brown in the center with blue on the outskirts of the iris.

“Are we going to meet him?” Kelly asked. They were standing shoulder to shoulder and holding hands. I’m so glad that they’ve bonded how Murphy and Connor are bonded.

I sighed, turning them around and taking them over to my bed. We all sat on it as they turned to me expectantly, Declan on one side and Kelly on the other. I put my arms around them, pulling them close to me. “I had wanted to tell you in a better way than that. I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”

“It’s okay, Mom, it’s not your fault,” Declan said quickly. They’re only seven but they’re so mature sometimes that it seems like they’re several years older.

“Is he really like Grandma said he is?” Kelly inquired.

“No, your father is nothing like grandma says,” I shook my head. “He’s kind, and funny, and so understanding. I have no doubt that if he would have known about you two that he would’ve been with us, no questions asked. We were just at a point in our lives that being together didn’t work well for either of us. We aren’t separated because either of us did anything terrible. Your dad is a good guy.”

“I figured,” Declan nodded, “Grandma just hates everyone most of the time. Even Uncle Tyler and he’s always nice to us.”

“That’s true,” Kelly nodded in agreement. I should probably correct them for that, but instead I ended up laughing and kissing each of them on the head once.

“Do you have any questions about anything?”

“Do we get to meet him?” Kelly repeated her question from earlier.

“Only if you want to, I’m not going to force you two to do anything you don’t want, even if it’s not what your father or I want for you.”

“I want to,” they said in unison, strong conviction on their young faces. I smiled in relief. I had been a bit afraid they wouldn’t want to. I try to love them extra hard in Murphy’s absence...but sometimes that creates a rift that can’t be repaired. I’ve always been careful not to say very much about him, but I’ve answered their questions about him. Mostly just what he looked like, how we met, where he lived. Simple curiosities that gave them an idea of what he was like. They’re kids but they aren’t dumb enough to think they just didn’t have a father.

“Alright, then I’ll set something up. We’ll have a family dinner or something.” Without grandma, I added silently.

They both grinned in delight, getting up from the bed and going to jump into theirs.

“Hey, since you’re up, brush your teeth.” They groaned, insisting that grandma had made them do so already. “Yeah, and I know she did it too early and that the two of you snuck some more marshmallows. Teeth.”

“Yes, Mom,” they said in unison, dragging their feet as they began to gather the things to brush their teeth. I smiled. And just like that, they were back to being kids. I gathered my own toothbrush and toothpaste to join them in their quest for healthy, clean gums and teeth.


	19. Flowers On A Grave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Flowers On A Grave" by Bush

The next day on my lunch break, I headed up to the farm--without Declan and Kelly, despite their insistent whining that they wanted to go with me. Adrienne ended up distracting them with some bugs she found, distracting them with education. I used the time to gratefully slip away before my mother noticed either. I knocked on the door and was greeted by Noah. 

“Murphy and Connor are out tendin’ to the sheep,” he greeted. He’s a gruff, stoic man, but he looked a lot more relaxed. He was a lot more personable this time. Well, as personable as he ever really gets.

“Thanks, Noah,” I turned to leave but then stopped, turning back to face him. “Actually, I guess I should ask you, too. I assume Murphy told you?” He nodded. “Well, they’d like to meet him so I wanted to have a family dinner. I’m a pretty decent cook, so I’ll do all the cooking.”

“Are ye asking if that’s okay with me?”

I nodded.

“Aye, I’d love to meet the little ones.” I smiled, noticing how his eyes sparkled a little more at the idea.

“Good, I’ll check with the boys, but I was thinking tomorrow or the day after? Long enough for me to grab whatever we’d need.”

“That sounds perfect, lass,” he smiled softly. I smiled back.

“Good, I’m sure they’ll be excited for it.” And then I left to find the boys. It didn’t take me long to hear them bickering out back. Some things will never change. I stood there watching them bicker back and forth about who would be shearing a particularly persnickety sheep before they noticed I was standing there watching them.

“Sorry, we didn’t notice ye sooner,” Murphy apologized, the first to fully stand up and look at me. Connor followed his gaze, also standing up to face me.

“Family dinner tomorrow or the night after? Depending on when I can dump the kids on Tyler or my mom to grab groceries.”

“Yes,” Murphy said so quickly that I thought he might burst from excitement. 

“As a warning, I am going to try to get my mom to  _ not _ attend but I’m not sure I’ll be able to prevent that.”

“I think I can handle it,” Murphy said stubbornly. Connor turned to stare at him, lighting a cigarette, and then he started laughing at his dark-haired twin.

“I don’t think ye can handle it,” Connor laughed. “Ye could barely handle Cecilia getting pissed with ye.”

“I can handle it.”

“I think you’re volunteering for more than you can handle,” I laughed. “Trust me, she makes me look like child’s play.”

“Cecilia!” Mom called from a distance.

“Speak of the devil and she appears,” I said bitterly. Mom and I are getting along a lot better now, but we definitely don’t get along very well when Kelly and Declan aren’t around. Mom stopped about a foot behind me, eyeing the twins with a judgmental stare. She landed on Murphy.

“So you’re the dad.”

I sighed. “Mom, this is Murphy. Murphy, this is my Mom. And this is his brother Connor.” Murphy extended his hand politely but she looked at it as if it were diseased.

“So now you’re just going to be part of their lives? It’s been seven years, you know. They’re doing fine without you.”

“Mom, that’s unfair,” I cut her off before Connor was able to angrily respond. Murphy looked both shocked and a bit hurt. He’s a lot more sensitive than he lets on. “ _ I _ didn’t tell him about Declan and Kelly. That’s my fault, not his. And I asked the twins if they wanted to meet their dad and they said yes.”

“Well they just don’t know him.”

“Neither do you. And I’ve never hidden who their dad is or what he’s like. Not even from you, though apparently you haven’t retained any of that.” At this point, Connor and Murphy were shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. “We’re going to have dinner together. If you’re going to continue this attitude,” I waved my hand at her, “then I’d prefer if you wouldn’t attend so that you don’t ruin this for Kel and Dex because that’s absolutely not fair to them.” She opened her mouth to reply but I held up my hand, not done. “You will not ruin their relationship because of your own personal hang ups which, frankly, do not matter. I wouldn’t entertain the idea of introducing them if I thought it would be detrimental for them.”

She clenched her jaw, staring at the twins before fixing me with an angry glare. “I hope you’re right and that you know what you’re doing. You never do.”

As soon as she began walking back to camp, I rubbed the base of my skull. That gave me a tension headache. I needed some medicine before it turned into a full fledged migraine.

“Sorry about that,” I apologized to the boys, mostly looking at Murphy.

“That’s not the warmest welcome we’ve ever received,” Connor said jokingly. He then groaned. “That feckin’ sheep never stays where it feckin’ should.” And then he was off, yelling profanity at the lone sheep trying to escape the farm. I couldn’t help but smile, watching him carry on with his usual Connor antics.

“Thank you for that,” Murphy said after a few moments of silence. I turned to find him staring at me and smiled at him reassuringly.

“I meant what I said, Murphy. I’m still a little pissed you were an idiot and assumed that I was with Tyler, yet again, even though I can’t stress enough that we absolutely do not have a relationship like that. But it was my decision to not include you in their lives after the incident in Boston.”

“If I had known--”

“I know, and I told the kids that. They’re a lot more grown up than Mom or I give them credit for. They’re good kids, Murphy. Other than when Declan’s being a little shit like you,” I teased. He laughed, wrapping an arm around me, looking down at me.

“It almost feels like nothin’ has changed,” he said, studying my face.

“Yeah,” I smiled sadly. Eight years and I was still in love with a man I didn’t really know any more. He pulled away.

“I’d better go help Connor.”

I watched him walk away for a few moments before I turned away myself, going back to camp to deal with whatever wrath my mother wanted to bring down on me.


	20. Prometheus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Prometheus" by No Bird Sing

My mom refused to talk or look at me when I got back to camp. “You look relieved she’s ignoring you,” Adrienne noted as I came back over to continue assisting her with restoring a fossil we had found. “She looked pretty pissed when she came back.”

“Understandably,” I grumbled. “I wasn’t letting her rip into the kids’ father for no reason. Would you mind if I handled the next supply run? I wanted to pick up a few more things.”

“Yeah, that’s not an issue. It’s not like anything is really going on around here today anyway. Or any other day, really. Nothing groundbreaking. Why don’t you take Tyler and the kids into town? They could use a break from only seeing the camp. And I’m sure Tyler wants a break from your mom.” She paused. “Actually, can you take me, too?  _ I _ need a break from Gabriella.” I actually laughed so hard that I choked on my spit a bit. Adrienne grinned at me, clearly pleased by the success of her joke. “But, seriously, take the van and go. We’ll be fine without you.”

“Thanks,” I said gratefully before going to fetch the children and Tyler. I found Declan and Kelly playing with a sheep. I stood there in confusion, my arms crossed, and watched them for a few minutes.

“We should tell Mom,” Declan argued while Kelly hugged the sheep.

“No, she won’t let us keep it. Maybe we can sneak it into the tent,” Kelly said, looking at it thoughtfully.

“Kelly, she’d notice.”

“I’ll put blankets over it.”

“What if it baas?”

“He won’t, we have an understanding.” As if on cue, the sheep looked at me and let out a bleat, clearly begging to be saved. I couldn’t help but laugh. Kelly looked up at me, her face turning red while Declan looked at her triumphantly.

“I  _ told _ you that she’d find out.”

“I mean, you’re standing in the middle of the field hugging a sheep. Of  _ course _ I’m going to find out,” I laughed. 

“My plan was better than this.”

“I’m sure it was,” I patted Kelly on the head. “Now go find your uncle and have him get the van ready. We’re going to go into town.”

“Okay! What are you going to do with Erik?”

“I’ll take him back to the farm where he can hang out with his other sheep friends.” 

“I guess,” she said, allowing Declan to grab her hand and take her back to the dig site to find Tyler. I rubbed the bridge of my nose, looking down at the sheep and gave it a pat on the back.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

The sheep let out another bleat and trotted at my side as I ascended the hill with it. At one point, it tried to walk the complete other way. I herded it back the right way, running into Murphy as I did so.

“This fecking sheep won’t stay in one place,” he grumbled. “Thanks.”

“No problem, Kelly was planning on keeping Erik and hiding him under a blanket.”

“Erik?” He looked at the sheep. “This sheep is a girl.”

“Well, her name is Erik now. She didn’t seem to mind.” The sheep bleated once more before trotting away from Murphy and joining the other sheep like she had never left. She didn’t seem to care where she was at any point in time.

“Well, I’ll remember that one’s name then. It never fecking stays in place.”

I laughed, causing him to look at me and smile.

“I’ve missed hearing ye laugh.”

“I’ve missed you making me laugh,” I admitted. He looked as though he wanted to say something more on the subject but wasn’t sure how. I studied him for a few moments before smiling softly at him. “That’s not an impossibility. It never was.”

“How do ye do that?”

“What?”

“Jus’ know what to say when I dunno how to say it.” I shrugged.

“We’ll do dinner tomorrow. We’re going to go get the supplies now. Try not to lose Erik again. I’m afraid Kelly might actually try to hide it in the tent and refuse to part with it.” He laughed at the thought.

Tyler had the kids and the van entirely ready to go by the time I got back. Kelly was still talking about Erik and how she would think of a better way to keep her next time. Declan did not look okay with that idea while Tyler just looked confused. I’m sure they didn’t explain who Erik was at all. When he saw me, I mouthed the word “sheep” and he nodded in recognition, clearly now understanding what Kelly was rambling about.

“Mom,” Declan greeted, throwing his arms around my waist. I hugged him back, kissing the top of his head. Kelly stared me down, trying to decide how she felt.

“Is Erik okay?”

“Yes, Erik is okay and she’s back with the rest of her sheep friends.”

“Okay, I’ll allow it,” she nodded vigorously. We got the kids into the car and headed into town. It was an old, quaint little place. The grocery store wasn’t very large but it usually had what we needed. Tyler and I split the list, each taking one of the twins. He took Kelly while I took Declan. Doing it this way made us finish shopping before the kids got bored and it kept them engaged. I wonder if someday Murphy might be the one at the store with me instead of Tyler.

I felt a small pang of guilt. No wonder Murphy had assumed Tyler and I were together. We became practically inseparable after he moved to Germany. Enough so that Adam broke up with him when he visited because Tyler just wouldn’t part from the kids and I. I’ve always been extra careful and made sure that the twins know he isn’t their dad...but he’s always filled that role. No matter what it cost him. I’ll always be grateful for it. I don’t think I would have managed as well as I have on my own.

“I think those are fine, Mom,” Declan said, bringing me out of my thoughts. I’ve been staring at the ingredients on this bag of chips for that entire internal monologue. With a grin, I put them into the basket he was carrying and put my arm around him. I hope tomorrow goes well. If it doesn’t, I’m not really sure where to go from there.


	21. Can You Feel My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Can You Feel My Heart" by Bring Me The Horizon

The twins ran excitedly ahead of us while Tyler and I carried all of the groceries. The worms had been fine, though probably as displeased as worms can be. I also ended up having to clean up the twins because they immediately rubbed their hands all over each other’s faces once I took the worms away. It was only about three in the afternoon and I was exhausted. It’s one of those days.

I knocked on the door, the two twins almost bouncing in place. Noah answered the door, looking a bit surprised.

“I know, we’re about three hours early, but I couldn’t keep them contained any more,” I smiled. He let out a chuckle before bending down so that he was eye level with the twins. “Noah, this is Declan and Kelly. And this is your granda.” 

Noah held out his hand but the twins ignored it, throwing their arms around his neck instead. He was surprised for a few moments before patting them on their backs and hugging them. 

“Are the boys out back?” I asked Noah, noticing that they were nowhere to be found. He nodded. “I’ll go retrieve them.” I handed Tyler the bags I was carrying as Noah led the twins and him inside.

I went around back, finding the boys in the barn. They were clean shaven with their hair short.

“Well you two clean up nicely,” I smiled when I saw them. They looked surprised to see me so early. “The twins were restless, so we’re early. They’re in the house with Noah.”

“I have to, uh, grab something from the back of the barn,” Connor said awkwardly, getting up and walking away from us.

“Well that was weird, even for Connor,” I noted. Murphy laughed, looking entirely nervous about something. I narrowed my eyes at him, his nervousness making me suspicious. 

“Murphy, I swear to god if you’re going to tell me what I think you’re going to tell me, the twins will never meet you because I will murder you right here and right now,” I crossed my arms.

“What? No, that’s not what I’m about to tell ye,” he said, looking surprised. I relaxed a little but didn’t uncross my arms. He sighed, coming over to grab my hands, forcing me to uncross my arms and rubbing the back of my hands with his thumbs. “I want to take ye on a date.”

Now it was my turn to look startled. We’ve never been traditional together by any means. I don’t even think we’d ever been on anything I’d consider a date. And that’s not a bad thing, it’s just how we work. Dates are awkward. It’s never awkward with Murphy.

I realized I had been staring at him longer than I should have when he started to shift from foot to foot uncomfortably, trying to decide if he had stepped over some invisible boundaries.

“Murphy, you and I don’t do... _ dates _ .”

“I want to do it properly this time with ye.”

I laughed, unable to help myself before smiling at him. “We aren’t proper people, nothing about this is proper. But I would love to spend more time with you. Just please don’t make me sit through an awkward first date with you. That would be torture.”

He laughed before leaning forward to kiss me, still holding my hands. I rubbed my nose against him, just like I used to when we lived together. I laced my fingers with his.

“Now come on, they’ve inherited your sense of patience. They’re probably terrorizing poor Noah.” Murphy playfully poked me in the side.

“C’mon Connor, stop fecking off back there. We’ve gotta save Da from the little ones.”

I’d say Tyler is helping, but he’s probably just letting things play out unless they’re actually in danger. When we got to the door, I gave Murphy’s hand a squeeze before letting go of it, leading the way into the house. It was modest, but it wasn’t small, and all of the essentials were there. The kids were, as expected, terrorizing Noah. Tyler was in the kitchen beginning to prepare stuff for me while also listening to make sure no one was in danger of dying.

The twins stopped pestering Noah as soon as they realized I was back and that their father was with me. They grinned at Murphy as he knelt down to their level, almost knocking him over with a hug. Connor laughed. I went into the kitchen as the twins started trying to talk over one another.

“Thanks for getting stuff ready,” I greeted Tyler.

“It was more of an excuse to let them terrorize someone else for a change,” he laughed.

“That’s exactly why we’re in here and they’re out there,” I laughed.

Tyler and I finished preparing dinner and brought it out to the dining room table. The boys were seated across from the twins, speaking in Italian. The twins were watching intently.

“You do know they can understand what you’re saying, right?” I asked the boys, making them stare at the twins in disbelief. Without missing a beat, the twins switched to fluent Italian.

“We can. We wanted to see how long it would last,” Declan shrugged.

Kelly turned to her brother, switching to German. “Do you think they know German?”

The boys didn’t miss a beat, assuring the twins that they knew German while speaking Irish. The twins rolled their eyes. Of course they know Irish. I had made sure they knew it. Adrienne and mom made sure they knew Italian. We learned German because, well, we lived in German and it was more convenient than asking them to speak English every time.

“You’ll have to switch to Russian or one of the Uralic languages for them to not understand you,” I shook my head at what was happening in front of me. “Now go wash your hands, it’s time for dinner.”

“Yes, Mom,” they said in unison, getting up and heading to the bathroom to wash their hands.

“Ye’ve done a good job with them,” Noah said, breaking the silence as I served their plates. I smiled.

“Thanks, though I had a lot of help. Tyler, my mom, and our boss. They’re easy enough kids, just rambunctious.” 

“It’s still impressive,” Murphy said softly, looking at me with a mixture of admiration, guilt, and sadness. I shook my head.

“None of that,” I replied so that only he could hear me. 


	22. Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris" by Hayley Williams

The next few weeks were very relaxed. Most of our spare time was spent visiting Noah, Murphy, and Connor. My mom had even started coming along and, tentatively, warming up to the boys and their dad. She and Noah were even going to watch them together while Murphy and I went on our date. Since I had specifically requested no awkward nonsense, we agreed on going hiking instead.

“Are ye ready?” Murphy asked, watching as Kelly tried talking Noah into playing tag with them. Noah looked uncomfortable with the idea. I found out that he wasn’t really around when the boys were young, so small children are kind of a mystery for him. He’s slowly figuring out how they work--and when they’re trying to just mess with him.

“Yeah, I’m just watching your dad try to cope with being bamboozled with the kids,” I smiled at him. 

“Kel, stop harassing your granda,” I called. “And be good. You, too, Declan.”

They both shot me their most innocent smiles before waving us off and going right back to harassing their grandparents.

“They take after you,” I informed him as we left. He laughed, putting his hand in the small of my back and leading me to the car that they had on the farm. 

Wherever he was taking me was fairly far away, so it gave us a lot of time to just chat in the car. And, to my relief, there wasn’t any awkward silence. He’s always been so easy for me to talk to and I’m glad that our time apart hadn’t changed any of that.

Eventually we arrived.

I had no idea where I was, but it was beautiful. It wasn’t a very extravagant set of mountains, more like little hills and a long, flat stretch of land that was actually a cliff and overlooked the Irish Sea. Murphy opened the trunk, pulling a backpack and a blanket out of it. He linked his hand with mine as we walked along the coastline in a comfortable silence. 

Murphy stopped us when we got to the farthest edge of the cliff from the car, laying down a blanket for me to sit on while he set everything out for the picnic. It’s one of the few times I’ve seen him so nervous about getting everything just right. It was very sweet and I appreciated how hard he was trying. He even went through the trouble of, messily, serving our food and drinks. Though he had been relaxed before, he now seemed to have the nervous jitters of a first date. I guess we never really had an actual first date. 

“Murphy relax,” I smiled at him, resting my hand on his.

“I just want everythin’ te be perfect,” he admitted. 

I gave his hand a squeeze. “It already is.”

He furrowed his brows slightly, giving me a look that clearly indicated that that hadn’t been what he meant. I chuckled, opening my mouth to reply but stopped short of saying anything, my mouth falling slightly as I experienced the strangest feeling. I couldn’t place what it was exactly. It was a wave of calmness, washing away any emotion I was feeling, and then a cold creep in of heightened awareness and apprehension.

“Something’s wrong,” I stood abruptly, having trouble focusing on the scenery around me. I kept thinking of the farm. I needed to be there immediately. I have a cellphone, I remembered. I shushed Murphy’s confused and concerned questions, calling Tyler.

“Yeah?” he answered, sounding highly distracted.

“Tyler, are you at camp?”

“No, I’m getting supplies in town. Why?”

“This is going to sound insane, but can you get back to the farm and check on things?”

“Cec, what? Are you okay?”

“Forget how weird it is, just please do this for me,” I pleaded.

There was a slight hesitation before he agreed, ending the call.

When I turned around, Murphy was studying me. He had already managed to pack everything back up. He didn’t look angry or hurt. Instead, it almost looked like he was in disbelief.

“What?”

“Ye heard it,” he said simply, putting an arm around me and leading me back to the car. I didn’t ask him to elaborate on the way home. We didn’t speak at all, in fact. I was still entirely on edge. And what he was insinuating was ridiculous. I don’t believe in God. I didn’t mind the Church when I knew Murphy before but...now, I just can’t bring myself to believe in it at all. If there was a God, my life would be different. Declan and Kelly would have grown up with a father. I wouldn’t have been scared and selfish and monopolized Tyler’s time. Tyler wouldn’t have been worried about me doing something crazy like disappearing forever. A benevolent God wouldn’t allow that to happen. And I don’t want the God that would.

It was a long, silent car ride back. When I got back to the farm, Connor was sitting on the porch with Tyler. Both were smoking, though Connor looked a lot more calm. “Good thing ye called when ye did, lass,” he stood as he came over to us. His eyes connected with Murphy’s. I watched Murphy’s jaw tighten.

I looked at Tyler. “The kids are at camp with Gabriella. I’ll go let her know you’re back,” he said, accurately reading my body language.

“I’ll be down shortly,” I nodded, before turning to the twins and looking back and forth at them. “No more secrets.”

Connor sighed, put out the rest of his finished cigarette, and immediately lit another one. “Someone tried coming to the house. Da kept the kids safe,” he held up a hand before either of us could ask, “nobody got hurt.” He looked at Murphy. “They were after us.”

“ _ They _ ?” I questioned.

“The Russians, the Italians--who knows. No identification. Nothing. Just a fake passport.” Connor handed it to me. I opened it, checking the stamp.

“Boston.” I looked up at Murphy. “I told you that this whole thing was a bad idea.” He started to protest. “No, you don’t get to try and argue that you were right about this.” I shoved the passport at him. “This means that you weren’t.” I crossed my arms. “Now what are we doing about this?”

“We?” Murphy asked, clearly startled.

“Well I’m not letting the two of you handle it on your own.”

“We have Da--”

“No, someone that can protect the kids needs to stay with them.” They exchanged uneasy glances. “I’m not taking no for an answer. You either let me come with you, or I’m just going to do it anyway. I know how to shoot a gun,” I reminded them. It got awkwardly silent as they remembered the night that Rocco had died...and the night that I had shot Aidan.

“She is smarter than us,” Connor said with a shrug. Murphy turned his head to glare at the older twin, slapped the passport onto his chest, and then stormed off. “Ye really heard God this time?”

“I didn’t hear any God,” I said a bit more harshly than I meant. “It was just intuition.”

“Someday ye won’t be so angry wit Him.” He lit another cigarette. His nerves were shot. Before he could exhale after the first drag, I stole it from him and took a drag, walking after Murphy with it. I haven’t smoked since living with them. But my nerves were shot, too.

“Ye can’t come with us,” Murphy said, running his hands through his short dark hair. “The kids can’t have no parents.”

“Noah, Tyler, and my mom can handle it,” I said, handing him the cigarette. He took a drag before realizing I had been smoking. “Today’s more stressful than I thought it would be.” I sat down in the grass, watching the sheep wander aimlessly in their fenced area. He sat beside me, cigarette dangling between his fingers. I studied him. He was scared. Conflicted. I didn’t feel scared. I wanted to protect Declan and Kelly. Connor and Murphy, too.

Murphy turned his head to look at me, realizing that I’ve been staring at him. “You really are serious.”

“I can handle it, Murphy, I can.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. You changed after that night.” He looked away from me.

“I can’t separate parts of my life like that. I just change. That doesn’t change how I feel about you or the kids or anyone else. I know what people like that are capable of now. I’m not having my children learn that. And I don’t want them to go through the same things that we have.”

He sighed, muttered something to himself, flicked his cigarette away, and then kissed me. A sheep bleated behind me. Erik was standing there, casually chewing on some grass. She let out another bleat before walking back to her enclosure.

“She’s such a weird fecking sheep,” Murphy laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh with him, interlacing our fingers. Being with him still makes me feel safe. I hope that never changes.


	23. Barbies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Barbies" by P!nk

“Ye have everythin’?” Connor asked me as I zipped up the duffel bag on my bed. I turned to face him, nodding. He was trying to hide it, but he was tense. The boys couldn’t just get on a plane and go back into Boston. There was still a warrant out for their arrest. They’d have to get in illegally. I could technically fly into the country without any issues, but I refused to leave them out of my site. They’d find some way to slip away from me and get in even more trouble.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“And yer sure?”

I shot him an unamused look, slinging my bag over my shoulder. He grabbed it and took it from me before it was entirely on my back. The McManus twins will be chivalrous until they die.

“Thanks.” He said nothing, walking a bit away from the camp. He had already said goodbye to Declan and Kelly, both of whom were terrorizing Murphy at the moment. We were telling the kids, mom, and Adrienne that we were going on a trip for a bit. Noah and Tyler obviously knew what was actually going on. Through some kind of magic, Tyler and I had convinced Mom to stay with the twins in Noah’s house. She hadn’t wanted to listen to me until Tyler agreed it would be better. It wasn’t hard to convince the twins to stay with their grandfather. Kelly was just pleased to be so close to Erik and Declan was pretty content being anywhere with Kelly or Mom. So that was easy enough.

I came over to the twins, kneeling down to be eye level with them. They turned away from Murphy to throw their arms around my neck. “Have so much fun, Mom!” Kelly ordered me.

“We’ll be good while you’re gone,” Declan promised.

“Uh huh,” I teased them, pulling back slightly to look at them. “I just saw you hassling your dad.”

“Well that’s different,” they said in unison, “he’s Dad. Of course we’re going to hassle him.”

I laughed, kissing them each on the forehead and hugging them again. Glancing up at Murphy filled me with the resolve that I needed to stand up and walk them over to Noah and Mom. Kelly grabbed Noah’s hand while Declan grabbed Mom’s hand. They then grabbed one another’s hands so that they were in one nice, neat, familial line.

“Have fun on your trip,” Adrienne hugged me. “You’ll have to tell me all about it when you get back. I expect pictures. And chocolate.”

“I don’t think Boston is known for its chocolate,” I laughed.

“Everywhere has chocolate.”

“That’s a valid point,” Tyler chuckled, pulling me into a hug. “Stay safe, check in with me,” he whispered so that only I could hear. He pulled away from me, holding my hands and studying me for a few seconds before stepping away to stand beside Noah. Noah nodded. I didn’t have any doubts that he would look after the twins and the people here. Like Tyler, he was more worried about us. I was more worried about us, too. We were going in blind.

“Time to go, love,” Murphy told me, squeezing my hand gently. I looked up at him and nodded, forcing a smile as we waved and walked away.

The boat ride over was...less than glamorous. We were staying down with the cargo, rats, and other criminals. I don’t really interact with anyone that much. Just a random Mexican guy the boys managed to befriend. He reminded me of Rocco. God I still miss him.

“Ye okay?” Murphy asked, sitting down next to me on the cot. I looked up from my book that I had been pretending to read. “Ye read faster than that.”

I smiled slightly. “Yeah, I was just thinking about Rocco.”

Murphy was quiet for a few moments. “We miss him, too. I think about how things could have been different. But they aren’t.” Though he didn’t say it, I know he was thinking that it was the way God had intended it. If Rocco hadn’t died, they wouldn’t have been caught by Noah saying their family prayer. And they’d be dead. Smecker and I would be dead. Kelly and Declan wouldn’t exist. Mom and I wouldn’t have a civil relationship. Noah would never know who his sons had grown up to be.

I ran my hand through my hair, which was in desperate need of washing, and pushed those thoughts from my mind. It does me no good to go down the never-ending path of ‘what ifs.’ It must be reassuring to just let God handle things. Even if it’s all a farce.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Romeo asked, covering his eyes. I bit my bottom lip to keep from rudely laughing as I looked at Murphy. He looked as incredulous as I was.

“We’re holding hands, Romeo, ye eejit.”

Romeo peeked through his fingers. “I’m just trying to give you guys some privacy if you want it.” He looked at me. “I mean…”

Murphy’s jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring a bit. I gave up, falling back onto the cot laughing.

“Oh my god, you’re all fucking ridiculous,” I declared, giving up on even keeping track of where I was in my book.

“Ridiculously good looking,” Connor quipped as he walked over, wiping his hands off on a dirty towel. The boys had taken to fighting to pass the time. I mostly read or slept. I didn’t really feel particularly social at the moment. Going back to Boston was seeming to be a lot harder than I had originally anticipated. I guess I never really did have the time to properly deal with what had happened. I went from being heartbroken, grieving, and terrified to being pregnant and then I was a Mom and I didn’t have time to worry about me. I always felt like I had to try extra hard with the twins because they didn’t have their dad around. That meant that I never really took time for myself to recover from everything that had happened. And now I’m going back.

Murphy kissed my forehead, pulling me out of my thoughts and back into the present. He didn’t say anything as he wrapped an arm around me, trying to bring me some kind of comfort even though he didn’t really know why I was moody at the moment. And I didn’t know how to tell him how I was feeling because I didn’t want to make him feel guilty for how drastically my life changed. No, no more what if’s. I just need to deal with this and keep my weird, disjointed little family safe. And I’ll do that no matter what the cost is.


	24. Hello, I'm In Delaware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hello, I'm In Delaware" by City and Colour

“Oh come on!” Connor said petulantly as he threw his hand of cards on the table. Romeo had, once again, managed to have a better hand than him in poker.

“That’s bullshit,” Murphy agreed.

“What? I’m just lucky,” Romeo argued with a smug grin.

“Only the Irish are that lucky,” Connor said, his face incredulous. Romeo shrugged smugly, pulling his winnings towards him.

I shook my head, standing up and stretching. Murphy also stood, instinctively knowing that I was about to wander off. I smiled, holding out my hand. He took it, leaving Connor and Romeo behind to sort out who has a luckier heritage.

Murphy and I walked around in silence. Nobody even spared us a second glance. People here at least tend to keep to themselves for the most part. As soon as we were far enough away from everyone, Murphy kissed me, pinning my back to one of the storage containers. I couldn’t help but smile. The spontaneity was appreciated.

He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead on mine. “I can’t wait to be off of this boat,” he admitted.

“It’s only been two days,” I teased.

“That’s forever,” he corrected stubbornly. I couldn’t help but laugh. He smiled softly. “I’ve missed ye.”

“You keep telling me that.” I rubbed my nose against his. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“I never get tired of hearing ye say that.”

“I hope I don’t have to keep saying it,” I frowned. “Unless you’re planning on going somewhere.”

“No,” he reassured me quickly. He sighed. “I’m glad yer coming with us. I don’t like the idea of leaving Kelly and Declan behind, but I’ll worry less this way.”

“I know, it’s as if I have good ideas.” I was teasing him, trying to keep the mood light. He gave me an unamused look. I sighed. It wasn’t going to be easy to just pull him out of this mood. “I know what you mean, I’m just teasing you.”

He brushed my hair out of my face, kissed my forehead, and pulled me close to him, his arms wrapping around me protectively. It was almost as if he were afraid I was either going to change my mind and leave or that I might just shatter and fall to pieces right then and there.

“I’m okay, Murph,” I assured him, hugging him tighter. “I’m just sad. I never dealt with anything that happened in Boston. I just left. And then I had Declan and Kelly to worry about.” I pulled away from him.

A pained look crossed his face as he tried to figure out how to respond to that. I shook my head at him.

“No, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Things happened the way that they did and we can’t change it. We wouldn’t be where we are now if they hadn’t. And it’s not a perfect life, but you and I found each other. Our children are safe.”

“Things could have been different.”

“But they aren’t.” I placed my head against his chest, enjoying the feeling of closeness. “I want to visit Rocco when we get to Boston.”

“It’ll be the first stop.”

“Thank you.”

“Where’d you two run off te?” Connor wiggled his eyebrows suggestively when we finally returned. Romeo was nowhere to be seen. 

“Shut up, ye eejit,” Murphy grumbled, slapping him gently on the back of the head.

This devolved into their typical twin bickering before Connor finally called a truce and requested that Murphy touch up the tattoo on his back. After a few more quips, Murphy agreed. I settled into my usual place with a book in my hands on the cot I shared with Murphy. It was hard to concentrate though.

“If ye could dye yer hair any color, what would it be?” Connor questioned. Murphy gave it some thought as I turned my head to stare at them.

“Lighter,” Murphy decided. Connor lit up like someone had just told him that whiskey was half off today.

“Blond? Like gay, gay  _ blond _ ?”

Murphy began to protest before giving up and stabbing Connor with the pen he had been tattooing with. And then they were once again wrestling. I sighed, trying to resume my book, and decided to just not get involved. They’ll sort it out. I was also silently thankful that Declan and Kelly didn’t do this. They’d bicker and tease one another, but physical altercations were out of the question.

I sighed once again, this time in irritation at the noise as they knocked over the table, spilling the bowl full of water and coins they had been cleaning. Swinging my legs off of the cot, I sat up to yell at them only to realize that Romeo was there staring at the coins.

“Holy shit,” he breathed out, glancing at the twins, then to me, and then to the coins. Murphy and Connor immediately threw him to the ground, putting the barrels of their guns to his face. Oh for God’s sake. “No, no, no, wait! I want in.”

The twins looked confused, exchanging looks of disbelief.

“You guys do the right thing. I want to help. It’s badass.”

“Stop trying to kill the sympathizers,” I eventually chided the boys when they didn’t move their guns from pointing at Romeo’s face. Romeo grinned at me gratefully.

“Wait, are you actually in charge? That’s hot.” 

I laughed. “Absolutely not. No one is in charge of the McManus twins, trust me.”

Connor and Murphy exchanged indignant looks before looking at me and speaking in unison: “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re both stubborn and impossible.”

“Well she’s not wrong,” Connor admitted. Murphy scowled but didn’t argue.

“Are you boys gonna clean up the coins, or am I going to have to do it?” I interrupted what was sure to be another whole ordeal of arguing.

“We’ve got it,” Murphy grumbled. I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and tried to resume my book. Tomorrow is going to be a long day and I’m going to be glad to be off of this ship. Even if it is in Boston.

That night, I slept very poorly. I gave up about halfway through, climbing over Murphy, and leaving our little area to try and walk around the ship to clear my head. I didn’t get very far before I found Romeo doing some sit ups very vigorously. He stopped and grinned when he saw me.

“Hey boss,” he greeted brightly. Nothing seemed to phase him. I started crying. “Whoa, whoa, don’t cry. I’ll get better, I swear!”

He came over and immediately tried to rub my back. I wiped my eyes, shaking my head.

“I’m sorry, you just remind me of someone,” I said, fighting to gain my composure. Romeo said nothing, looking up at me with concerned, big brown eyes. He led me over to what I assumed was his cot and handed me a bottle of water. I held it but didn’t open it. Instead I stared at it like it might have the answers to the aching pain I felt in my chest.

“What was he like?” Romeo asked after a few moments of silence.

“He was kind and funny. And he always thought he could handle anything,” I smiled, remembering Rocco’s easygoing smile and how his eyes lit up when he smiled. “He died about eight years ago. In Boston. He won’t be there this time.”

“He wouldn’t want you to be sad,” Romeo insisted, rubbing my back. “I don’t want you to be sad either, boss.”

I glanced at Romeo and laughed. “I’m not the boss.”

He waved his hand dismissively at me. “They listen to you. Usually.”

“Sometimes.”

It was his turn to laugh. “Fair enough.”

I handed him back the water bottle. “Thank you.”

Romeo shrugged with an easy grin. “No problem. You just come to me any time you feel sad and I’ll make you laugh.” I surprised him with a hug and then returned to Murphy.

Murphy stirred slightly when I climbed back in bed, throwing an arm around me and pulling me close to him. I watched him sleep for a few moments before falling asleep myself.


	25. The Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Change" by Evanescence

I woke up later than usual, feeling that usual heaviness that follows a restless sleep. Murphy and Connor were off somewhere, probably giving Romeo a hard time. This gave me some time to write in my journal a bit. I’ve been neglecting it since reconnecting with the boys. I try to write in it every day, but that just doesn’t happen most of the time. But I’ve always liked the idea of leaving behind a collection of journals for my children someday. So I started writing them when I was in high school.

Yeah, call me cliche. I’ve always wanted the husband and kids deal. That’s probably why I tried making it work with Aidan so long. I was afraid that I wouldn’t find anyone else. It was irrational, obviously, but fear isn’t rational.

I paused from writing, resting the pen against my lips as I thought about what was currently happening once again. Editing all of that out of my journals wasn’t really an option to me. So Declan and Kelly would know the truth some day. I wonder if we’ll be alive when they learn about it or if it’ll be after we’re dead. Hopefully we live through this.

“Ye look like ye swallowed a cactus,” Murphy interrupted my thoughts. I looked up at him, unsure how long he had been watching me stare at the paper or how long I had even been staring at it.

“I was just worrying, as per usual,” I laughed. He frowned, glancing at what I was writing.

“I’m glad ye still write in them. I wasn’t sure how much writing ye still did.” 

I shrugged. “I still write and play music, too. Just not like I used to. Usually it’s just Tyler and I trying to entertain the kids. They’re a lot easier to impress than a room full of rowdy, drunk adults,” I laughed. 

He didn’t say anything else but gestured at the journal to see if he could read it. I nodded, handing it to him. Keeping secrets from him has never been something I’ve enjoyed doing, so I didn’t really want to start doing so now. Communicating through writing has also always been easier for me than communicating face to face with someone.

It felt like an eternity before he said anything. “How long have ye kept these?”

“Since I was in high school,” I answered, standing up to stretch just so I didn’t have to sit there with him staring at me. I glanced behind me and saw that he was still engrossed in my journal. As quietly as I could, I walked away and went to find Connor and Romeo. It didn’t take me very long to find them. Connor was teaching Romeo how to fight a bit better from the looks of it. I watched for a few moments before they realized I was there.

“I thought Murphy was with ye,” Connor noted, wiping some sweat onto a rag he had hanging out of his pocket. Both were shirtless.

“He was, he’s back with our things,” I nodded. Romeo was definitely a lot more winded than Connor.

“Oh come on, I’m not even bein’ that rough with ye. How’re ye gonna keep up like this?”

I bit back a laugh as Romeo scrambled to try and look more put together. Connor likes to come off as loud and abrasive, but he’s really a sweetheart. 

“Or you can give Romeo a break and train me a bit.” Romeo looked pleased by the idea while Connor turned a little pale.

“I donnae think that’s a good idea, lass, Murph’s gonna have me head if I hurt ye.”

“Well, you’re taking it easy on Romeo, so that shouldn’t be very difficult.” He went to protest again, but I got into a boxing stance. Connor quickly realized that he was either going to help me or I was going to punch him anyway.

When I was living in Germany, I dated a boxer for a while. He insisted on teaching me some self defense. I can still hear his voice telling me that “Germany isn’t always safe” while scolding me for missing something fundamental. It wasn’t really a serious relationship for me. He never even met Kelly and Declan. But he wasn’t deterred about teaching me how to box, despite our breakup. He still writes me letters every so often and he’s going to be married in the fall.

Connor clearly had expected me to still be entirely inept at fighting based on how he stumbled, not quite prepared for keeping up with me.

“Where the hell did ye learn te do that?”

“I dated a boxer in Germany for a while,” I admitted. “He insisted that he teach me some self defense. But I actually enjoyed boxing. I’m a little rusty since I just never bothered looking for a gym to train at in Ireland.”

“Ye aren’t that rusty,” he laughed. “Think ye bruised me ego a bit.”

I smiled, bumping my shoulder against his affectionately. He gave me a one armed hug. “I’d better go check on Murphy.”

“Speak of the devil.” 

Murphy was standing there, an eyebrow raised as he looked at us. 

“Yer lass can box,” Connor pointed at me, squeezing my shoulders with a look of pride.

“She’s probably kick Connor’s ass if she really tried,” Romeo grinned. Connor’s arm fell from my shoulders as Romeo handed me a water, which I took gratefully.

“That’s sweet,” I told Romeo with a grin. He started reenacting my brief spar with Connor while the twins had one of their silent conversations.

“Alright, Romeo, stop flirting and let’s get back to sparring. Cec upstaged ye,” Connor interrupted, spinning Romeo and pushing him away from me.

“Ye know how to box?”

I shrugged, looking up slightly at him. “I was really into it when I lived in Germany.”

He nodded, his jaw unusually clenched. I sighed, turning away from the others to return to where our things were. Clearly he read something or other that he didn’t like in my journal. To be honest, I don’t even remember what all is in that one. It’s about halfway through, so there’s some overlap between Germany and Ireland.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, without turning around, knowing he had followed me.

“I just didn’t realize ye did so much in Germany.”

“In what context?”

There was silence.

“Because I didn’t just sit around pining for you the entire time?”

He winced. There it was. I sighed.

“I should have told you, but you never asked. I also never thought that I would see you again. For all I knew, you were dead.”

“I should’ve been there.” I crossed my arms, studying him.

“But you weren’t and, unless you have some kind of time machine, we can’t go into the past and change everything. I don’t expect that you waited around for me.”

“But I did. I haven’t even thought about anyone else but ye.” I felt my face soften. Murphy was always truthful with me. 

“I tried to move on from you, Murphy. I couldn’t, but I tried. After it clearly wasn’t working, I stopped trying. I didn’t want to be with anyone except for you. Even with everything that happened. The longer I was away from you, the less important all of those things seemed to be. But I had no idea where to find you. I didn’t know if you were still alive or if someone had found you and killed you and Connor.” I took a step towards him, my arms falling to my side. “I won’t apologize for trying to figure out how to live a life without you. I had to. But clearly I can’t.”

“I thought that I was doing the right thing by staying away from ye. Especially if ye had moved on.” He left out the part where he had thought that I had moved on with Tyler, focusing on the floor so that he didn’t lose his train of thought. “I never stopped to think that ye struggled that much.”

I grabbed his hands, causing him to look up at me. “I can’t change how you feel about anything that’s happened,” I began carefully. “I made my peace with how things ended between us, even if it’s not how I wanted them to end. But we’ve been given a second chance and I don’t want to spend the entire time rehashing how things were or how they could have been. I just want to be here with you.”

He laced his fingers with mine as I stood on the balls of my feet to kiss him. He pulled me closer to him. Though there was a neediness and an intensity in the way he pulled me into him, his kiss was soft and sweet. 

“I love ye, Cecilia.”

“I love you, too, Murphy.”


	26. As Satellites Go By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "As Satellites Go By" by Lamb

We landed in Boston mid-afternoon. Connor, Murphy, Romeo, and I carried our bags off of the ship and managed to avoid any of the security personnel. Once we were on the streets of the city, I realized that I had gotten used to losing anonymity in the smaller towns in Europe. Everyone always stares at you, trying to figure out if they know you and who you are if they don’t know you. In Boston, nobody cares. Everyone just goes on about their business. It was oddly refreshing. I hadn’t realized that I had missed it.

As Murphy had promised, we went to Rocco’s grave before we even went to the place we’d be staying. Romeo didn’t know Rocco but he didn’t complain about the first stop. 

“Oh no,” I said, looking at Rocco’s photo on the door to his personal vault in the mausoleum. Connor and Murphy followed my gaze before they both started laughing. Rocco’s mugshot was the picture that had ended up there for all of eternity. They had at least tried to erase the man’s hand that had been holding his hair up. Kind of. It was definitely done very badly. 

“That’s his fecking mugshot,” Murphy pointed at it.

“They didn’t even fix it up all nice,” Connor agreed.

I shook my head at it, still in disbelief. The dumbest shit always happened to Rocco. Death didn’t seem to stop that trend. “Jesus, Roc, life just always did you dirty,” I said as I laughed a bit. Murphy slid his arm around my waist. I reached out and ran my fingers down Rocco’s portrait. I’d look into getting it changed...but this might be the most Rocco picture they could’ve picked.

“Just like old times,” I noted as we opened the door to an illegal immigrant loft in South Boston. The twins shot me pleased grins before going in and inspecting everything. There were two mattresses, a kitchen area, and a toilet. It really was just like old times. “Well, Romeo, you’re the lucky winner that gets to go shopping with me.”

“We’re off the hook!” Connor said gleefully, flopping down on a bed while Murphy rolled his eyes at him.

“I mean, I’d rather force the two of you to carry random stuff again,” I corrected, “but you might be recognized.”

The twins looked at each other and shrugged. “We’ve never been recognized before,” Murphy said.

“I recognized you!” Romeo interrupted indignantly.

“Yer a special case,” Connor waved him away. “I think we can handle a furniture store.”

I raised my eyebrows, unsure if he remembered how this went the last time I made them go shopping with me. Murphy, however, seemed to know better.

“Within reason,” he pleaded.

“No, Connor assures me you can handle it. So I’m putting all three of you to use.” I threw Connor’s boots at his feet. “We’ll leave in five minutes.”

Connor began grumbling in Russian, causing Murphy to grumble back at him.

“Do they do that a lot?” Romeo asked. I looked over at the twins, who were still bickering in Russian.

“Yes, they do. You’ll get used to it.”

At the store, Romeo and I were mostly the ones looking at things and deciding if the prices were fair or not. The twins were making sure nobody had followed us or recognized them. They probably thought that they looked inconspicuous and cool, but they just looked like they were trying to figure out how to shoplift a large item of furniture.

“Maybe we should get this delivered,” I murmured as I looked at the list I had checked off for the workers to pull from the back.

“No, we can handle it!” Connor said loudly, grabbing the list from my hand. “Aye, maybe not.”

“There’s no way we can carry that,” Murphy agreed with me. Connor looked at him, clearly offended.

“We can so!”

“Guys, they can deliver--”

“Not now, Cec,” Connor waved me off while staring Murphy down. I raised my eyebrows, crossing my arms. Murphy held up his hands in defense.

“They’ve delivered stuff to the building before,” Murphy tried to reason.

“We can do it. Or have ye gotten soft?”

“I’m not soft,” Murphy replied indignantly. “Yer soft!”

“I’m not soft, I’ll carry anything without any help!”

I rubbed my forehead as Romeo got more and more excited with Connor’s enthusiasm. “Fine, we’re carrying it all,” I interrupted. Romeo punched the air with both fists.

“Fuck yeah we are!”

Murphy immediately realized his mistake while Connor looked pleased. I handed the list to one of the sales associates nearby, insisting that we didn’t need the free delivery. We’d be capable of transporting it ourselves. She looked surprised but went to go get the stuff pulled from the back.

“Glad ye decided to have some faith in us, lass. If this is how we die, this is how we die.” 

I shot him a look before walking up to the register to pay. Just as the transaction finished, a few associates from the back wheeled out several boxes for us.

“We can do this, right?” Murphy questioned Connor and Romeo.

“O’ course we can fuckin’ do it,” Connor scoffed at him, slapping him on the chest. Murphy stared at Connor before returning the favor. The sales associate looked at me, clearly deciding whether or not this was an issue or just a normal occurrence. I shook my head.

“They’re twins. This is normal,” I assured him. I walked up to the twins, placing one hand on each of their backs. “Now boys, when trying to blend in, what do we not do?”

“He started it,” Murphy tried to slap Connor over my head and was successful due to being taller than me. 

I shook my head. “Come on, you can finish your spat at home.”

The twins took the heaviest items while Romeo took the largest. That left me with the lightest items: a bag of random essentials and a mirror.

“We could have had this all delivered for you,” the sales associate said, trying to be helpful. Connor looked back with a glare.

“If we die, we die,” he echoed his earlier statement before rushing through the door as fast as he could. Murphy grumbled something to himself before following while Romeo waited for me.

“I appreciate your help,” I assured the associate. We were definitely going to be a breakroom story for quite a while based on the twins’ antics. Romeo held the door open for me on the way out, despite the fact that he was struggling so much. When I started to protest, he shook his head and just nodded for me to just get out of the way and let him have his moment of chivalry. 

Connor and Murphy had only gotten to the end of the block once we were on the sidewalk. “It’s gonna be a long walk home,” I noted. 

Romeo nodded, “Probably. Maybe it’ll tire them out though.”

“We can hope,” I smiled at him. He grinned, falling into step beside me.

The boys held up traffic a few times while we were crossing some crosswalks, but we did eventually get back home. And they did manage to drag everything upstairs.

“I admit it, you guys are more capable than I thought,” I smiled as they collapsed onto the largest box once we were inside.

“Yer damn right we are,” Murphy huffed, attempted to point at me and then gave up, fighting to catch his breath.

“Now we have to put it all together.”

Connor sat up straight.

“What? Can’t that be tomorrow?” He whined, already knowing what my answer would be.

“Oh no, some of this stuff needs to be up immediately for this place to be usable.”

“But--”

“No ‘buts,’” I shook my head, a grin on my face. “I’ll reward you all with pizza and whiskey.” The twins perked up, looked at each other, and nodded. I put down the things that I was holding and turned to leave again.

“Wait just a minute, where are ye going?” Connor demanded.

“Well the liquor stores will close soon,” I reasoned, still grinning. Murphy immediately saw an opportunity.

“I’ll go with ye!”

He was up and guiding me out the door before Connor or Romeo had a chance to object. Murphy shut the door firmly behind us and glanced down at me with a grin while I started laughing.


	27. Give Me Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Give Me Something" by Seafret

Murphy and I took our time at the liquor store as well as the pizzeria. When we returned, Romeo and Connor hadn’t accomplished very much. They were bickering with each other in Spanish when we opened the door.

I glanced at Murphy, who just looked amused, before realizing what they were arguing about. They had managed to put the main part of the table on upside down so that the finished part of the wood was underneath. I didn’t know whether I was more confused or impressed that they had managed that. I put the pizza boxes I was carrying on the table as dramatically as I could, causing them to stop.

“Well this is just no good. Now it’s ruined and we’ll have to go get a new one,” I sighed, doing my best to keep my voice humorless. “We’ll just have to carry it home, too, because there’s no way they’ll let us get delivery if they think we’ve managed by ourselves already.” Then, just for dramatics, I pretended to cry.

“Now look what ye made her do, ye twats,” Murphy snapped, rubbing my back comfortingly. 

“We can fix it, Cecilia, I swear!” Romeo insisted.

“ _ We?! _ Ye’re the one who did it,” Connor snapped. “And ye made Cec cry.”

“I just,” I sniffed, rubbing my eyes, before I couldn’t pretend any more and started laughing. “How in the fuck did you guys manage this?”

Connor and Romeo looked dumbstruck while Murphy began cackling in delight. He was always delighted by someone else taking the piss out of Connor since he got to enjoy watching it rather than having to do it himself.

I picked up the pizzas, handing them to Romeo. “Put these on the counter. Murphy, give me a hand. And Connor, try not to touch anything else, yeah?”

Romeo and Connor watched as Murphy and I managed to fix the table in a few minutes.

“Well, we did the hard part,” Romeo crossed his arms as Murphy and I flipped it right side up again. I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, we did, didn’ we?” Connor agreed. “We even put the holes in!”

“It didn’t need extra holes, ye eejit,” Murphy rolled his eyes.

“Pizza and whiskey,” I interrupted, cutting their argument short, and walking over to the counter. “The holes are fixable, but it doesn’t matt--”

Before I was able to fully open the box, I heard the familiar sound of duct tape being pulled off of a roll and slapped very vigorously onto a flat surface. Romeo stood there proudly, pointing at his handy work. I stared for a few seconds before nodding my approval.

“I’ll accept that as a solution.”

It was late into the night before we all went to bed. Murphy and I managed to get Connor and Romeo to stay on task and complete putting together one thing before another (and prevented things from being put together backwards as a result). And we were all dead tired.

Connor threw a sheet onto his mattress, which was next to the one I shared with Murphy, and decided that was good enough before immediately falling asleep. Romeo was asleep on another mattress on the other side of Connor without any kind of blankets. I made sure to put some folded up ones for him next to him just in case he got cold in the middle of the night. Murphy, meanwhile, actually made our bed. Even if I hadn’t been here, he probably would have put sheets on his mattress anyway. He’s always been a bit more put together than Connor on things like that. But Connor would deny that vehemently and insist that he’s put together while getting himself into trouble.

I changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top before joining Murphy on our mattress. It isn’t the best mattress but it is miles better than the cot bed I’ve been using at the dig site (and loads better than the cot that was on the ship). I cuddled up to Murphy’s side as he put an arm around me, smoking a cigarette with his free hand. It was wonderfully silent. There weren’t the unavoidable atmospheric sounds of the boat, grown men arguing over something or other, or the sound of wildlife at night. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to just sit in silence like this.

“Yer quiet,” Murphy noted, playing with my hair. I moved slightly so that I could look at him. He was studying me thoughtfully. He’s always been able to see right through me.

“I don’t remember the last time I was anywhere this quiet,” I admitted before laying my head back down on his chest. He snuffed out his cigarette and pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head before placing his cheek against my forehead. 

“So ye dated a boxer, aye?”

I sighed, pulling away and fixing him with a stern look. He held up a hand defensively.

“It’s only a question, love.”

After a moment of hesitation, I laid back down on him, trying to choose my words carefully. He was genuinely curious now but there’s a fine line between curiosity and anger with Murphy sometimes. “His name is Klaus, we’ve been friends for longer than we dated. It just didn’t really work out.”

He was silent, stroking my back. “Why didn’t it?”

“He wasn’t you,” I answered honestly.

He snorted in disbelief.

“I’m serious. He wanted more out of us than I did. All I’ve wanted since I left America is you.”

More silence. Then he moved, propping himself up to look at me. “I am sorry, Cecilia.” He reached out, stroking my cheek. “I didn’t think I would ever see ye again.” Murphy swallowed, looking away as he tried not to cry. I reached out to cradle his face, kissing him as tenderly as I could. I didn’t want him to hurt like that any more. He pulled me closer, his hands wandering all over me as if to check that I was actually here and that I wasn’t going to just disappear. I didn’t want to disappear again either.


	28. I'm Good, I'm Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm Good, I'm Gone" by Lykke Li

We spent the next few days adjusting to the time zone and took the time to check in with Noah, mom, Tyler, Declan, and Kelly. The kids were driving Noah insane (mostly Kelly who  _ still _ keeps trying to bring Erik everywhere with her). But he sounds like he’s enjoying them more than my mom being around. Tyler said she kept trying to pick fights with Noah in the usual way that she picks fights with everyone. After the phone call, Murphy and Connor informed me that she had apparently tried rearranging his house into a more useful state and, when told no, did so anyway. Noah’s been slowly moving everything back into place so that she won’t notice it all at once. Usually she notices and moves it back but he’s making some small progress and taking delight in annoying her back. It was funny for me to think of Noah wasting time on something that childish and petty.

Today, however, we’re apparently going gun and other mob killing necessity shopping. An illegal shop, of course, and Irish ran. It’s the same place they initially bought everything apparently and then continued to buy whatever they needed there. I didn’t really know what kind of money the boys had but I kind of doubted it was enough for any illicit gun buying activities. 

(And, no, I have absolutely no idea what exactly is involved in today’s activity. I’ve always been pretty straight and narrow when it comes to the law. Just minor infractions but nothing to actually be arrested for or anything. Mom would have killed me.)

The shop was within walking distance and it didn’t take long to get there from the apartment. That was probably intentional knowing the boys. 

“This is it,” Connor announced, pointing to a door with a small Irish flag on it. He opened it, holding the door behind him so that one of us could go in after him. Romeo went next while Murphy held the door open so I could go next, his arm stretched out above my head.

There was a man sitting at a desk reading a newspaper. It definitely didn’t look like a gun shop.Just before I could voice my doubts, the man noticed us and jumped up with a grin.

“Yer back!” he greeted Connor and Murphy before looking over Romeo and I. “And ye’ve brought friends I see.”

“We came to peruse the goods,” Connor grinned, looking delighted at being remembered. 

Romeo leaned over to whisper in my ear: “Do all Irish men talk this way?”

I smiled, trying not to laugh, while nodding slightly. The boys didn’t notice, too engrossed with the man behind the desk. After a few minutes of catching up, he came over and pressed a code into a keypad on the wall. The door next to it unlocked, revealing a set of stairs once it was open. Romeo and I led the way while the man who owned the shop brought up the rear.

“Anything ye see is on the house. You boys do good work,” he said before disappearing back upstairs.

“You’ve still got fans,” I teased while the men began inspecting everything. I didn’t touch anything as I looked around. Romeo managed to find a pair of revolvers with the Mexican flag on the butt of them. The boys found more practical things: knives, pistols and silencers, and a rope.

“Ye ever shot a gun before, lass?” Connor asked, startling me. I raised my eyebrows at him before glancing at Murphy. Did neither of them know? After a few seconds of silence, I realized that they didn’t. Smecker must have taken credit. “I know ye said ye know how to shoot one--”

“I shot Aidan,” I replied as evenly as I could, pushing the image of Aidan out of my mind. It’s hard not to think of him like that when I remember things that have happened with him. But I can’t help but picture him that way. One eye wide with shock. The other a gaping hole with blood coming out of it. I turned away from them, pretending to look at the knives. It was now uncomfortably quiet in the room.

“I’m going to uh,” Romeo said, trying to come up with an excuse, before he just went out of the room entirely and up the stairs.

“Smecker said he did it,” Murphy spoke finally.

“I’m pretty sure he lied so I wouldn’t be involved at all.”

“Explains why that room was torched,” Connor admitted. “Why didnae ye tell us?”

“I didn’t think about it for a while after it happened,” I admitted, picking up a knife and appraising the blade. It looked like it was folded and flash frozen to retain how sharp it is. I put the sheath back on it, deciding that I’d take that as a weapon for me.

“It’s not the same,” Murphy said from beside me. He meant that me killing Aidan wasn’t the same as it had been when they killed the Russians in self defense or went after the mob bosses.

“No, it’s not,” I nodded. “It’s different.”

I noticed a small selection of lockpick and decoder tools. Some were old fashioned, some electronic. I handed Murphy an old fashioned one and an electronic one. He looked confused. I rolled my eyes.

“Not everything requires a gun.”

“No but ye do need a gun.”

“I don’t actually know much about guns.” I know plenty about knives and lock picking. They’re somewhat useful skills around the dig site.

“What about this one?” Connor asked, holding up a smaller, more compact looking gun.

“Glock 17. Yeah, that looks right,” Murphy nodded. Connor handed it to me so I could hold it. It was the same size as the ones the boys picked out, but it was much lighter. Murphy pointed to a clock on the wall, holding his hands up so that his thumbs and index fingers were touching to make a triangle. “Close your left eye and tell me if that’s in the center of the triangle.” 

I looked at him like he was crazy but complied. I shook my head ‘no.’

“Alright, ye right eye then.”

“Yes.”

“Good, ye dominant eye is the same as yer dominant hand.” Murphy handed me the gun, stepping behind me. He guided my arms up so that I was pointing at a target. “Keep ye finger off of the trigger unless ye intend to pull it.” He straightened my elbows. “There’s recoil, so make sure ye keep ye stance firm. Since ye haven’t shot much, ye should close your right eye to line up a shot. Ye can learn to shoot with ye eyes open but I dunnae if we’ll have the time to teach that.”

I nodded as he removed his hands from my arms.

“We’ll show ye how to clean it and general safety stuff when we’re home.” Then, to Connor, “ye see a suppressor around for it?”

“Already grabbed one,” Connor replied, holding it up. Murphy nodded. The boys grabbed a few different holsters before putting the guns, knives, ammo, and rope into the duffle bags on the table. They slung the bags over their shoulders as we left the basement. Romeo was upstairs talking to the guy behind the desk, evidently saying something hilarious.

“Ye watch ye’selves out there,” the man said, waving as we left. Romeo and Connor were arguing about something or other while Murphy and I walked behind them.

“Ye still don’t have to do this if ye don’t want to,” Murphy said quietly. I looked over at him, shaking my head slightly.

“No, Kelly and Declan are involved so I’m involved. I want this to be over so I don’t spend my life looking over my shoulder for them,” I said firmly. “I’ll deal with whatever happens. I’m not leaving.”

He studied me for a few moments before looking away, falling back into his own thoughts.


	29. Set The World On Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Set The World On Fire" by Black Veil Brides

I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner that night after we came home and put the weapons away. The boys and Romeo avoided mentioning anything else about them for the night, which I was thankful for. I just wanted to go to sleep so I could stop picturing Aidan.

I rubbed my eyes, shutting the image away. Murphy glanced over from the tv, rubbing my shoulder with his thumb and pulling me a bit closer to him. He’s looking at me like I’m going to fall apart again. And I hate it just as much now as I did back then.

“I’ve got a headache, I’m just going to go lay down,” I lied. I got up before any of them could say anything and went behind the folding screen to change. Connor and Murphy began murmuring to each other in Russian while Romeo continued watching the TV. I laid down on the mattress, facing the wall, and stared at it until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I was alone and the apartment was silent. The beds beside me were empty. The back of my neck tensed as I ground my teeth together in anger, checking the gun stash. There were some missing. Those fuckfaced bastards.

I had no idea where they were, but I was going to find them.

Without much rhyme or reason, I pulled on random clothes of mine and grabbed the manual lock pick and the knife I picked out, hiding the knife underneath my jeans and strapped to the side of my calf. I pulled on my leather jacket and walked out the door, shoving my keys into my pocket with a scowl. They’ve probably been gone awhile. That thought just made me more angry.

As I walked down the street in my haze of rage, I ran right into someone. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” I apologized, pulling my hair out of my face. I froze, my rage replaced with shock. Klaus was standing there. Tall, blond, muscular, and with some of the lightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. He stood like he was military (which he was, formerly, but he was currently a police officer).

“You look like you’re going to kill someone,” Klaus observed, looking me over, his German accent heavy. I stood there, dumbstruck.

“What? You’re supposed to be in Germany,” I stepped back from him. He rolled his eyes.

“Tyler told me you went off adventuring. I figured you’d come back to Boston for something. Or someone.”

“Are you investigating me?” I frowned. He held up his hands in defense.

“I was worried! Honestly,” he added when I didn’t relax. “Besides, I have no jurisdiction here. I’m a police officer in Germany.”

“Sorry, I’m just mad. And now surprised and confused.” I threw my hands up in exasperation as I looked around.

“You’re looking for someone?”

“Yes, and I have no fucking idea where they are.”

“Where do you think they would have gone?”

I stopped, looked at Klaus, and tried to decide how much I trusted him.

“Have I given you a reason to ever distrust me?”

“No, but it’s probably better if you aren’t involved.”

“Because?”

“Legality and logistics.”

“You’re looking for drugs?”

“What? No--do you think I do drugs now?”

“I don’t know what you do now, you don’t reply to me often.”

“Sorry, you’re right.” I bit my bottom lip as I tried to think of where exactly they could’ve gone.

_ “They’re at the docks, big cocaine motherfuckers down there,” _ I heard Rocco say. I looked around, but saw nothing. Just Klaus.  _ “Come on, Cec, you can’t see me. I’m dead. Just think of me as your guardian angel.” _

Oh my god, maybe I am on drugs. Did they drug me so that they could sneak out?

_ “Jesus fucking Christ, Cecilia, the boys would never hurt one hair on your pretty little head. You’re paranoid now.” _

I looked down the street. Rocco was standing there in his long dark coat and sunglasses, looking entirely put out that I wasn’t believing him. My mouth fell open as I stared. “Klaus, do you see anyone there?”

“Some guy with dirty hair and sunglasses. Is that who you’re looking for?” I said nothing, looking at Klaus to be sure he wasn’t joking. “Oh, he’s walking away.”

_ “Follow me, Cec.” _

“I need to follow him. It’s crazy and I’ll maybe explain later, just come with me and make sure I’m not entirely crazy.”

I didn’t give him a chance to say anything before I took off running after Rocco. When I started to catch up, Rocco started running. I followed him to a part of town I had never been in before. And then he was gone. Klaus caught up to me, a bit winded, and looked at the building before us.

“I don’t think you want to be here, Cecilia,” Klaus said delicately. “This looks like the headquarters for a drug ring.”

“They look like this in Germany, too?”

“They look pretty much the same everywhere--is this what you’re looking for?”

“See you later, Klaus,” I dismissed him as I began looking around the building for an entrance. I spotted one a little higher up. A fire escape. But I couldn’t quite reach the ladder. “Fuck,” I muttered to myself. I turned on my heel, running into Klaus.

“I can boost you,” he said, motioning to the ladder. I stared at him. “Whatever you’re doing, I’m not letting you do it alone. You’ll get yourself killed.”

We heard gunshots as Klaus lifted me up to the ladder. I scrambled up and kicked it down for him when I got to the top. He came up after me as I started picking the lock open on the door. It was open in a few seconds. This didn’t surprise him. He’s the one that taught me how to pick locks.

He reached into the inside of his jacket, drawing his own gun. Of course he’s armed. He’s pretty much always armed. The hallway here was clear. I began heading towards the gunfire and the shouting. The door at the end of the hallway opened as a man ran out of it. Out of reflex, Klaus and I both hit him. Klaus hit him on the side of the head with the butt of the gun while I punched him on the other side. He went down easily. The room he was running from was a control room of some kind. We were in a warehouse and the boys and Romeo were down there creating general chaos.

“What the fuck,” Klaus whispered as I started studying the panel. It controls the giant magnet on the ceiling. I used the lever to position it over a cargo container, hitting buttons until it lowered and latched on and then raised again. Before I was able to use it like a battering ram on a ledge some of the thugs were on, I heard someone tackle Klaus. It was the guy we had thought we had knocked out.

Klaus was trying to get the upper hand but had lost his gun. I grabbed it, checked the safety, and kicked the other man off of Klaus as hard as I could before shooting him in the chest. He slid down the wall in surprise before slumping over. I clicked the safety back on and handed the gun to Klaus. He said nothing, putting a bar into the door so that it couldn’t be opened again while I went back to the controls.

As soon as the container smashed into the ledge, cocaine spilled out of it everywhere, most of the men falling down into it. Connor, Murphy, and Romeo looked up at the control panel in surprise before finishing off the men. I unbarred the door and went with Klaus to the ground floor.

“Cecilia,” Murphy began, knowing full well I was beyond angry. Connor hit him in the chest, drawing attention to Klaus with his gaze. Klaus stood behind me, ready to jump in if necessary. 

“I’m with them, they’re fine,” I told Klaus. He glanced down at me, his light blue eyes distrustful but he relaxed a bit, putting his gun back in his holster.

“Ye normally hang out with cops?” Connor observed.

“About as much as she hangs out with criminals apparently,” Klaus replied evenly. 

“Later, we should leave now,” Romeo interrupted.

Klaus nodded. “Best idea I’ve heard since I got into this country. I wiped the things down that we’ve touched. Blood?”

“Clean,” the twins replied in unison. Murphy looked fit to kill while Connor looked wary of the entire situation.

We walked back to the apartment in silence. The boys led the way while Romeo walked with Klaus and I. He kept looking from the twins to us and back again until I gave him a look that plainly told him to stop it.

“This is where you’re staying? Tyler and Gabriella did not mention this,” Klaus looked around with disdain.

“Shut up,” I grumbled, unlocking the door while most of the men were involved in a testosterone fueled staring contest. 

Once we were inside, Murphy exploded with rage, his nostrils flaring. “What the fuck is he doing here?”

“I came looking for Cecilia. It sounded like she could use some looking after,” Klaus replied.

“I wasn’t fucking talking to ye.”

“I don’t care.”

I rubbed my temples, going over to where the liquor was and poured shots for everyone.

“Do ye think that’s such a good idea right now, lass?” Connor asked quietly as I did so.

“It was either this or leaving you and Romeo to deal with whatever the fuck is currently happening,” I snapped before taking a shot and immediately pouring myself another one. I slammed them onto the table in front of the boys. “Drink.” They all complied, Murphy and Klaus reluctantly. “Klaus is here because he was worried that I abandoned our kids in Ireland and Tyler obviously couldn’t tell him  _ why _ . I wouldn’t have run into him at all if you fuckfaces wouldn’t have fucking left me behind in the first place.”

“I’m just trying to make sure she’s safe,” Klaus insisted when Murphy glared at him again.

“Klaus is getting married this year anyway.”

“Was.”

“What?”

“Didn’t work out. I wanted advice from you but you never wrote me back. And then Tyler said you were missing.”

“And you came looking for me to make sure I was fine.”

“Because it’s very unlike you. You’re very structured and by the book. But apparently in America you break up drug rings, kill criminals, and assist the Boondock Saints. It seems I don’t know you as well as I thought.”

I winced a bit in guilt.

“How did ye know who we are?” Connor asked quietly, taking a drag on his cigarette. Even he looked exhausted by the tension in the room.

“I was graduating from university around the same time you executed that Yakavetta boss. We had a very heated discussion on your actions in class the day after.”

“Most people still don’t recognize us.”

“I recognized him,” Klaus motioned to Murphy. “Declan looks like you. I put two and two together. It wasn’t very difficult.”

Murphy looked at me crossly, probably thinking that Klaus  _ had _ met the twins and been involved in their lives. “He wasn’t. I don’t think the twins could name him if I asked them to.”

“What? No, you were always careful about that. I also don’t want children so it was fine for me.”

“That’s why it didn’t work out?” I asked, referring to his engagement.

“She wanted kids. They’re just work. And you’re almost guaranteed to fuck them up somehow, no matter how much you love them.” I raised my eyebrows. “Not that Kelly and Declan will be fucked up like that. You and Tyler seem good with them. Your mother is a nightmare though.”

Murphy snorted. “That’s the first thing ye’ve said that I agree with.”

I poured more shots. Klaus covered his glass with his hand, his nose scrunched. “It’s whiskey.”

“Sorry, you’re surrounded by mostly whiskey drinkers,” I smiled. “I don’t have brandy. Romeo might share his tequila.”

“I’m fine without it, thanks.”

“I’m gonna go have a smoke,” Murphy grumbled, sulking away. Klaus moved with him.

“I’ll go with you. We should probably talk.”

“No, we shouldn’t.”

“We should.” Klaus followed Murphy anyway, closing the door behind him. We heard them go down the stairs in silence.

“They’ll be fine,” Romeo said. “Right?”

“Probably,” Connor said, downing another shot. He glanced at me. “Ye really had no idea?”

“None, I would have definitely told him not to come. I’m okay implicating myself in your mess, not Klaus. He’s a good cop.”

“Doesn’t seem to be that straight and narrow to me, lass.”

I said nothing, biting my bottom lip and staring at the door, wondering if the two hot-heads were about to have a sensible conversation or not. I needed another drink.


	30. Zu dir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Zu dir" by LEA

**KLAUS'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

I followed Murphy outside even though he clearly didn’t want me to go with him. He lit a cigarette, realized that I didn’t have one, and tried to offer one to me.

“I don’t smoke,” I shook my head. He studied me for a few seconds before scowling and taking a drag. He’s very surly. Not at all what I expected Cee’s ex-boyfriend to be like. Seeing them together, though, that word doesn’t make much sense. It feels like it’s not enough of a word to describe their connection to one another. She never speaks about him very much. I had always thought it was to protect my feelings for some reason. Now I know it was to protect hers.

“Why are ye here?”

“I wasn’t lying.”

“It don’t make sense.”

“Cecilia is very dear to me, I want to be sure she’s okay. She hates this city. I didn’t know why she’d return.” Murphy said nothing, looking at me to show he was listening. “She was very broken when I met her. She’s still broken but less so now.” I paused and looked at the sky, thinking how much nicer it looked back in Germany.

“Did she tell ye about me?”

“Not much. It was hard for her to talk about it very much. It was mostly in passing. Usually when one of the twins did something ridiculous that reminded her of you or your brother.” I turned to look at him. “I thought it was so she didn’t insult me or hurt my feelings but it was for her. I didn’t know that until tonight.”

“She told me about ye.”

I shrugged, rotating my shoulder as it began to stiffen from being knocked to the floor a few hours ago. “Of course she would. I’m not as important to her. It doesn’t hurt her.”

“It hurts ye.”

“That’s irrelevant,” I shook my head. “Cecilia loves you. It’s always going to be you for her. I know that. She knows that. Do you know it?”

He didn’t answer.

I scoffed. “You don’t even know what you have.” Typical Irish.

“I know wh--”

“Shut up, no you don’t. I’m the only one who will probably ever tell you this so stop being so fucking hard-headed and listen. Don’t push her away and don’t keep her out of things. I don’t care if you  _ think _ you’re protecting her. It’s going to hurt her instead of protect her. She might follow some other crazy guy to some random drug warehouse and you won’t be there and she’ll end up dead.” 

He opened his mouth, confused, to protest.

I held up my hand. “I’m not finished. There will never be anyone else for that woman as long as she’s alive. She’s all in with you. So do her the courtesy of treating her the same way, okay? Okay. Enjoy your cigarette. I’m going to go say goodbye and then I’m going to go to my hotel room.” I got up and noticed more grime on the wall. “I would never stay here for anyone.”

I went upstairs and let myself back in. Connor must have been showering because Cee was on the couch chewing on her nail. She doesn’t bite them, just sometimes chews on them when she’s stressed. I think it stops her from smoking again. Getting her to quit was terrible. I’m surprised she hasn’t picked it up again with how much the Irishmen smoke. 

“Cee, I’ll be going back to my hotel for the night,” I caught her attention. She looked up in surprise, her brown eyes wide. Her red hair was down now, a mess of unruly curls.

“You have someplace to stay?” She questioned, making sure I wasn’t lying. I nodded.

“Yes, I booked a place on the other side of town. I’ll be around for two weeks. I wasn’t sure how long I should stay.” I thought about it a second. “I might leave tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you stick around and enjoy Boston? It’s not all bad.”

“No, it’s not. I just don’t want to make any trouble.”

Cecilia smiled, shaking her head. “You’re never any trouble, Niklaus.” She only used my full name when she was serious. I nodded.

“Alright, I’ll stick around. Do you have paper? I’ll give you my number if you need anything.” I gave her a stern look. “And I mean anything. I don’t care what it is or how delicate it might be.” She handed me a pencil and a pad of paper.

“Klaus, I can’t--”

“You aren’t asking. I’m offering.” I wrote down the hotel’s number and my cell phone number. I stopped, looking at her face. She was worried. I smiled softly and kissed her forehead. “Goodnight, Cecilia.”

“Goodnight, Klaus,” she followed me to the door, standing in the doorway as I walked out of it. “And thank you.”

Murphy was walking back up the stairs as she said that. He nodded to me so I nodded back. I watched him go to her. How her face softened and her body relaxed as he touched her. They have a connection that most people will never have in their lives. I hope that they know how lucky they are for that.


	31. We Found Each Other in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We Found Each Other in the Dark" by City and Colour

“Well, you’re both still alive,” I joked, smiling slightly at Murphy when he closed the door behind us. Romeo looked over from where he was reading on his bed. Murphy didn’t reply but leaned down to kiss me before going into the shower area to talk to Connor. “That was weird,” I muttered to myself before sighing and going over to the sink to clean up the glasses. 

“C’mon, Romeo, let me show ye around Boston at night a little bit. I know a great bar a few blocks away,” Connor announced, practically dragging poor Romeo out of the apartment with him. I watched them leave as I dried off my hands on one of the dish towels. Murphy came over and leaned against the table, a lit cigarette dangling between his fingers. He was looking down at the floor.

“Klaus loves ye a lot,” Murphy broke the silence.

“I know,” I said, leaning against the counter to face him. He was trying to articulate his feelings. I waited patiently, watching him curiously. What had Klaus said to him? Whatever it was, it must have struck some kind of chord within Murph.

After what seemed like hours, he looked up at me. “I should’ve told ye about tonight.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.” I sighed. “I probably should’ve mentioned Klaus was a cop. I never thought you’d meet him, honestly.”

“He didn’t seem to either.”

“Probably because I’ve been bad about writing him back when he writes me. And I don’t remember the last time I returned one of his calls. It seemed disrespectful to his fiancée.” Knowing that they’re no longer together enforced that belief for me. Klaus needs someone to call him on his own bullshit. That can’t be me.

“I think he knows that.” He put out his cigarette angrily. “I don’t want to fight with ye about this. This is stupid.”

I smiled, trying not to laugh. “I don’t want to fight about it either, Murphy. Klaus isn’t anywhere near a threat to you or us or anything.”

“I know.” That surprised me.

“What did Klaus say to you?”

“That’s between lads, lass,” he grinned. I rolled my eyes at him as he pulled me into a hug. I let my body relax against his, my arms going around his waist. He pulled back slightly to kiss me softly before deepening the kiss, navigating me to our mattress, as he began lifting my shirt over my head.

We were laying on the mattress (clothed in case Connor and Romeo came back) when Murphy turned to me, looking serious. “I do have one question for ye, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Klaus mentioned that ye followed some crazy guy to the warehouse.”

I bit back a smile. “You’ll think I’m crazy.”

“Ye are but I’m fine with that.”

I was quiet for a few seconds. Rocco had looked so real, so alive. “We saw Rocco.” Murphy furrowed his brows. “I couldn’t find you and I was freaking out about it. Trying to figure out where to go and how to get Klaus to leave and I just saw him. He looked just like I remember him. Alive, disheveled, and so excited to take down some ‘big cocaine motherfuckers.’” I laughed at the quote in retrospect. Fuck I miss him. “He said he was my guardian angel now.”

“That sounds like Rocco,” Murphy murmured, kissing the top of my head. “Do ye see him often?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I’ve been to therapy. I’ve tried medication--”

“That’s not what I mean,” he chuckled a bit. “I didn’t mean it literally. I just meant in little things. Like things that make ye think of him often.”

“Oh, well yeah,” I admitted. “But isn’t that just something everyone does?”

He shrugged. “Seems to be how God works to me.”

I studied him. “Can’t take the Catholic out of the Irish, huh?”

“I’m serious, Cecilia. I think ye’d hear a little bit more if ye just listened.”

There wasn’t a reply that I had for that so I said nothing at first. “God helps you that much? Even after, well, everything?”

“God has plans,” Murphy nodded. “They might not make sense right away but ye end up where ye are supposed to be.”

“My dad used to tell me something like that when I was younger.” He was one of those guys who always had a phrase for everything. But he never said it condescendingly. I miss him, too. Now that I think of it, I guess that I stopped believing in God when he died. Mom did, too. She’s tried to hold on to her belief, but I know his death hit her hard. She changed after that. Now she worries about everything and tries to control everything. As much as it drove me away as a teenager and a young adult, I know now that she was just trying to hold on to what she has left.

“What are ye thinking about?”

“My mom and my dad. How much Mom changed after he died.”

“How did he die?”

“I don’t actually know. Mom’s never told me much. It’s a pretty touchy subject with her. He was visiting Boston when he died. Mom and I had to travel to ID him. I didn’t go in, obviously, I was too young. But I remember how it sounded when she cried after seeing him. She never really cried much after that. It’s like she died with him.”

“That must have been hard.”

“It was. We stopped going to Church around then. Mom tries now but I just never returned to it. I didn’t trust it after that. It wasn’t a system I wanted to believe in if someone as good as my Dad could be taken away like that without warning.” 

He stroked my hair.

“I guess that’s part of how I ended up in Boston in the first place,” I admitted. “I met Aidan while he was on spring break when I was a senior in high school. Then I followed him up here when it was time for me to go to college. I was miserable,” I laughed. “Then I met you and Connor and everything just changed overnight.”

I looked up to see Murphy looking at me with his eyebrows raised as if I had just proved some point for him.

“What are you looking so smug about?”

“Nothing, it just sounds like ye ended up here for a purpose.”

I whacked him with my pillow for being a smart ass, causing him to laugh before tickling me in response. 

The door opened as Connor came in covering his eyes. “Are ye wearing clothes?” 

“We’re decent, Connor,” I answered before Murphy could tell him no. Connor spread his fingers to check with one eye before being satisfied and motioning Romeo in. Romeo came in, plugging his ears with his fingers.

“What’s he doin?” Murphy asked Connor who threw his hands up in exasperation.

“I told him to cover his eyes.” Romeo realized we were all staring at him and grinned before nodding exaggeratedly to show that he couldn’t hear us.

“God help us,” Connor mumbled, throwing himself backwards onto his mattress. Romeo followed Connor’s example but didn’t remove his fingers from his ears.

“‘Night guys!” Romeo said a bit louder than normal. Connor snorted and threw his shoes haphazardly across the room.

“I’m gonna feckin’ trip on those in the morning,” Murphy grumbled.

“Probably,” Connor replied, humor in his voice. I shook my head before laying back down on the mattress. What a weird little family we make.


	32. Faded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Faded" by Alan Walker

It’s been about a week since the warehouse incident. Surprisingly, it never made the news. It was like it had just never happened but I couldn’t figure out why. I know it made me uneasy. Maybe it just meant that they thought it was random--or the copycat that was murdering priests and random people instead of criminals to frame the boys. Or they had evidence and they were hunting us.

I was leaving a grocery store, wishing I hadn’t stopped smoking, when a tall woman with natural light red hair came up and pulled me into a hug. 

“Oh Cecilia, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. Let’s walk together,” she smiled, her voice laced with a Southern accent. I was too shocked to prevent her from grabbing one of my bags and linking her arm with my now free arm.

I smiled nervously. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“How silly you are. Paul Smecker wasn’t lying when he said you were hilarious,” she laughed. She’s FBI, I realized. I tried to keep my composure as we walked along. “Now, I don’t want you to panic. I’m a friend of yours. My mentor really admired your boys but it seems like someone’s following you.”

“Other than you?”

“Other than me.” She glanced down at my bags. She leaned close, whispering in my ear. “Lets go to my hotel. I’ve got a fridge. You call your boys and we’ll set up a meeting at that bar that they like.”

“That sounds lovely,” I paused, raising my eyebrows for her name.

“Eunice.” I nodded, doing my best to look like we were old friends. Eventually she stopped holding my arm but continued to carry my bag.

“He’s not following you any more. I’m impressed that they’ve figured out who you are. Nobody seems to know anything about you in any of the files.”

“Smecker kept me out of everything, I think.”

“He was a smart old devil,” she smiled admiringly. 

“Was?”

“He passed on some time ago.”

“I’m sorry for your loss, he seemed kind.”

“He was underneath his own bullshit.” She stopped at a nice looking townhouse and unlocked the door. “The kitchen is through there, the fridge should have enough room for whatever you’ve got in there.”

I opened the door. It was empty other than a few takeout containers and some condiment bottles. She must have been watching me.

“I said there’d be room.”

I laughed. “I guess you did.” She handed me a cellphone.

“Call your friend at McGinty’s. Set something up.”

After hesitating, I dialed Doc’s number. He answered after a few rings.

“We’re not open--fuck cunt,” he answered.

“Doc, it’s Cecilia.”

“Fuck, Cecilia?”

“Yeah, I’m in Boston.”

“Ye with--”

“Yes. Something’s happened. I need you to call them and get them to come to the bar tonight.”

“We’re closed tonight.”

“That’s the idea.”

He paused briefly. “I’ll set it up. Ye got a time--fuck, ass?”

Eunice mouthed ten at me so I relayed that and said goodbye. “Now, we’ve got some time to kill,” she broke the silence. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself and why there’s a mid-level Yakavetta thug following you?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“It can’t just be because of the Saints. They’d know where they are by now. So it must just be you. What’d you do?”

“Not much.”

“You were at the warehouse, right? Upstairs, using the machinery.” I said nothing. “You and I both know the boys aren’t smart enough for that. They just shoot everyone and call it a day. I’ve read your papers though, you’re fucking smart. So how’d you piss off the Italian mob?”

“I honestly have no idea.”

She hummed to herself, opening a laptop. “Well let’s find out then, shall we? Last name is McCarthy?”

I nodded. “Your father died in Boston when you were young.” She frowned. “The records are archived. Barely anything here.” She put a finger to her mouth in thought. “Your mom’s Italian?”

“And German, why?”

“She wouldn’t happen to be the daughter of one of these assholes, would she?”

I stared blankly. “My grandparents are dead. All I have is my mom as far as immediate family goes. I don’t know her maiden name,” I added before she could ask. She clicked around a few times, not replying.

“Gabriella Luciano. There it is. Her father served some time in prison before he died for the Yakavettas.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Testimony in his case is redacted. I guess I’ll have to get clearance for that archived file.” She pulled out her cellphone and punched in a number. “Bloom here. Working on the Yakavetta case. I need clearance for some files I think are related just to cover all of the bases.” A guy replied, sounding annoyed. “Well if you’d just give me fucking clearance to everything I wouldn’t have to fucking ask.” Another annoyed reply. “You’ll just give me clearance to whatever I need for the next couple hours? Oh, days. Well bless your heart, you sweet man.” She hung up.

I couldn’t help but chuckle, deciding that I liked Eunice.

“Killian Declan McCarthy--your son’s named after him. That’s cute.” She started reading before looking at me. “You might want to read this yourself.” I tried to read her expression but her face was deliberately blank.

With a sigh, I accepted the laptop from her and started reading the file in front of me. As I continued to read, I could feel the color drain from my face. My dad was in the fucking mob. It was how he had met my mother. The file included a collection of statements and testimonies from my mom. Why the fuck did she never tell me this? I immediately wanted to call her and just rage but I refrained. That means she fucking knows who Murphy and Connor are.

My dad had been an “associate.” They called him a “numbers guy” according to the file. He was good at making money, keeping money, and collecting money. It was his payment for being able to marry my mom and get her out of Boston. My grandfather, her dad, was one of the underbosses for the Yakavettas. Too high ranking for her to just escape. And he had owed a debt to the family for marrying an outsider, which was served in prison until he was murdered by another inmate several years after my grandmother died of cancer. 

Eunice gingerly took the laptop from my deathgrip as I tried to stare a hole into the picture of my mother on the witness’s stand. 

“I’ll just leave you to your thoughts.”

I said nothing. What was there to say at this point? The family history I had built up in my head wasn’t factual at all. It all has to be rewritten.


	33. Moderation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Moderation" by Florence + The Machine

Eunice drove us to the bar in silence. She didn’t seem to be the type to require constant, incessant talking. I was thankful for that at the moment. When we got to McGinty’s, there were three police waiting outside. 

“They’re actually on time, I’m impressed,” Eunice smiled to herself. She glanced at me. “You ready?”

“As much as I can be,” I nodded, grabbing the grocery bags from the back seat. She let me lead the way. Doc grinned as soon as he saw me, ushering me to the back room to put stuff in the refrigerator. 

When we came back out, Murphy and Connor were spraying down the cops while laughing hysterically.

“Old friends,” Doc informed me. I nodded, watching the situation play out.

“Yes, yes, we’re all friends here,” Eunice laughed as the three cops realized that she was working with us.

“Ye look like ye need a drink?”

I looked back at Doc, nodding again. Their jovial mood was doing nothing to lift my sour one.

“Fuck--ass! What’ll ye have?”

“Whiskey, double, neat,” I said. He nodded, pouring a generous amount of whiskey into a short whiskey glass. I drank it like it was a shot, tapping it. He raised his eyebrows but filled it again, putting his hand over it.

“Moderation.”

I laughed, taking a small sip to prove that I was a reasonable adult with restraint.

“Ye okay there, Cec?” Connor questioned as he held one of the cops in a headlock.

“I’ll be better,” I raised my glass. Eunice shook her head.

“You’re just as bad as them sometimes,” she chided. I shrugged, taking another drink. Being overly social wasn’t exactly on my list of things to do right now. She raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing else.

Murphy gave me a questioning look but Eunice cleared her throat.

“Now, I wanted us all to have a pleasant working relationship. You help us, we help you. And we can take turns babysitting,” she said, looking at me.

“Babysitting?” Murphy questioned, offended on my behalf. I shook my head at him to say that he shouldn’t be.

“It seems that Cecilia has a hit on her head from the Yakavettas.”

The boys exchanged glances, neither looking like they really understood exactly what she was saying.

“What? Why would Cecilia have a hit on her?” Connor questioned.

“Because my family used to belong to them,” I grumbled. I was mad all over again. Mostly at my mom for just never telling me any of this. It felt like a betrayal. Worse than anything Aidan had ever done. 

“Ye belong to them?” Murphy questioned.

“I don’t think I should,” I said thoughtfully, feeling pleasantly drunk by that point. “Apparently my dad met my mom, who was the daughter of one of the mid-level bosses or whatever. And he joined the mafia to be able to marry her but then he wanted us to have a normal life so he moved us to Pennsylvania.” I hiccupped and took another drink so that I wouldn’t do it again. “But that wasn’t good enough so they murdered him and then my grandfather went to prison and was also murdered.”

“That’s about the thick of it,” Eunice said after a moment of silence that was only broken by me hiccuping again and finishing my drink. I was very drunk by this point. “The Yakavettas had someone following her today when I was following her while she was getting groceries. It would be wise to not allow her to wander around alone until the Yakavettas are dealt with.”

“Any idea who it was?” Connor asked as I laid my head down on the bar, just trying to shut out the entire bar. I sat up straight and then immediately put my head back down as I realized that that had been a mistake.

“Doc, I need your phone,” I told him, swatting vaguely without looking up. 

“I’ve got it,” Murphy sighed. “Who am I calling, love?”

I reached into my pocket and waved the piece of paper with Klaus’ number on it. Murphy punched the number into the receiver, stretching the cord over to me to put my hand on it and helped me hold it up to my ear. Klaus answered on the third ring.

“Niklaus?” I greeted him. “I need your help. I’ve got an idea.”

“Cecilia? Are you drunk? Where are you?”

“McGinty’s. I’m with Murph and some other people.”

Romeo made a noise of indignation, which I responded to by shushing him.

“Anyway, it’s too much to explain on the phone and I’m really tired--”

And there is apparently where I passed out. I’m told that Detective Greenly caught me before I fell onto the floor.

My head was pounding when I woke up the next morning. And I was terribly thirsty. I was back in the apartment. There was a glass of water and some aspirins beside my side of the mattress and Murphy was sleeping peacefully beside me. I was in pajamas somehow. Connor and Romeo were also sleeping.

I bit back a groan and took the pills, drinking the entire glass of water immediately. After a few seconds of making sure I wasn’t terribly dizzy, I stood up and stumbled my way into the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” Klaus said quietly, scaring the hell out of me. He was sitting at our dining room table reading a newspaper. I must have looked very confused and startled because he chuckled. “I spent the night, Murphy explained what you told them last night. Or what you tried to tell him. It sounds like that Eunice woman may have filled in some details.”

“Why are you here though?”

“You called me.”

“I did?”

“Well, Murphy did. You slurred some words at me insinuating that you had a plan and then passed out.”

“That sounds more like me,” I admitted. I propped my elbows on the table, holding my head with my hands. “You slept here?”

“I did unfortunately.”

“Sorry.”

“I’ve done worse things for less important people. Have you talked to your mom?”

“No, I decided to fixate on it instead yesterday.”

“That sounds about right. You should probably call her. At least to let their father know what’s happening anyway.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“They filled me in on a lot of things you left out.”

I shrugged. “Fair enough.” I retrieved my cellphone before realizing I couldn’t really go outside by myself. I turned to look at him but he was already standing beside me.

“Just to be safe.” I nodded before leaving the apartment as quietly as I could.

Once I was outside, I dialed the number for Noah’s house. He answered on the third ring. “Hey, Noah, it’s Cecilia. Is my mom around?”

“Yeah, I’ll get her for you.”

“No, I need both of you for this. No kids. Don’t mention it’s me.”

There was a long pause. “Okay.” I heard him speaking in Italian with my mother, who then told Tyler to take the kids outside for lunch.

“Cecilia? What’s wrong?” Mom asked. She sounded so concerned that I felt my anger waver and tears sprung to my eyes.

“I know what happened to Dad in Boston,” I admitted. She sat there quietly. “You should have told me.”

“I should have, Killian didn’t want you to ever know. You thought the world of him--”

“I still do, Mom, that’s not the point. They’re dissatisfied with the agreement now.”

“Because of the Saints?”

“That’s my guess. You did know?”

“Of course I knew. I still have some old contacts who keep me updated on things. They haven’t told me about this though.”

“I’m not sure they’d know if they’re just associates. They have me tagged though. It’s only a matter of time before they track you down. Or the kids.” I glanced at Klaus. He looked relaxed, but he was looking around casually. He shook his head slightly. We were fine right now.

“They’ll be safe,” Noah spoke up. “You have my word.”

“I appreciate it, Noah.”

“Are you...safe?” Mom asked softly.

“The boys will keep her safe.”

“Yeah, I’ve got help. Klaus is here, too.”

“Oh, tell him I said hello. I always liked him.” Noah cussed in Italian, causing me to laugh.

“Yeah, everybody likes Klaus.”

“Except for Murphy,” Klaus grinned.

“Murphy likes you just fine,” I rolled my eyes. Klaus stared at me. “Okay, he’ll come to like you just fine. Mom says hi.”

“Hello Gabriella.”

“I could listen to him talk all day,” Mom sighed. Noah scoffed indignantly, sounding like the boys. I smiled. “I’m sure Murphy is just as lovely. More lovely? The loveliest? Oh, per l’amor di Dio, Noah, stop making that face.”

“Alright, I’m going to let you go before you kill each other.”

“This is just how Irishmen are. Give the boys my best,” Mom said dismissively. “Ti amo, Cecilia.”

“Ti amo, anch’io, madre,” I replied.

“Stay safe, Cecilia.”

“You, too, Noah.” I hung up, feeling much better now. We went back inside just as Murphy was getting up out of bed.

“Ye look like hell,” Murphy noted.

“I fucking feel like it,” I replied, putting my phone back in my bag. “Mom said to give you her best.”

“She said I’m her favorite though,” Klaus smirked. I gave him an unamused look.

“That’s just because you’re polite. Your dad had a few choice words in Italian for her.” 

“Oh?” Murphy questioned, raising his eyebrows in amusement. 

I reiterated them, causing Murphy to laugh. “Yeah, my mom was not at all phased that your dad threatened to bathe in her blood for insulting you. So it’s probably a regular occurrence there.”

“I see where ye get it from now,” he kissed me, tapping the tip of my nose playfully. I tried to look annoyed but failed miserably and smiled instead.

“Shut up.”

“Ye both shut up,” Connor mumbled into his pillow. “I don’t wake up this early.”

“Connor it’s eight.”

“Cecilia, I love ye as much as I could love a sister, but--”

“C’mon Connor, time to get up,” Murphy announced, flipping the mattress Connor was on right on top of Romeo. Connor yelped as Romeo continued to sleep peacefully, snoring into Connor’s ear.

“I am going to kill ye, Murphy, so help me god,” Connor hissed, struggling to get up.

“Is this a regular occurrence?” Klaus questioned as the twins began assaulting one another.

“Yeah, you get used to it. Coffee?” I asked, turning to make some.

“Please.”


	34. I'll Keep It with Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'll Keep It with Mine" by Bob Dylan

“Let me get this straight,” Klaus sipped his coffee thoughtfully, “you want to go right to the source of the problem and have all of the bosses killed there.”

“More or less,” I said. Connor and Murphy exchanged glances while Romeo ate a piece of toast.

“That sounds like suicide.”

“You have a better idea?”

“It’s not my area of expertise.” He looked at the twins. “Technically, that’s yours.”

“That is essentially what we do,” Connor admitted. “Find the bad guys, kill the bad guys, and move on with our lives.”

“How have you managed to stay alive this long?”

“Luck o’ the Irish,” Connor and Murphy grinned proudly. Klaus groaned, burying his face in his hands.

“You have no organized method to anything, do you?”

“Not really,” Murphy admitted. “Just kind of do what God tells us to.”

Klaus looked up at me to see if they were joking. I shook my head to say they weren’t and he groaned again.

“We had a four hour long discussion about you and how you had such finesse in your jobs.” I could tell Klaus’ idea of the Saints had just shattered.

“Something must’ve gotten lost in translation, aye?” Connor grinned at Murphy, who looked just as pleased with himself.

“Arschmaden,” Klaus muttered to himself as he got up for more coffee. I nearly spit mine out at his comment and tried not to laugh at the tall, surly German calling the twins ‘ass maggots’ for having his well incubated ideas turned upside down.

“We’ve been called worse,” Murphy shrugged. “But how are we supposed to find out where Concezio Yakavetta is?”

“Eunice, maybe,” I offered. “She might find something in the FBI database.”

“Worth a shot.” I stood with a stretch. “I’ll give her a call and see what I can find out.”

“I’ll go with ye. Could use a smoke.” Murphy followed me outside, my jacket in his hand. “It’s cold.”

I smiled softly at him, allowing him to hold it for me so that I could put it on. He kissed me on the cheek before leading the way downstairs. I watched him for a second, thinking of how happy I was that we got a second chance to be together. Even if it’s complicated.

Eunice showed up at the apartment a few hours after I had called her. Instead of her typical put together business suit, she was in an outfit that reminded me of a modern cowgirl. “I figured I’d dress for the occasion!” Eunice said, delighted, when I stared at her after answering the door.

“I keep telling Cec to dress for the occasion but she’s no fun,” Connor grinned, shouldering me affectionately. I rolled my eyes. He and Murphy were in their usual all dark attire while Romeo was wearing normal clothes: jeans, a white tanktop, and a belt with a rather large buckle. I was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a band t-shirt, and no accessories.

Eunice looked me over. “That won’t do. What do I have to work with here?”

Murphy pointed to the corner where we kept our clothes. “Those are mine and hers.”

The redhead nodded, sashaying over to the corner and beginning to rummage through our things. She threw her hands up after a few minutes. “Do you have anything that isn’t a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, or something that makes you look like you’re going to be rolling around in dirt all day?”

“They’re practical,” I defended myself. She gave me a look that clearly told me she was aware of such but did not approve. Then she started rummaging through Murphy’s clothes while he was picking on Connor. 

“A ha! This I can work with.” She held up a black shirt that had a bunch of rips and tears in it. I recognized it immediately after she threw it at me. It was a shirt I had thought that I had lost when moving to Germany. I had kept it specifically for wearing on stage during our gigs.

“I was wondering where that got to,” I studied it before looking to Murphy for answers. He turned a bit pink while Connor looked absolutely delighted by this development.

“Ye kept her shirt for almost ten years, ye weirdo!”

“I thought she might want it,” Murphy tried to defend himself, slapping Connor lightly. 

“Then why do ye still have it?” Connor retaliated, slapping Murphy on the chest. And then they were bickering and trying to kill one another.

“I started something?” Eunice questioned.

“No, they’re twins and Irish,” I said, unconcerned. “Is anything else of mine in there? I lost my favorite guitar pick back then, too.” I reached for the bag, causing Murphy to dive across the room and throw himself on it before I could even touch it. He looked like a cat protecting its favorite ball of yarn while being threatened with a spray bottle. I raised my eyebrows, fighting back a laugh. “What’re you doing there, Murph?”

“I’ve got porn,” he blurted out.

“Uh huh, I’ll just go put this on.” Eunice had gone back to checking my bags and made a delighted noise once more as she pulled out a belt. She handed it to me.

“Wear this, too.”

I reached out and took it, smiling sadly at it. It was Rocco’s.

“That’s Rocco’s,” Connor observed, surprised.

“Yeah, I have one of his necklaces, too. His mom mailed them to me after I moved to Germany.”

There was a knock on the door as Klaus returned from going to his hotel to change. He noticed what I was holding and did his best to decipher my mood. I had cried like a baby when I opened the package and read the letter she sent about it. She had died a few years later, but I had made sure to call her every other week to check in up until she died. Rocco’s death hit her hard. I think it hit all of us hard.

“I’ll go change,” I said softly before going back behind the screen. Eunice followed, standing a bit off to the side so she wasn’t directly watching me. The boys all began a tentative conversation, trying to clear the energy in the room.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” she began.

“No, you wouldn’t have known.” I pulled my t-shirt over my head and slipped the other one on. It still fit somehow.

“No, I’m insensitive sometimes.” I undid my belt and draped it over the screen.

“And I’m too sensitive sometimes. It’s fine, Eunice. Give yourself some credit, you can’t know everything just by reading someone’s file.”

I came out from behind the screen as I buckled Rocco’s belt. 

“That looks better,” Eunice approved. “It’s a better look for you. Not quite as plain or serious.” She handed me a wig I hadn’t noticed she had placed on the folding screen at some point. I took it, examining it. It was black and choppy with a thick, heavy fringe. I’ve never seen myself with dark hair. I’ve always kept it red.

I shook my head before going back over to my bag, pulling out a golden crucifix necklace. After looking at it for a few seconds, I decided to wear it, too. It brought me more comfort than I thought it would.

“Looks good on ye, Cec,” Connor smiled, throwing an arm around me. Murphy slipped his arm around my waist on the other side, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. “I am right here, ye twat.” Connor slapped Murphy upside the head, who promptly retaliated by slapping Connor on the forehead.

“You’re both twats,” I declared before slipping out of both of their arms and standing beside Eunice and Klaus.

“Alright children,” Eunice cleared her throat. “Everyone know the plan?”

“Show up, kill people, go home?” Romeo offered hopefully.

“Close,” Klaus said slowly.

“Cecilia and I will show up as entertainment.”

“Won’t they recognize her?” Romeo asked, pointing at me. I held up the wig and gave it a little shake. “Oh, smart.”

“I know,” Eunice winked at him. “Then Klaus and Romeo will pretend to deliver some food.”

“And we’ll come in through a window,” Connor nodded.

“And we end this,” Murphy agreed. Klaus and I exchanged glances.

“It’s on like the 20th floor, how are you getting in through a window?” I questioned.

“We have a rope,” the twins said in unison as if it was the most logical thing.

“Of course, how silly of me,” I said slowly. “Just don’t get yourselves killed doing some fancy theatrical bullshit.”

“Nah,” they grinned, clearly looking forward to giving me a heart attack. 

“Alright, let’s get going before it’s too late and our timing is off,” Eunice said cheerfully. “Here, I’ll help with the wig in the car. You’ll ride with me.”

“The rest with me,” Klaus nodded.

Murphy kissed me as we started to split up, then became very serious and held my hand tightly. “I love ye, be careful and stay near Eunice.”

“I love you, too,” I nodded. “Be careful. All of you.” The other three nodded. Murphy didn’t let go of my hand until it slipped out of his grasp as Eunice and I walked out the door.

Once we were in her car, she helped me pin up my hair and put the wig on so that it looked natural. Then she handed me her makeup bag. “Put on some lipstick and some sultry eyeshadow. Look like you’re trying too hard,” she instructed. I complied, thankful for the distraction, and thought again of my dad telling me that idle hands were the devil’s playthings. I wonder how idle his hands were and how often. Maybe Mom will tell me the truth some day. We just have to live through the night.


	35. the 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "the 1" by Taylor Swift

“You ready?” Eunice asked as we rode the elevator up to the correct floor. I nodded. I was nervous but I was trying not to look like it. She knocked on the door firmly, pushing her lips and chest out a little bit to look more seductive. I adjusted my bra so that my cleavage was a bit more prominent. 

“What do you want?” a tall man answered gruffly, looking us over.

“I heard you boys needed some entertainment,” Eunice winked and tipped her hat. He looked us over before shrugging and opening the door. There were about twenty men in suits mingling and picking at some finger foods that were laying about. 

“You girls want drinks?”

“Oh bless your heart,” Eunice smiled sweetly. The man snapped at a younger guy with curly black hair. “Jimmy, get the ladies drinks. Somethin’ good so the show’s good.”

“Yes, sir,” Jimmy replied nervously. He looked at us, his eyes widening when he saw my face. Eunice, however, didn’t notice because she was scanning the other men in the room. 

Another knock on the door. Klaus and Romeo. As they began wheeling their cart into the room, reaching into their stolen chef jackets for firearms, Jimmy grabbed me and ran. Eunice swore, trying to sprint after us as some glass shattered and gunfire started ringing out. Eventually he stopped running and shoved me into what looked like a closet. As soon as I was in it, however, I realized it was a safe room. He closed the door behind him in the face of some other men.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he hissed in my face, looking pissed.

“Who the fuck are you?” I shot back, pushing him back slightly. He straightened up a bit.

“Sorry, you’re just not supposed to be here.”

“Because I should be dead?”

“What? No. I’ve been following you to make sure you stay alive,” he said, clearly exasperated.

“You’ve been following me? You don’t look like a hitman.” 

“Do you really think they have hitmen serving cocktails?”

“Probably not. I dunno. It’s not like there’s a handbook for mob jobs I can look up.”

“Mafia.”

“Whatever. Are you going to tell me who you are?”

“I’m your cousin, Jimmy.”

“And?”

“And I was trying to make sure you stay alive since, apparently like your father, you like dangerous company.”

“You’re saying a lot of words and literally telling me nothing,” I snapped, irritated. The gunfire outside stopped. I started hitting buttons on the keypad angrily. First some sprinklers started going off and then the door opened. Jimmy paled visibly seeing the twins with their guns drawn on him.

“There a reason ye took our lass?” Connor questioned. Jimmy held up his hands in surrender as I went to stand behind Murphy.

“They weren’t directly responsible,” he pointed at the mobsters on the floor. “But I know who is if you don’t kill me.”

“How do we know you’re telling the truth?”

“Your middle name is Killian. Like your dad.” My glare softened a bit as Murphy lowered his gun slightly, looking at me to make sure it was okay. I nodded. I don’t tell many people my middle name. And out of the people in the room, only Murphy knew it. Well, and probably Eunice since she had read my file.

“Alright, what do ye know?” Murphy asked calmly. The rest of the group followed suit, slowly lowering their weapons but nobody holstered them. Just in case Jimmy tried anything.

“We were hired by some guy named the Roman. He’s got some grudge against your dad.”

“My dad?” I questioned.

“No, ours,” Murphy exhaled. 

“Da’s got enemies,” Connor mused. “Guess we’ll have to make a call back home.”

“First we’ve got to rearrange some stuff in here,” Eunice interrupted. “Before the cops show up.” She looked at Jimmy. “Security footage?”

“Yeah, pretty sure Cecilia destroyed it though. It was in the safe room.”

“Double check it,” she instructed me before assigning everyone some chores to do. 

“What about me? I didn’t get to do anything!” Romeo said, looking depressed about the whole ordeal.

“You kicked down the door, didn’t ya?” Eunice asked, leaning in sweetly. Romeo’s face lit up as he cocked his guns in the air.

“Yeah! Ding, dong, motherfuckers!”

Murphy and Connor looked up from their task, exchanged a glance, and then muttered something to the effect that Romeo was a nutjob in German. I heard Klaus chuckle as I stepped back into the vault with Jimmy.

“These are busted,” he said, noticing the sparking equipment. I studied it for a few seconds.

“Not enough.” I unplugged it, pried it open, and retrieved the tape inside. I took it out, popping open the protective casing to see the film. I used my shirt to grab it without leaving any fingerprints and began splicing out the first half of the tape. Klaus poked his head into the room as I was splicing it back together. Now it looks like a fresh tape that never got to record. Thankfully it was a new tape so the missing time wasn’t very much. “Do you have a lighter?”

“Ja,” Klaus said, pulling one out of his pocket.

“Hold it for now. We’ll burn this away from here. Just in case.”

“Smart,” Eunice approved.

“Paranoid,” I corrected.

“Same thing most of the time.”

Klaus and I sat outside at the park near the apartment as the security tape burned in the small fire pit he made for the occasion. I yawned, ready for a shower and bed. I’m not made for this vigilante stuff.

“You can spend hours digging around in the dirt, but less than an hour of adrenaline and you’re ready for bed,” Klaus chuckled. I shot him an unamused look as the flame burnt out. We scattered the rocks and then made sure that the ashes weren’t anywhere to be found. He offered me his arm, which I took gratefully. “So your middle name is Killian. You never told me that.”

“I don’t tell most people that,” I shrugged, fiddling with Rocco’s necklace absentmindedly. 

“Murphy knew.”

“Murphy knows almost everything about me.”

He was silent for a few steps. “Why?”

“Why does he know or why did I choose him?”

“Are they different answers?”

“I guess not.” I recalled the first time I met Murphy at McGinty’s. He was so handsome. I always think he’s handsome. Even when he’s an insufferable ass. “We met at McGinty’s when I was twenty-seven. I was on- and off-again engaged at the time to a guy who was entirely terrible to me. But I was lonely and I wanted to escape Pennsylvania so I let him whisk me away to Boston. I put myself through college, made friends, started a band. But I felt like I was asleep before I met Murphy. Like there was a wall between me and myself. I was just...waiting.”

Klaus nodded.

“Anyway. I was way too drunk to go home alone, even though I tried to. But he and Connor walked me home. My ex was still around, even though he was supposed to be gone. They helped me kick him out and they stayed the night to be sure he didn’t come back. They didn’t know me at all other than I was some redhead they met at the bar studying archaeology and waiting for the rain to pass. But we all became friends. And Murphy and I fell in love. I didn’t know about anything they were doing at the time. And then Rocco died. And I felt like I went asleep again. Then I got the position in Germany and Murphy wouldn’t leave before they finished what they had started. So I went alone.”

We had stopped walking at this point and Klaus was just watching me speak as I looked up at the stars.

“When I left, I decided I hated Boston. Everything I’ve ever loved had been taken away from me here. Before that, I loved it because it reminded me of my dad.” I shook my head, continuing to walk forward. “So Murphy and I broke up and I went to Germany like I planned. Then I found out I was pregnant and Tyler followed me so that I wasn’t doing it on my own. My mom and I reconciled. Then I met you.”

“Then you moved to Ireland,” he said, getting impatient with how long I was taking to answer his question.

“And then I moved to Ireland,” I smiled. “And I knocked on a farmhouse door and their dad and Connor answered.”

He looked surprised.

“I didn’t go searching for Murphy. I found out he was alive shortly after the incident but I didn’t look. Honestly I thought our story had come to a close by that point. I just wanted to raise Declan and Kelly as well as I could and love them twice as much as I should. But we had to dig two fucking feet into Noah McManus’ property line. And it was like Murphy and I had never been apart when we were together again.”

“You almost sound like it was fate.”

“I don’t know what else to call it at this point. Murphy’s right. Everything has happened for a reason.” At this point, I think I was talking more to myself than Klaus, even though he was trying so hard to patiently listen. “I don’t know how to explain exactly why I love Murphy. I just do. I know you know that.”

“I do, I just needed to hear you say it.”

“I will always love Murphy. That will never change. I feel like I’m home when I’m with him, no matter where we are or what we’re doing.”

He pretended to be shot in the heart, wincing in pretend pain. “Ow, my heart.”

“You said you needed to hear it.”

“I did. Thank you. Just promise me you’ll actually be my friend from now on.”

“I promise,” I smiled at him. He smiled back, patting my hand that was resting on his arm. “Now, as your friend, I’m pretty sure Eunice is going to need somewhere to stay and she seems pretty single.”

He contemplated this silently, walking me to the front door of the apartment and saying goodnight. I climbed the stairs, thinking only about showering and going to bed.


	36. Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Again" by Sasha Sloan

I opened the apartment door only to find the lights off inside. That’s weird, I thought as I flicked on the lightswitch. Nobody seemed to be home. Maybe they went out for a drink or something. I wasn’t even a little bit mad. I was not in the mood to go to a bar. Shower, then bed, I told myself firmly. I walked over to the mattress and noticed a small velvet box on my pillow.

Curiously, I picked it up. It was light. Jewelry. My heart started to beat nervously as I opened it. A beautiful, small engagement ring was in there. It was a gold band with a small, square diamond set diagonally in the middle with two small round diamonds on either side. It was perfect. I heard movement behind me, turning around to find Murphy kneeling on one knee.

“Cecilia, I love ye,” he started nervously. I put the ring on the bed before kneeling with him and kissing him, pulling him close to me. This surprised him, causing him to tumble on top of me. “Ye didn’t even let me ask!”

“You don’t even have to ask.” He raised his eyebrows, moving his weight off of me but not moving to get up.

“I can’t promise ye a normal life--I can’t promise ye much. But I can promise to love ye forever. Will ye marry me?”

“Yes,” I said, pulling him into another kiss.

“Shower and then bed?”

“You are the perfect man for me,” I laughed as he helped me up. 

We helped each other undress before making our way into the shower. He helped me wash my hair and I helped him wash his back. I made sure to poke fun at the fact that his shoulders were sore and tight because he and Connor decided to be superheroes and come in through the windows. He retaliated to my teasing by putting some soap suds on my nose.

We were laying in bed, just talking aimlessly when the apartment door opened. Connor and Romeo entered, eyebrows raised at Murphy. I rolled my eyes, holding up my hand to show that the ring was on it. They grinned, offering congratulations as they got ready for bed.

“How long have you had this?” I asked curiously once the other two had fallen asleep. Murphy shifted uncomfortably. I sat up slightly. “You’ve had this since before I left for Germany.”

He sighed. “Can’t this just be one of those happy moments ye don’t over think?”

I continued to stare.

“Ye wouldn’t be Cecilia otherwise I guess.” Another sigh. “I got it before ye were kidnapped.” Before Rocco died.

“You’ve kept it with you all this time?”

He shrugged as if it were the most normal thing in the world. I kissed him. He never gave up on us, even when I had. I looked at the ring on my finger again. I’m glad he waited. I’m glad we’ve gotten a second chance. Even if we wouldn’t have, though, I’d have done it all over again just to have known him.

I laid back down, resting my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat as he fell asleep. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep either.


	37. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ghosts" by SYML

I woke up to Murphy gently running his fingers through my hair while he was smoking a cigarette, whispering with Connor so that he didn’t wake me up. Instead of immediately getting up, I laid there just enjoying laying on him and listening to him talk. Connor eventually went into the kitchen area to get more coffee for both of them.

Murphy kissed the top of my head. “Ye ever going to get up, love?”

“Five more minutes,” I mumbled, pushing myself against him even more. He chuckled slightly, moving his hand down to rest on my hip.

“Someone’s finally awake,” Connor grinned, sitting near Murphy’s feet and handing Murphy a cup of coffee.

“She’s been awake for a bit,” Murphy teased, blowing my cover.

“Eavesdropping on highly sensitive conversations?” Connor said, pretending to be offended.

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count as eavesdropping if you’re talking about stuff I was there for,” I rolled my eyes.

“Fair enough. On a more serious note though, ye mind getting groceries with Romeo today? Murph and me were going to call Da.”

“Yeah, I think we can handle that. Make sure you say hi to the twins. They’re probably in the we’re-so-bored-nobody-is-coming-back-home stage and driving the adults crazy.”

“They must get that from ye,” Murphy said slyly, causing Connor to almost choke on his coffee.

“I’ll remember that the next time you tell me I’m out of hand,” I smiled, kissing him before he could protest, and getting up out of bed to get ready for the day.

After I had finished, Romeo was still somehow asleep. I poked him in the ribs lightly with my foot. He sat up straight, looking around like the apartment was being invaded.

“I don’t think an assassin would politely poke you to wake you up,” I laughed. He turned a bit pink before grinning and laughing with me. “You’re on grocery duty with me today.”

“I’ll go get ready, Cec.”

I nodded, covering my mouth as I yawned, sitting down next to Connor to wait. Before I got a chance to even say anything, my phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize. And I certainly didn’t get a chance to even answer properly.

“Cecilia, it’s Eunice.”

“Hey--”

“I don’t have much time. I’m getting the fuck out of this country while I can. You guys are clean. No database records. Of any kind. No pictures, no prints. Should affect international databases in a few hours.” I stood, beginning to pace the room.

“What?”

“I fucked up the database, Cecilia. Murphy, Connor, their dad, you, your mom and dad--nobody has any files on record any more. No more warrants. Just names and numbers. I doctored anything on the Saints with photos from some other criminal files and altered the names.” I glanced over at the twins, they looked worried, studying my face intently. “And now, I’ve gotta get out of here. Consider this your gift for cleaning up the city again.”

“Go to Klaus,” I blurted out. I could tell this surprised her as I heard her high heels come to a stop on the other end. She started walking again.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I think you should. And I think he thinks you should. He could help.”

“I can’t, I’m getting out of here. I’ve already called in some favors.”

“Then go to Ireland. We can put you up for as long as you need.”

“That’s better than my plan.” I gave her the address for the camp, telling her to ask for Adrienne and say that I specifically sent her. “Thank you, Cecilia.”

“No, thank you Eunice, this is...a lot,” I said. “Stay safe. We’ll hopefully see you in a couple weeks at the latest.”

“I look forward to it.” And then she was gone. I hope she gets away safely. Eunice is smart, she’ll find a way.

“That was Eunice,” I tapped the phone. “As a thank you for what you guys have done for the city, she wiped all of our files out of the systems and doctored anything that named you directly or had your pictures on it.”

The twins looked at each other and then back to me in disbelief. I shrugged, shaking my head. Apparently none of us had thought that that was a possibility.

“I told her to go to Ireland and stay at the camp until we get back.”

They nodded. Romeo walked over, buttoning up his shirt.

“Ready?”

He nodded.

“We’ll be back in like an hour, I guess.” Grocery shopping seemed so trivial now after Eunice’s phone call. I’ll give the woman this much: she’s got some flair to go along with that brain.

“We’ll call Da,” Murphy nodded. I kissed him goodbye before leaving with Romeo.

We walked in relative silence. I was still trying to work through what Eunice had done while also worrying about what was going to come in the next few days. As long as we didn’t fuck it up, we’d be able to live our lives like normal people. I think that’s the most surprising part to me. Never would I have guessed that that was an option with Murphy. Hopefully this is the end of it, though, and he and Connor can leave well enough alone. I’d be lying if I wasn’t worried that they wouldn’t be able to count their blessings and enjoy life. Maybe I am still a little bit bitter about our first breakup.

“Thanks, Romeo,” I said as he held the door open for me.

“No problem, Cec,” he grinned. We went through our list pretty quickly since the store wasn’t very busy. As soon as we got about a block away, I groaned. I left the bread on the counter.

“I left the bread on the counter, I’ll run back and get it,” I told Romeo, grabbing the receipt out of the bag. “You go on back to the apartment, I’ll probably be a few minutes and I don’t want the meat getting too warm.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I scanned the receipt as I got back to the store door so that I could point to it and signify that the bread was mine and that I was just dumb and forgot it.

_ “Cecilia, turn the fuck around,” _ I heard Rocco yell at me. I turned just in time for a cloth to be shoved in my face. I tried to scream but my limbs started to become heavy as my vision darkened. As I passed out, I was able to make out the man’s face that was holding the cloth to my face. 

Caleb.


	38. AEIOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "AEIOU" by Wye Oak

I felt the sensation of being in a car as I struggled to regain consciousness. Everything was so jumbled. And my head was killing me. Everytime I started opening my eyes, a man would say something and I’d be given a shot of something to put me back under. Even if I had been able to keep count, I imagine that it would have happened many times until I was finally allowed to wake up.

When I came to, I was laying on a hard cot in a basement. Not a normal basement since this one had a cell, complete with bars on the windows. But it was a basement to someone’s house nonetheless. I pushed myself up onto my feet and stumbled to the door, giving it a hard yank. Nothing.

A bright light overhead turned on, causing me to shield my eyes while also trying to make out who the figures were.

“We were afraid we drugged you too much,” Caleb spoke softly. He came into focus, as did the man beside him. Adam.

“Where am I? What is this?”

“Nothing personal, Cecilia,” Adam said, his expression betraying the sentiment. I said nothing, looking back and forth between the two brothers.

“You just happen to be a rare commodity that’s attached to the McManus family,” Caleb added.

“Bait,” I said, frowning. “The Roman.”

“Oh, he’ll be flattered that you’ve heard of him,” Adam smiled. I swallowed hard, my throat was awfully dry. “I can get you some water if you’d like.”

“I’ll pass, thanks.” I didn’t trust Adam’s energy at all. Sometimes you meet people and you just feel like they’re a void of negative space. That’s what it felt like when I looked at him. What had happened to him?

Adam shrugged. “Suit yourself.” And then they were gone.

I rubbed my throat a few times before trying to calm down and figure something out. The only source of light in the room was from the construction lights near the stairs. There were two ways out--the stairs and a set of cement stairs that had to lead to a cellar door. The lock on the cell door was old. I didn’t have my lockpicking device. And a quick pat of my pockets told me that they took my wallet, keys, and cellphone.

Bobby pins? My hair was up when I went to the store. I began feeling around in my hair. I keep count of how many are usually in my hair otherwise I miss some--a ha! They missed some. I pulled them out of my hair, pulling off the protective rubber ends with my teeth.

Okay. Breath. Remember Klaus teaching you to open that door to the graveyard in Germany you wanted to visit that was off limits. I started working, trying to keep my mind occupied so that I didn’t panic. There was no plan if I even managed to get this open. But I knew that being in a cage was not my safest option. The first pin released. 

Now the second pin. I can do this.

After what felt like an eternity, I had it unlocked. Holding my breath, I pushed it open. No alarm. At least not unless there was a silent one. But it didn’t look like there were any wires anywhere.

The cellar door was locked from the outside I discovered as soon as I tried to find a lock on it. That’s no good. Up the stairs and into the snake pit I go, I guess. 

“Why am I always the one being kidnapped? Why couldn’t I rescue Murphy or Connor and then rub it in their faces for the rest of our lives?” I grumbled as I looked around for some kind of weapon. My knife! Nothing else seems to be down here of mine though.

I slowly began going up the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. The closer I got to the top, the more commotion I heard. Apparently the basement is soundproofed. And the door is locked. With a sigh, I dropped to my knees and began picking this lock as well. If I never have to pick another lock again, I’ll be happy. And I was so excited about this being the skill I was bringing to the table. Not any more. Fuck locks and fuck Caleb and Adam for turning into pricks and taking my fucking lockpick. My bobby pin broke.

Alright, guess I’m kicking it down.

I steadied myself the best that I could and delivered several firm kicks beside the knob. The frame and door splintered enough for me to shoulder it open. 

As soon as I was out of the basement, there was just general chaos.

I was almost immediately hit with several bullets. I dove behind the nearest piece of furniture, holding my combat knife at the ready. 

“Prisoner’s loose!” one of the men yelled before lunging at me. I managed to use his own weight against him, slicing the back of his ankle with my knife. Before he could recover, I wrestled his gun from his hands and shot him once in the head. He stopped moving. At least I’m properly armed. I sheathed my knife and began taking down any random thug that I could find. Eventually, I came across Romeo. He looked surprised to see me.

“Cecilia! Fuck it’s good to see you,” he grinned. I ditched the gun I had been holding for a new one with more ammo. I definitely didn’t know enough about guns to know anything about reloading them or what kind of ammo was in each one--Murphy tried to teach me, okay? I just didn’t pay attention.

“Where are Murphy and Connor?” I asked as we moved through the rooms, keeping watch for one another.

“They’re making their way to the Roman.”

“Which way?”

He jerked one of his pistols the opposite way that we were going.

“I’m going this way.”

Romeo gave me a look, clearly asking if I would be okay.

“I’ll actually be fine this time.”

Before he could protest, I was weaving into another room, ducking behind furniture to avoid fighting unnecessarily. It wasn’t long until I found Murphy and Connor, back to back, guns drawn and facing Adam and Caleb. The twins were sandwiched between the two brothers. 

As quietly as I could, I circled around the standoff, knife drawn. I managed to get behind Caleb without being seen. Before I could chicken out, I lunged at him, using as much strength as I could to put him in a chokehold, knife to his throat. He was nothing short of surprised.

But he certainly wasn’t as surprised as I was when Adam shot him in the chest. The bullet travelled through Caleb’s now limp body and into my stomach. Murphy shot Adam faster than I could react to being shot myself.

Connor was immediately at my side, lifting up my shirt to see the damage. “It didn’t pass through, ye’ll be fine.” He took the belt to his jacket and tied it around my waist as firmly as he could. “Keep pressure there, okay?”

“Where the fuck is Romeo?” Murphy growled.

As if on cue, more men began to file into the room while Romeo kicked his way through a window, guns blazing. Before the twins got a chance to shoot, he managed to kill them all. I was impressed.

“Romeo, carry Cecilia,” Connor ordered. “Watch her side, she’s shot.”

Romeo’s face fell as he looked at me as if to say I had said I’d be fine but I wasn’t and he was so disappointed in me.

“Yeah, yeah, I told you so’s later,” I rolled my eyes.

“Just as long as you know,” Romeo scoffed, picking me up.

“This way,” Murphy said, nodding to where the thugs had come from. 

“Waves are slowing down, they’re almost out of pawns,” Connor agreed. They ascended the stairs, Murphy in front of Romeo and I and Connor behind us. My side was throbbing and quickly covering Connor’s belt in blood.

At the top, there was a man calmly listening to a vinyl record and smoking a cigar. The Roman. Without bothering with semantics, Murphy shot him in the face. My wallet and keys were on the table beside him.

“Grab those,” I said, pointing to them. Murphy grabbed them, putting them in his pockets, and then took me from Romeo. The rug beneath the Roman was starting to catch fire.

“Let it burn,” Murphy said, wasting no time in heading back downstairs so that we could leave. We got to the getaway car without problem: Connor in the driver’s seat with Romeo in the passenger’s, while Murphy and I were in the back seat.

“Those guys, who were they?” Connor asked, glancing in the rearview at us.

“Caleb and Adam,” I said, wincing at the pressure Murphy was putting on my side.

“Really? What the fuck were they doing there?”

“Fuck if I know. They didn’t keep in touch after Tyler left Boston. Guess Adam held on to his resentment that Tyler left to come to Germany with me. Caleb probably got dragged into the mess because of it.”

I made a mental note to try and do some digging into the subject later. And that I’m also not going to be making any new friends any time soon. 

At least this is over now. 

We can fucking leave Boston finally.


	39. Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONNOR'S POINT OF VIEW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Promise Me" by Badflower

I glanced in the rearview mirror, noticing that Cecilia was slowly falling asleep. “Murph,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. Murphy looked about ready to fall apart any second.

“Cec, hey, come on, wake up for me,” Murphy said gently. There was no reply. Murphy pulled his hand away from her side. It was covered in blood.

“She needs a hospital.” We’re about ten minutes away from one of them. I started driving a little faster, trying to shorten that amount of time. Romeo was quietly watching Murphy try to talk to Cecilia to keep her somewhat coherent. Goddammit, Cec. 

A car honked aggressively as I cut them off. Normally I would have had some kind of comeback filled with flourish and exaggerated gestures but there didn’t feel like there was any kind of time for that at all right now.

Thankfully we got to the hospital without issue. I went through the emergency lane, skidding to a stop. Romeo was out of the car and opening the door for Murphy before I could even say anything.

Murphy rushed into the hospital where a nurse immediately started yelling for help. He glanced back, nodding at me. 

“We have to leave, Romeo,” I said. He nodded, getting back into the car with me. We got back to the apartment without issue. God was looking out for us today. We stashed the guns, washed up, grabbed some extra clothes for Murphy and Cecilia, and headed back to the hospital. It felt like the longest thirty minutes of my life.

“Is she going to be okay?” Romeo asked. This was the most worried I had ever seen him. And I’ve seen him go into gunfights without any concern for his safety.

“She has to be,” I answered. I didn’t want to think of the alternative. Murphy was in the waiting room when we got there. He was still covered in blood. “Have you heard anything?”

Murphy shook his head. He was pale and his jaw was clenched. There was a darkness in his eyes I had only seen a few times. It usually means he’s about to do something foolish. I put my hand on his shoulder.

“Go wash up and change.”

“They might come say something while I’m in there,” Murphy shook his head. “I have to be here.”

“It won’t change anything if you are.” He glared at me but didn’t disagree as he took the bag and went to change in the bathroom. When he came back, nothing had changed.

After about an hour of waiting, a nurse finally came over. “You’re with Cecilia McCarthy?” she asked Murphy before glancing at the rest of us.

“I’m her fiance,” Murphy answered. “My brother, our friend.”

“Okay,” she noted that. “She’s in surgery now. It looks like the bullet nicked her liver but she’ll be okay. What was the cause of the gunshot?”

“Someone tried to mug her. We got in a fight and she stormed off and,” he glared at his feet. Good, he’s still thinking that far ahead at least.

“Should I call the police to file a report?”

His gaze flew up to her. And there’s the irrational anger. “What the fuck good will that do? I don’t fucking know the guy. He wanted her ring and she wouldn’t hand it over. It was a stupid fucking fight and--”

“Perhaps we should save this for later, aye?” I asked, trying my best to be charming. The nurse’s eyes softened. 

“Of course. I’ll let you know when she’s out of surgery.”

Murphy looked back down at the ground, his arms crossed, and started nervously bouncing his leg up and down. We were going to be here awhile. I leaned back in the chair, putting an arm behind Murphy. At least it sounds like she’s going to be okay. I wouldn’t know what to do with him if she wasn’t. He would never forgive himself. Or me. Or God. Or the world, for that matter.

We were at the hospital for four more hours before the nurse came back over to speak to us. Romeo had fallen asleep on one of the couches while I laid down on a few of the chairs beside Murphy, who hadn’t moved at all. He just sat there tapping his leg, glaring at the floor or anything that dared to come near him. (And every single doctor or nurse that didn’t come over to tell him anything about Cec.)

“She’s out of surgery and she’s awake now,” the nurse smiled kindly. “She agreed not to press charges either. And had almost the exact same statement you did.” The nurse smirked a bit, obviously entertained by our resident hotheaded couple. “Did you bring her a change of clothes? Her old clothes are destroyed. We might have some things--”

“We grabbed some,” Romeo said, holding up a bag. Murphy looked surprised and grateful. I clapped him on the back.

“Can we see her?” I asked.

“I’m only supposed to let one of you back there,” she glanced over her shoulder. “But we aren’t busy and you all did just wait six hours out here. So I’ll let you all back to see her.”

She walked us back to Cecilia’s room. She was sitting up in bed drinking some water when we walked in. Her soft brown eyes became stern as she looked at us.

“Don’t any of you dare fucking say ‘I-told-you-so,’” she ordered. I saw Murphy relax as he laughed, going over to kiss her on the side of the head and keeping his head resting against hers for a few seconds.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” the nurse laughed.

“I have just one question,” I interrupted. Cecilia and Murphy both turned to face me. “How the fuck did you know what to tell them?”

The redhead grinned, shrugged, and winced from the pain of shrugging. “I just tried to think of what Murphy would’ve said.”

“Funny, I tried to think of what you would’ve said,” Murphy raised his eyebrows. Her grin got bigger.

“Yeah, I know. So I just told them what I would’ve said.” Her nose crinkled as she laughed while Murphy looked torn between being proud and annoyed.

“You’re both fucking nuts,” I laughed.

Romeo went over, kissed Cecilia’s head, and then gave her the bag of clothes.

“They said I should be able to go home in like an hour,” she said thankfully.

She was right. In an hour, the nurse came back with her discharge papers, a wheelchair, and said she’d wait outside while Cecilia got changed. Romeo and I waited outside while Murphy helped her out of the hospital gown and into the clothes we had grabbed.

We heard a commotion inside as Cecilia tried to fight the wheelchair. The nurse glanced at me to see if she should be concerned. I waved her off with a smile, listening to the lovebirds bickering. “They’re just loud people,” I explained. “Irish.”

After a few minutes, Murphy opened the door and pushed Cecilia out in the wheelchair. She looked extremely displeased. Like a cat that had been thrown in a lake. Murphy smiled pleasantly, eyebrows raised to ask if we were leaving. We checked out at the front desk and got some pain medication for her for the next few days. (With the strict order of no drinking, repeated three times after noticing that we were Irish. Our reputations precede us.)

As soon as we were outside of the doors, Cecilia practically jumped up out of the chair. The nurse that had been looking after us laughed, took the chair back from Murphy and told us to have a good night. Before Cecilia was able to protest, Murphy scooped her up.

“I can walk!”

“You’re injured,” Murphy replied simply. He’s going to enjoy teasing the shit out of her for the next few days. I lit a cigarette as we walked back to the car to drive back to the apartment.


	40. Sanctuary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sanctuary" by Aly & AJ

It’s been a week and a half since I had surgery and the doctor cleared my stitches were finally being taken out today. Murphy was driving me insane by not letting me do pretty much anything. But I knew it was because he loved me, even if it drove me fucking insane.

The nurse finished drawing my blood to check my iron levels to be sure that nothing was amiss. She insisted I’d be able to wait for the results in the waiting room so I flipped through a magazine while trying to ignore Connor staring at me. I finally huffed and closed it, staring at him back.

“Ye know Murphy’s only trying to help,” he smirked. I slapped him with the magazine. Not hard, but enough to make me feel better before flicking it back open and ignoring him again.

“McCarthy?” a nurse smiled as he walked over to us.

“Oh thank god,” I muttered, standing a little too fast and getting lightheaded. Connor steadied me by grabbing my elbow.

“Are you the fiance?”

“No, brother of the fiance,” Connor corrected.

“Ah, that complicates things.”

“What? Is my blood low? Do I need a transfusion? Am I dying?” I asked, attempting to be humorous. He hesitated, looking back and forth at us.

“Do you want him to know?”

“I’ll tell him in about five seconds so it’ll save me some time if you just tell us both.”

“Well, your levels are good. You’re pregnant though, so congratulations on that.”

I must have misheard him. After a few seconds, I leaned in closer, paying extra close attention to his lips as I asked him to repeat that.

“You’re pregnant? It’s impressive, really. I’ve never seen a baby survive that kind of trauma. It must be because you’re so early along--”

I had blocked him out and was sitting back down.

“Cecilia,” Connor snapped in front of my face. I’m going to have to tell Kelly and Declan that I was shot but I’m okay  _ and _ that they’ll have a new sibling. “Do you want an ultrasound?”

“Should I?” I asked, unable to put my thoughts into any sort of order. He sighed.

“Yeah, make sure she’s okay. I’ll go call my brother while ye take care of that,” he ordered. The nurse led me to one of the other floors, trying to make some small talk.

“No offense, but I’m trying to figure out how to tell my twin eight year olds that mommy was shot and is pregnant when I was just supposed to be on fucking vacation. Oh, and that mommy and daddy are engaged now,” I added, realizing that that was yet another thing they didn’t know. I felt immensely guilty. Usually they’re kept in the loop of everything. But they are just kids, they can’t literally know everything the instant it happens. And telling them a week later won’t make it any more or less true.

I need a drink. I can’t have a drink. Oh god, did I drink a lot when I was already pregnant? That’s not fucking good for it.

The nurse had me sit down while he talked to the receptionist to order an ultrasound. He must have called down to the front desk because Connor came and sat down a few minutes later.

“I’m a terrible mom,” I said finally.

“Ye are not,” he scoffed. “Murphy will be here in about ten minutes.”

“You told him?”

“I just told him he should be here. The rest is on ye to tell.”

“I just left them for a whole month.”

“Cecilia, cut yourself some slack.”

“I’m almost thirty seven. Isn’t that old to have a kid?”

Connor slowly looked up from his newspaper and stared at me. I scoffed.

“It’s different for you guys--you can be as old as you want when you have kids. You don’t do any of the carrying, you just shoot some sperm in and then the woman’s body has to deal with the rest.”

“What exactly did I walk into?” Murphy asked, standing there looking bemused. Connor immediately stood.

“And this is where I draw the line on being involved in yer relationship,” he announced, waving his pack of cigarettes in the air, stopping to talk to a pretty nurse before winking and heading outside.

“You should sit,” I said.

“Ye look serious. Are ye okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. There is one thing though,” I tried to find the right way to tell him. “You remember before we left for here? In the barn.”

“Yeah, of course I remember,” he said, exasperated that I would even insinuate he’d forget us having sex in a barn.

“You remember we didn’t use anything that night?”

Realization crossed his face as he put his hand on my stomach. I nodded, shrugging slightly. Murphy immediately grinned, looking positively excited, and kissed me. 

“I’m gonna be a dad. Again. But properly this time. We’ll have to get a house. And get married! I’ll have to get a job. We’re going to live in Ireland, right? Da and your mom--”

“Okay, one thing at a time,” I laughed, grabbing his hands. “We have like eight months to figure that out if my math is right. As long as nothing is wrong.”

“It’s Irish, nothing can be wrong.”

I shook my head, smiling at him. God I love this man.

A doctor came over to bring us back into the ultrasound room. She had me lay back on the bed and pull up my shirt, unbutton my pants, and pull them down slightly so that my stomach was fully exposed. After that, she squirted out some gel onto my abdomen and began the ultrasound, using the wand to look around and make sure everything looked okay.

“Somehow that bullet missed the babies entirely,” she said surprised. She paused on the heartbeats, looking pleased that they were strong.

“Babies? Twins?” Murphy asked, looking beyond excited again.

“Murph, love, that’s three heartbeats,” I said after a second. He looked at me and then the doctor. She nodded, pointing to the screen and counting them.

“Three,” she confirmed.

“Three,” Murphy repeated, sitting back in his chair.

“Fucking Irish fertility,” I laughed while he let out an excited whoop and ran out of the room to find Connor.

“First kids?”

“No, we have two other kids. Twins. We were separated for most of it so he’s extra excited now,” I admitted. “And he’s a twin, so he’s going to tell his twin that he’s done better than twins this time.”

She stared at me, not quite sure what to say.

“Yeah, we’re a weird family and we’ve done just about everything out of order. Maybe I’ll write a book about it someday.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for it. It sounds like an eventful life.”

“It has been and I don’t think that’s about to stop any time soon,” I grinned. I motioned to my stomach to ask if I was done.

“Yeah, here’s a towel. I’ll be at the desk when you’re done getting cleaned up.”

“Thanks.”

The twins were in the waiting room by the time I came out to check out. They were standing with a few other men singing in Gaelic. Most of the staff had stopped to see what was going on. When Murphy noticed me, he came over and pulled me into a kiss, causing Connor and the other Irishmen that they had  _ somehow _ found to cheer. As we were leaving, the men all patted us on the back and offered congratulations and traditional colloquialisms in Gaelic.

Having these babies is going to be a lot different than having Kelly and Declan. And a lot more exhausting...but also a lot more fun.


	41. Never Let This Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Never Let This Go" by Paramore

“You promise you’ll call and write?” Romeo pouted, hugging me again. I laughed, hugging him a little tighter. He had decided to stay in Boston and work for his uncle. Connor, Murphy, and I, however, decided to head back to Ireland. I didn’t want to stay in Boston any longer than necessary. Murphy didn’t really seem to care where we were as long as he got to be with the kids and I. And I think Connor just wanted to stay with us. So back to Ireland.

“I promise,” I smiled at him. “And you promise you’ll come to Ireland, right?”

“I promise,” he echoed, grinning. He then moved on to hug the boys, forcing them into a hug at the same time. They protested, loudly, but patted him on the back, looking a bit more teary-eyed than normal.

“Oh come on, ye big saps,” Connor said, pretending to be a tough guy. Murphy shoved him lightly.

“The only sap I see is ye.”

“Oh I’m gonna miss you guys,” Romeo wailed, drawing all three of us into a hug.

“Way to go Connor, you big sap,” I teased.

“I’m going to forever be outnumbered now,” Connor said sadly.

“Yes, you probably are. We have to get going though, the boat’s leaving in a few hours and you know how they get about stowaways being late.”

“Yeah, yeah,” the twins mumbled.

“You’re going to be okay, Romeo?”

He sniffed. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

I smiled, pulling him into another hug. “You are always more than welcome to stay with us no matter where we are. Got it?”

“Got it. Don’t go getting shot or kidnapped again.”

“I can’t make any promises. I seem to only get shot or kidnapped when I’m around them.” The boys stopped gathering our bags long enough to let out a string of indignancies--most of which were just strings of profanity. Romeo and I laughed in return, causing them to grumble and resume their task. 

The guns and ammunition had all been returned to the Irish arms dealer that we had gotten them from so that they could be destroyed and recycled. Except for Connor’s fucking rope. That was packed in one of his bags. So we didn’t have to worry about trying to smuggle them anywhere or dump them into the ocean or anything. (The boys had suggested it, but I protested loudly enough until they could be bothered to return them instead.) Romeo also opted to keep his guns.

And then we were in a taxi and travelling out of the city to the docks. Murphy and Connor were being overly sweet, which I both enjoyed and found equally annoying. I wasn’t allowed to carry anything heavier than a gallon of milk according to them. (Even when I had called the doctor and she agreed that I was fine to carry a suitcase within reason. “Within reason” to the twins means almost nothing with as unreasonably stubborn as they are.)

Eventually I gave up trying to help at all and just secured us a decent spot to stay in for the next few days. The boys eventually made their way back with our things, collapsing on the floor from the effort.

“Would’ve been easier if ye weren’t such an old man,” Murphy grumbled at Connor.

“I’m only ten minutes older than ye!”

“So ye admit it  _ isn’t _ a big deal that ye’re older?”

“Cecilia, stop rubbing off on Murphy.”

“Hey, I did nothing. I’m just over here enjoying this nice comfortable cot,” I shot back with a yawn.

“Ye’re still a bad influence.”

“I think ye’re talking about yourself,” Murphy countered, pushing himself up and off of the ground. He came over and laid on the cot with me, being careful not to crush me in the process. Connor, however, opted to remain on the ground for theatrics.

“He’s going to love having kids around all the time,” I laughed.

“Hey, I can hear ye,” Connor replied indignantly. Murphy and I both laughed. Maybe I was imagining it, but they both seemed a lot more relaxed now that we were leaving Boston. I know I’m definitely a lot more relaxed by the thought of never seeing that fucking city again in my life.

As the ship began to pull out into the ocean, I drifted off to sleep feeling much more at peace than the last time I left.

* * *

_ “Cecilia, sleepyhead, wake up,” a gentle voice called to me from the darkness. I groaned. _

_ “Five more minutes,” I snuggled into the bed, pulling the comforter up over my shoulder. _

_ The voice laughed. I felt the mattress compress beside me as someone smoothed my hair back from my face. Disgruntled, I opened my eyes. My dad was sitting there beside me, smiling down at me lovingly. He looked just like I remembered him. As gracefully as I could, I threw myself at him. He felt solid. Real. But this had to be a dream. _

_ “It is a dream, love, but that doesn’t make it less real,” he whispered as he hugged me closer to him. I didn’t want to let go of him in case I woke up. “I am so proud of you, Cecilia.” He pulled away slightly to kiss my forehead, cupping the side of my face with his hand. “Ye’ve looked after yer mum so well. Even when she didn’t make that easy.” _

_ “You know how mom is.” He laughed. _

_ “Trust me, I know how ye mom is.” He put his hand on my stomach. “Ye’re a good mum. And ye’ll still be a good mum after they’re born. And Murphy’ll be a good da. You just have to let him figure out how first.” _

_ I laughed. “That does sound like me.” _

_ “He’s a good guy. Reminds me of someone.” _

_ “Probably yourself,” I rolled my eyes. He laughed. “You’d have liked him. Connor, too.” _

_ “I do like them. I watch everything ye do.” _

_ “I keep trying to tell her that but she never fucking listens to me!” Rocco grinned, throwing himself onto me for a hug. Dad laughed. _

_ “Rocco!” _

_ “Yeah, yeah, I’m still around. Your dad is a fucking funny guy. I know where you get it from now.” _

_ I rolled my eyes but I couldn’t stop smiling as I held their hands. I didn’t want to wake up, but I knew that I had to. _

_ “Ye can’t stay here forever,” my dad nodded with a chuckle. _

_ “I know but five more minutes?” _

_ He kissed my forehead while Rocco kissed my cheek. _

* * *

My eyes flew open into the darkness. I was crying. Murphy was sitting up and looking so concerned. Instead of trying to explain, I let out a sob and threw myself at him, crying my eyes out.

“Is she okay?” Connor asked sleepily from the nearby cot.

“I have no idea,” Murphy answered honestly, rubbing my back. Eventually I stopped trying to explain until I was done. After a few minutes of silence, Murphy stopped rubbing my back and looked down at me. “Are ye okay?”

“I had a dream about Rocco and my dad.” I teared up again, missing them terribly and thinking of how unfair it was that they weren’t still here. Hastily, I tried to rub the tears away before they started again. Murphy pulled me back into his chest and wrapped his arms around me to comfort me. As calmly as I could I began to explain my dream. The boys listened quietly. “I know, it sounds crazy. But it felt so real.”

“It’s as real as anything else,” Connor spoke finally. “We have dreams like that about our mother all the time. She just pops in to say hello and give us a scolding if we need it.”

“Or deserve it,” Murphy added, rubbing my back lightly. “She’s fond of you.”

“Dad’s fond of you, too. And Connor,” I added. 

“‘Course he is, we’re fecking brilliant,” Connor declared. “Now go back to sleep. The old men are tired.”

Murphy shook his head while I tried not to laugh. I laid back down and Murphy wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. As I fell asleep, my heart felt just a little bit lighter.


	42. Dear Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Heart" by Meg & Dia

The next few days on the ship were pretty laid back. Murphy and Connor helped around the ship as the price for our voyage while I just laid around and read or wrote most of the time. It was very relaxing after the last very stressful month.

And, before we knew it, we were already back in Ireland. Murphy and Connor grabbed our bags while I led the way off of the ship, scanning the small crowd of people for someone we knew.

“Holy shit,” I said, coming to a stop and causing Murphy to run into me. He started to give me hell but I waved my hand, pointing over to a secluded area that people weren’t really going to. I recognized Tyler and Noah first. Eunice with her new dark hair second. And Paul Smecker in a wheelchair third.

The twins looked just as confused as we walked over to the small group. Eunice saw us first, greeting us with hugs. She hugged me last, studying me after hugging me.

“Something’s different about you,” she observed. “But what is it?”

“She got shot,” Connor interjected helpfully. I put my head in my hands.

“What? How could you let her get shot?” Smecker asked incredulously.

“Not that we aren’t glad to see you, but how come ye’re not dead?” Murphy countered, one eyebrow raised as he looked between Smecker and Eunice.

“Long story.”

“He faked his death to everyone, including me, so that he could get away with helping you,” Eunice supplied.

“Okay, it’s not that long.”

Tyler was studying me suspiciously before reaching over and giving my abdomen a gentle squeeze. He knew based on his face. I nodded slightly, causing him to raise an eyebrow at Murphy. With an eye roll, I wiggled my ring finger. A grin spread across his face. He was pleased by this development. I smiled slightly before that smile faltered a bit. I had to tell him about Adam and Caleb at some point.

“Look, as sweet as this reunion is, we should really get going. It looks like it’s going to rain,” Eunice interrupted the conversations.

“It’s almost always raining here,” Smecker raised his hands in exasperation. She rolled her eyes before pushing him towards what I assume was the car. Tyler took one of the bags from Murphy so that he could hold my hand as we followed them to the cars. Tyler was driving one car while Eunice was driving the other.

“I’ll go with Eunice and Smecker that way you guys can catch up with your dad,” I offered.

“Are ye sure?” Murphy asked. I smiled.

“I’m sure, it’s only for like an hour. I’m sure you’ll survive without me.” He leaned down and kissed me before going over to help Tyler and Connor with the bags. Tyler frowned slightly, probably a bit confused I wasn’t going with him. Even Eunice and Smecker looked surprised when I climbed into the back of their car.

“This is a surprise,” Smecker squinted into the back. He went to light a cigarette but Eunice snatched the lighter from him. “What the fuck did I do?”

“She’s pregnant. You’ll survive an hour,” Eunice said dismissively as she pocketed the lighter. Smecker sat up a little straighter.

“No shit? Again? Wait, how did you notice and I didn’t?”

Eunice rolled her eyes as she pulled out onto the road after Tyler. “Because I wasn’t fawning over the boys. How did Tyler know?”

“Probably because my pants barely fit now,” I shrugged. “He’s oddly perceptive most of the time.”

“Twins again?”

“Triplets.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Smecker whistled. “Last ones?”

“I fucking hope so. When I pictured having kids, 5 was not the number I pictured.”

“Luck o’ the Irish.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Yeah, I guess it was. I pulled out my phone and opened the browser. It’s a lot slower than my laptop but it at least works. I’ve put off looking into Adam and Caleb for a while. Since they were dead, my best bet was to try and find Jess. And I admit that I feel a little safer trying to find her when I’m not in America.

It didn’t take me very long until I found her obituary. I felt my blood go cold as I read it. She had been diagnosed with cancer shortly after Tyler had moved to Germany with me. Slowly I kicked off my shoes, pulling my knees up to my chest to balance my phone on. I felt Smecker watching me in the mirror but pretended not to notice. 

The obituary said that she was survived by her husband Caleb and her parents. They found the cancer when she miscarried. It made me a little sad to learn that she had died. Jess was always very sweet--just also shy. I never got to know her as well as I would have liked. And then I left anyway. So it didn’t really matter. Just another person I’ve known that left the world far too soon. 

From there I started looking for information on Caleb. There wasn’t much. Even less on Adam. Certainly nothing to connect the dots on my end.

“You okay back there, sunshine?” Smecker asked, his green eyes staring intently. I exited the browser on my phone and turned it off altogether. 

“Do you remember the guys that were in the band with Tyler and I?”

“Caleb and Adam,” he nodded. “I followed all of you for a while before I worked up the courage to talk to Connor and Murphy. Why?”

“They were at the last job. Adam’s actually the one that shot me.”

“I can’t say I’m totally surprised,” Smecker pursed his lips together in a thin line, clearly thinking about something from eight years ago. “Adam got involved in some petty crimes. Small things that paid okay. The kind of things that people who don’t want to actually be a criminal get involved with.”

I looked at him in surprise.

“Apparently he got deeper in it instead of out of it. Something must have happened to change him.”

“Something like me stealing his boyfriend away to Germany to be a platonic co-parent even though he thought Tyler was in love with me?”

“That’s a very specific something, but yes,” Eunice nodded. Smecker agreed.

“What happened to Caleb?” Smecker questioned, sounding like an FBI agent again.

“I tried to grab him to distract Adam since I didn’t think he’d ever hurt Caleb. But he shot Caleb instead. The bullet went through him and into me. Murphy killed Adam.”

“He’d have come after you again if he hadn’t.”

“I know. I just don’t understand how it happened. Or why.”

“You might not ever know.”

I said nothing, looking out the window at the scenery. Spring was coming to an end. It’s almost summer here now. Murphy, the kids, and I will have to go on some nice hikes before I end up on bedrest. Twins were bad enough. I expect triplets to be murder.

“It is too fucking quiet in here,” Eunice announced, turning on the radio. Smecker immediately made a noise of disgust and turned the dial. She glared, turning it back. He went to turn it again and she swatted his hand away, giving him a threatening glare.

“Or what, you’ll push me out of my wheelchair?”

“You don’t even need the wheelchair.”

“Wait, your disguise was slightly shorter hair and a wheelchair?”

“It’s been working marvelously. And I at least didn’t have to destroy my wonderful hair.” He ran his fingers through his hair, looking delighted with himself while Eunice looked very unamused, likely missing her natural hair color. I rolled my eyes. They fight like Murphy and Connor.

They continued to bicker, causing the rest of the drive to go by quickly. I suspect some of it from Smecker was theatrical for my benefit (and also the benefit of annoying Eunice, who didn’t know he was alive all that time).

Smecker helped me out of the car, an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. Murphy and Connor looked at him in shock. 

“He’s fecking walking,” Murphy pointed, looking at Connor and then to me in confusion.

“What? Haven’t you ever seen a man walk before?” Then he turned to me: “where did you find these guys? They seem a little off.”

“Probably throwing themselves through windows one too many times.”

“Again?” Smecker looked at Eunice once more. “You’re supposed to improve their finesse, not encourage this bad movie vigilante bullshit.”

Eunice groaned, linked arms with me, and then began walking to the house with me. “Yes I am using you as a human shield and no I am not proud of it.” I raised my eyebrows at her. “Sorry, that was insensitive. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s fine,” I smiled, patting her on the arm. “You’re welcome to use me as a buffer any time you need me.”

“Don’t tell me that, I’ll actually take you up on it.”

Before we even got halfway to the door, Kelly and Declan ran outside ahead of my mom, who was yelling at them to put shoes on. I knelt down as they threw their arms around me and hugged them tightly.

“Mom!” they cried in unison. They then noticed Murphy and ran over to him, surprising him by throwing themselves at him as well. Eunice helped me up after noticing me wince slightly.

“You’re wincing, why are you wincing?” Mom asked, looking me over as if I was going to spontaneously combust or bleed.

“She got shot,” Noah supplied as he walked over carrying one of my bags. “I’ll put it in Murphy’s room for now.” I nodded gratefully as mom pulled me into a hug.

“You could’ve died!”

“I lived--I’d also prefer that the kids not know about it.” Mom pulled away teary eyed. I squeezed her hands. “I’m fine, really. I might need your help still, though, if you’re okay with living with us here.”

She perked up, clearly not expecting that. “What on earth could you need me for--oh. OH! You have to tell the kids.”

“Let’s wait a few days, yeah?”

“Can I start shopping?”

“Just get three of everything.” She looked at me in surprise.

“Three?”

“Three.”

“Oh my. That’s a big increase. Are you sure?”

“Bloodwork and ultrasound.”

“Three. Names?”

“Haven’t really had time but we’ll run them by you when we get the chance.”

“Oh I’ll think of some, too.” She then noticed my hand.

“Yeah, that too.”

“Before or after you were shot?”

“Before.”

“Good, it’s authentic then.”

“O’ course it’s authentic,” Noah said gruffly as he came back out on the porch. He then surprised me by drawing me into a hug. “He’d be a fecking fool otherwise.”

“Yeah, but he’s my fool,” I smiled, looking over to see the boys coming over, Kelly on Murphy’s back and Declan on Connor’s.

After a big dinner that night, Murphy and I squeezed onto his small bed upstairs. Declan and Kelly insisted on sleeping on the floor in our room that night instead of their own beds, so they were sharing a cot next to the bed. The excitement of the day had worn them out and they were already both asleep.

“That was one hell of a welcome home,” I murmured.

“It was,” he agreed. I glanced up at him.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’ve always wanted a big family,” he admitted. “Never told Connor because he’d never let me hear the end of it. But I’ve thought of it since I was a kid. I’m just glad it’s with ye.” He got a bit teary eyed. We had been very close to never reconnecting. Close to him never knowing about the twins. I held him a little more tightly.

“We’ll always find each other. This is just how it’s meant to be.” 

He kissed the top of my head. “I love ye, Cecilia.”

“I love you, too, Murphy.”


	43. Back to Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Back to Forever" by Lissie

The next few days involved Murphy, Connor, and I trying to adjust to the timezone change. It doesn’t get any easier the more that I do this. In fact, it seems to get harder the older that I am. I was also starting to get  _ very _ nauseous in the mornings. But today we were going to tell the kids that I was pregnant--and that we’d be getting married at some point. I didn’t really expect them to have any issues with this. Kelly and Declan have taken to Murphy and his family pretty quickly. But they’re good kids.

“You ready?” I asked Murphy as he pulled his shirt over his head. He glanced back at me but said nothing. I kissed his cheek. “I don’t think they’ll put up a fuss at all. They might even be excited.”

“That means mom wants to talk to us,” Declan said from the doorway. Kelly was at his side, her head tilted curiously.

“What’d you do?” Kelly finally asked, narrowing her eyes. Murphy couldn’t help himself and started laughing, elbowing me in the side.

“Wonder who she gets that from?” he asked, teasing me. I rolled my eyes, biting back my own laughter.

“Alright, alright,” I started herding everyone downstairs. “Living room.”

Declan and Kelly went out into the living room, throwing themselves onto the couch and startling Tyler, who had been reading a newspaper.

“Sorry, Uncle Ty,” the twins said in unison. Tyler composed himself and laughed before going back to his newspaper.

“So,” I started, trying to think of what to say. “You guys are fine with your dad being around permanently, right?”

Kelly and Declan exchanged looks that clearly read that they thought I was crazy. They didn’t dignify it with an answer, looking back to me to see if I was joking.

“That’s a yes, right? Humor me.”

“Yes, mom,” they sighed. Tyler was pretending not to listen but was very clearly enjoying the kids making me squirm. He knows I’m not great at talks like these. I’m much happier just letting the kids be in their own little happy bubble most of the time.

“Well, that’s good. We’ll be getting married.”

They got really excited at that, perking up.

“Really? Oh, there’s going to be a wedding!” Kelly tapped Declan excitedly.

“Yes, Kel, I heard. I’m  _ right _ here,” he rolled his eyes but grinned.

“Those are good reactions,” Murphy laughed, relaxing a bit and leaning back on the couch. Now the surprise.

“You’ll also be getting some new siblings,” I said. Tyler hid his face, trying to hide his laughter. I threw a pillow at him.

“Twins, like us?” Declan questioned.

“Triplets,” I replied as if it were a question itself. Kelly and Declan turned away from us, talking in hushed tones as if this was some kind of negotiation for them to win.

“That’s acceptable but we demand the bigger bedroom,” Kelly crossed her legs.

“We’re going to build a house on grandda’s land so ye’ll have your own rooms,” Murphy interjected helpfully. He had surprised me with that one the other night. I loved that he wanted to stay near his family--and that he took the initiative to clear it with Noah. They were going to go file all of the necessary paperwork to section off a plot of land with its own address and everything. It was nice to have someone to do the not so fun work with me. He’s a good partner.

They exchanged looks, whispered again, and nodded. “We accept those terms.”

“You’ve been hanging around Adrienne too much,” I laughed. The twins shrugged.

“Can we go play with Erik?”

“Yes, yes, go bother Uncle Connor while you’re at it.”

“Yes!” the twins said excitedly while taking off while they could. Tyler finally put down the newspaper, giggling to himself.

“You can wrangle grown men with guns, no problem, but you get bowled over by a pair of eight year olds every time.” I threw the other pillow at him, which he caught effortlessly.

“Shut up,” I grumbled. I didn’t really have a good rebuttal for that simply because it was true.

“Can I get ye anything?” Murphy asked quietly, rubbing my back. I was currently stationed in the upstairs bathroom with terrible morning sickness. We’ve been back a few days now. But instead of enjoying being back, I was dealing with terrible morning sickness. 

I groaned in response. The twins hadn’t been this bad. Slowly I laid down next to the toilet, hugging my legs to my chest. He wasn’t deterred by my groan and kept rubbing my back helpfully.

“You okay, Cecilia?” Tyler asked from the doorway. I was supposed to be starting back at work today.

More nausea. Murphy quickly grabbed my hair as I sat up and threw up into the toilet again.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no.’”

“I think she’s gonna need a minute,” Murphy said, readjusting his grip on my hair. Tyler must have nodded and gone to work because he was gone when I sat up. Murphy kissed my head and stood before helping me up. He assisted me with undressing and then got me into the shower before going to make us some coffee and toast.

I showered until I felt less gross, brushed my teeth, and then went downstairs where Murphy was finishing with our toast.

“Ye look like ye got hit by a bus,” Connor grinned helpfully. I glared but said nothing, sitting at the table and practically chugging my coffee. This pregnancy is going to be rough. 

“Toast?” Murphy asked before handing it to me.

“Thanks.”

“Whoa, mom what happened?” Kelly asked as she walked in with Declan, both looking very concerned.

“I just feel a little sick this morning,” I smiled. 

“Oh, from the babies?” Declan questioned.

“Ye’re smart kids,” Connor noted. “Ye get that from yer mum.” Murphy threw a chunk of butter at Connor in response. “Ye’re also nice like yer mum.”

I surprised Connor by picking the butter up off of the table and tossing it at him again.

“That’s just rude.”

“A habit I’ve picked up from you,” I yawned with a stretch as I stood up. I had managed to eat half of the toast. I kissed Murphy and put the uneaten piece of toast on Connor’s head as I walked out the door and down to the dig site.

Adrienne was waiting in her office tent for me. She pulled me into a tight hug when she saw me. “I thought you’d never come back to us!” she smiled, hugging me again immediately. “It’s been so quiet here without you. Now, sit, tell me all about your trip.”

Ha. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t believe me if I told her half of what had happened. Most people wouldn’t. It’s pretty wild to actually stop and think about it. So, I told her some of what happened, leaving out all of the ‘gratuitous violence’ as Murphy called it. Naturally it ended with showing her the ring and pointing to my rapidly expanding midsection.

“Yeah, I didn’t really expect you to come back pregnant again. So I have a bottle of whiskey for you. But I’m sure your fiancé will enjoy it instead, yes?”

“Of course, he’s Irish,” I laughed. “I appreciate it. I’m sure Murphy will as well.”

“Now, we want to throw you a big dinner. All of you. I assume that Murphy and the other one talk more than their dad?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Connor would be so hurt by being referred to as ‘the other one.’ “The other one is Connor. And, yes, they both talk a lot more than Noah. He doesn’t really say much to anyone but the kids. And Mom. But you know she’ll make anyone talk to her.”

“Either from a genuinely pleasant conversation or nagging them into it.”

“Exactly.”

“Well you just let me know what everyone likes and we’ll put something together.”

“Speaking from experience, Connor and Murphy will eat just about anything. You know what Kelly and Declan like. I’m not entirely sure about Noah but he hasn’t complained about anything Mom has served him. So I can’t imagine he’s that picky either.” I mean, he was in prison for a long time, so I’m sure almost anything is better than what he was served there. But that was an entirely different can of worms Adrienne would probably never know.

“Paul and Eunice?”

“That I’m not sure and I can find out.”

Adrienne nodded and then gave me my tasks for the day. Mostly administrative stuff. “Oh, and one more thing,” she said as I was leaving. “I’m just going to permanently move your shift start back an hour. Just tell me if you need more time. And by tell me, I mean use Tyler as a messenger.”

“I heard that!” Tyler yelled from outside. Adrienne and I laughed. It felt good to be home again.


	44. Feels Like Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Feels Like Forever" by Lacey Sturm

“Hey, are you busy?” I asked Tyler. He was in his tent reading on his cot.

“No, why? What’s up. Why do you look so serious?” he asked, sitting up and tucking his long hair behind his ears.

I pushed his legs over to sit beside him and stared at him. “I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a bitch.”

“That’s stopped you before?”

“On occasion. When was the last time you talked to Adam?”

“Not since he visited us in Germany. He made it pretty clear he was done being the ‘third wheel.’ Whatever that meant. Why? Did you run into him?”

“I did,” I began slowly. “He’s dead now. I’m sorry, Tyler.”

Tyler inhaled, held it, and then exhaled slowly. “How?”

I looked at him sadly before explaining what had happened. Tyler sat there quietly the entire time, watching me speak. After I finished, we sat there in silence for a long time.

“That’s now how I expected any of this to end when we first met,” he finally spoke. His eyes were wet with tears. I said nothing, allowing him to continue. “That’s how you ended up in the hospital?”

I nodded.

He shook his head, suddenly angry. “I told him to stop fucking around with those people before I left.” He ran his hand through his hair as he stood and began pacing. It was something Tyler does when he thinks things through. “It’s part of why I left. You needed help and someone to be there and Adam was becoming someone I didn’t like. It was easy.” He sat back down, burying his head in his hands. “Fuck. Would it have changed if I had stayed?”

He choked back a sob. I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly as he cried. I was honestly more upset by this than I had been about being shot. Getting shot had been something I had expected out of Boston. Something I had prepared myself for. Breaking my best friend in the entire world’s heart was not something I had ever prepared for. I wanted to take it all away for him. But I knew that I couldn’t. And I shouldn’t. It was something he had to go through thanks to Adam’s decisions.

“I don’t blame Murphy,” he said finally, looking at me with bloodshot eyes. “Or you.” He cupped my face with his hands, kissing my forehead. “You’re my sister, Cecilia. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing.”

I pulled him into another hug.

A few days later, Tyler and I were at a small river in the woods nearby. Mom, Noah, and Murphy were watching after Kelly and Declan. Well, they were probably watching Declan more accurately. Kelly had probably abandoned them to hang out with Connor and the sheep. I swear we can’t ever keep her inside any more.

“You ready?” I asked Tyler, putting a hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at me, letting out a deep sigh. He was holding a box with some belongings of Adam’s he had kept. We sat on a few rocks by the river as he opened it. There wasn’t much inside. Some pictures of the two of them together, flyers and CDs from our band, and a few letters.

Tyler ran his fingers over one of the group photos of us. We were sweaty, a little drunk, but all smiling. Caleb, Jess, Adam, Tyler, Aidan, and I. It was shortly after our first show. Caleb and Jess had just started seeing each other. We were so young. Aidan looked happy to be with me and I was wearing my engagement ring.

“How did you do it?” he asked quietly.

“Do what?”

“How did you move on from Aidan?”

“It was a lot easier once he was dead,” I answered honestly. He looked surprised. “Then it was a lot less of wondering if he’d come to his senses some day and make some big grandiose declaration of love. Instead, he just didn’t exist any more.” I watched the water for a few moments. “Love isn’t easy. And it isn’t simple. It’s not so black and white about what we will and won’t tolerate from other people. Sometimes we love them in spite of these things, even if we aren’t with them any more. Or if we aren’t in contact with them.”

I looked over to find him watching me. “You always know what to say. You should’ve been a writer.”

“No, I just write in my journals. And research papers,” I laughed, bumping my shoulder against his. He smiled, pulling out another photo. This time it was Tyler, Murphy, and I. “I didn’t even know you had this. Or that this picture existed. What was I doing with my hair?”

He laughed. “You were trying to convince yourself that you could wear it straight through concerts and summer humidity in Boston.”

“Don’t ever let me do that again.”

The next photo was Tyler with Adam. They had their arms around each other, smiling. It was shortly before I found out about Connor and Murphy’s illegal activities. Before everything changed. It felt like forever ago.

Tyler said nothing and continued to go through the photos until he found a photo of them in Germany. I remembered this one. They had been bickering nonstop so Klaus took a photo to try to ‘encourage them to be in good moods.’ It didn’t work. It just created a very awkward photo to last a lifetime.

“This one,” he said immediately. “I hate this photo.”

I nodded and helped him put things back in the box. I pulled out a lighter I stole from Connor and handed it to him. He looked at it and then looked back at me with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah, it’s Connor’s. And yeah, he probably minds. I’ll put it back and make him think he was crazy and didn’t see it,” I waved Tyler off.

Tyler started laughing as he stood and stared at the picture for a long time. After a few moments, he lit the lighter and caught the edge of it on fire. He held onto it until it became too small to hold, dropping it into the river to be washed away into the sea. 

I could tell that he felt a little lighter as we walked back to the car.


	45. Here I Am Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Here I Am Alive" by Yellowcard

Adrienne got tired of waiting for me to figure out what everyone wanted for the welcome back dinner and either cornered people on her own or just decided things on her own. The latter was more likely, knowing her. We were all given strict instructions on when to show up for dinner tonight. Everyone was invited--even Erik the sheep, after Kelly threatened to cry out of protest.

Eunice looked up from sorting her papers. “Does this ever get any more interesting?”

“Not really unless you’re digging in the dirt,” I answered honestly. She groaned, clearly missing her adventurous life as an FBI agent. “We still appreciate your sacrifice.”

“I know, I know. I just didn’t realize that it would involve...this.”

“To be fair, I didn’t expect to be here at this point in my life either.”

“Fair enough.”

“Will you both pipe down, I’m trying to read over here,” Smecker sighed, throwing his head back.

“I don’t think gay erotica counts as reading,” Eunice rolled her eyes.

“I mean, it has words,” I shrugged. “Right?”

“Of course it has words. And other things.”

She and I exchanged glances, shook our heads, and went back to silently sorting the files Adrienne had given us. The historical records here haven’t even begun to be transferred to digital files. And they’ve been rifled through so much that they’re barely in any semblance of an order any more. That means they need to be sorted. And since Eunice has no training, I get to train her. Not that she really needs it, she’s smart enough to figure out most of this on her own. But it also gives Adrienne a break from these two bickering constantly.

“This is garbage,” Smecker suddenly declared, throwing it across the tent before throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m so fucking bored.”

“You could work,” Eunice pointed to the boxes we had yet to touch. He waved her off.

“I’m not that kind of bored where I need to be more bored. I’m just bored. What do people do around here?”

“Drink and eat,” I answered. “And play with sheep if you’re my kids, Murphy, or Connor.”

“That’s boring.”

“It’s quaint.”

“Quaint is boring. I want to go do something.”

“Like what? We’re pretty far from a city.”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

“Clearly,” Eunice mumbled. She threw herself back in her chair. “I need a fucking break. And a cigarette.”

“You guys could probably get some groceries or something in town,” I offered. “I’m sure Adrienne or my mom have something that needs done.”

“Say no more. I am everyone’s personal errand boy now,” Smecker declared and left the tent.

“Was that sarcasm or sincerity?”

“Sometimes I can’t tell,” Eunice shrugged before following him.

“Where are they going?” Tyler asked as he walked into the tent.

“They’re bored and Smecker doesn’t want to do menial work so they’re off to find errands to run in town.”

“I’m sure Adrienne will give them a lot to do so they’re out of her hair for a bit.”

I chuckled.

“Anyway, lunch time. I’ve commandeered you from the kids and Murphy for the afternoon.” I raised my eyebrows. He held up two paper bags. “Courtesy of Momma McCarthy.” I continued to stare at him. “Better not tell her I called her that.”

“She would not enjoy it,” I snickered. Tyler jiggled the bags in his hands while looking at me expectantly. I finished what I was doing and followed him obediently. He took me out to one of the hills by the farm that overlooked the valley the town was in. “It’s beautiful up here.”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it? It’s one of my favorite places here.”

“The river’s mine.”

“You’ve always liked water more than I have.”

“You’ve always been a city man.” I took a bite of the sandwich. Roast beef. My favorite. “Do you regret it?”

“Regret what?”

“Moving to Germany. Then Ireland. All of this,” I gestured vaguely back at the camp and the farmhouse.

“Never,” he shook his head. “You know I don’t have family that I’m close to. I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re my sister. I meant it.”

“I know you did. That doesn’t mean you can’t regret some things you’ve done for family.”

He shrugged. “I’d rather have the people to do the things that I regret for. But, no, I don’t regret it. And if you ask me one more time, Cec, I’m going to throw your roast beef down the hill.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“Jerk,” I laughed. He grinned and stole a piece of my sandwich. “Hey!” I stole a piece of his in retaliation. “Ew, turkey.”

“Murphy knew you’d hate it.”

I smiled. “He knows things sometimes. Just don’t tell him I said that.”

Tyler laughed. We finished our lunch in relative silence, watching the town bustle about. 

“You know you don’t have to dedicate your life to us. Not that I’m not grateful for your help. But you can make your own life.” Tyler turned and looked at me.

“Where are you going with this?”

“I’m just saying at some point when you’re ready, you’re allowed to date people. Get married. Or a civil partnership. Whatever they call it here.”

“I go on dates.”

“Oh, really? When was the last one?”

He got silent. “I guess it has been a while, huh?”

“Yeah, it has been. I don’t want you to not enjoy your life.”

“Point taken.”

“Good.” 

That afternoon, Adrienne made us stop working a few hours early. Murphy, Connor, Eunice, Smecker, and I were all exempt from putting in any work for the dinner party. Adrienne even got Noah to help, with some convincing from Mom. Even Kelly and Declan were roped into helping.

“Mom! Da!” Kelly and Declan yelled in unison as they ran into the house. “It’s time for dinner!”

Declan grabbed my hand while Kelly grabbed Murphy’s and they began to drag us towards the campsite. I tried not to laugh at how little they cared about making sure anyone else was following us.

“Well that’s some shit,” Connor laughed. Murphy looked at me, grinning. I took his hand with my free hand as we walked through the field. He inter-laced his fingers with mine.

The entire camp was rearranged so that most of the work tables were pushed together into two different sets. One had more food than I had ever seen in my life and the other had more chairs than I had ever seen together in person. Instead of the typical construction lights we had for nighttime digs, Adrienne had procured a ton of candles and lit the large bonfire. It looked magical in the approaching dusk.

“Holy shit,” I grinned, hugging Adrienne when I saw her. “This is amazing.”

“Well, I didn’t know when to stop,” she admitted, hugging me tightly. “I just want you to know you’re always welcomed and loved here. Even if you decide to go running off to America for a month at a time and can’t be bothered to call often.”

I smiled sheepishly. “I know. I’m a shit like that sometimes. Klaus gave me hell for it, too.”

“Good, someone had to. I’m glad he found you.” She glanced over at Murphy, who was laughing with the kids and Connor. “But you made the right choice. Even if you’re shit at communicating,” she grinned

I laughed, hugging her again.

“Now, let’s eat!”

We ate and drank well into the night. Even after Kelly and Declan fell asleep on Murphy and I. It was one of those nights that I knew would be one of my favorite nights for the rest of my life.


	46. Wildflowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Wildflowers" by Tom Petty

“Is it hot? I feel hot,” I complained as I fanned myself.

“Nope, it’s not hot,” Connor replied, raising his eyebrows at me. “Having a heatflash are ye?”

I didn’t have a good retort. “Shut up.” He laughed. I was wearing a pair of Tyler’s sweatpants. European men apparently don’t wear them. And none of my jeans fit any more. I need to go get maternity clothes, but I’ve been putting it off. I donated all of the ones I had accumulated in Germany before moving here. Getting pregnant again hadn’t been something I had prepared for.

“Are those my pants?” Tyler asked as he came in. I stopped fanning myself with my magazine and glared. “Oh, it’s one of those mornings, huh?”

“You’re an asshole,” I grumbled, going back to fanning myself. “You aren’t getting them back.”

“They’re probably why you’re warm.”

“You’re still not getting them back.”

“You need to buy actual maternity clothes.”

“Haven’t gotten there yet.”

“What’s wrong with today? It’s a Saturday?”

“I’m hot.”

“Probably hotter with proper clothes,” Connor interrupted. “Grab yer toast. We’re going shopping.”

“You’re up for that?”

“Ye always drag Murph with ye. I never get to leave this place. Let’s leave him here for once?”

I contemplated it for a few seconds before slapping the magazine down on the table. “Deal.” I grabbed my purse, following Connor to the door. “Going shopping with Connor, be back later!” I yelled up the stairs.

“What?” Murphy yelled, popping his head out of our bedroom door. I grinned, waving.

“I love you, be back soon,” and left before he could reply. 

Connor drove much more carefully than I was used to him driving. When he felt me staring, he pointed at my stomach. “Babies on board.” 

He then giggled to himself at his own joke. I rolled my eyes but smiled. I always thought Murphy would be good with kids. I didn’t expect Connor to also enjoy them--or to even be good at them. But I guess it makes sense in the fact that Connor somehow managed to retain a lot of childlike innocence that Murphy didn’t.

“What? Why are ye staring at me?”

“I was just thinking that it surprises me how good you are with Declan and Kelly,” I said truthfully. “I expected as much from Murphy but you surprised me.”

“It surprised me, too,” he said honestly. “But I guess I’m just full of surprises, aye?”

“Yeah, a regular box of mystery,” I laughed. Connor grinned. He’s one of the most straightforward people I’ve ever known. You always know where you stand with Connor.

The rest of the car ride was pleasant and it wasn’t too long until we got to the maternity store. It was a bit busier than I would’ve liked, but Connor wouldn’t hear about coming back later. So I had no choice but to go inside and at least look.

“What about these?” Connor asked, trying to be helpful and holding up a pair of cheetah print pants. I stared at him blankly, trying to figure out if he was kidding or not. Oh, dear lord, he wasn’t kidding. “That’s a no?”

“That’s a no,” I scrunched up my face as I shook my head slightly. “Black. Look for black clothes. Or grey. Neutrals.”

“Ye’re no fun.”

“I’m perfectly fine with that.” I looked around. This was a very effeminate store. Bane of my existence.

“Can I help ye with anything?” a saleswoman asked politely, looking from Connor to me and then back again.

“Do you have these in black? Or grey? Or anything neutral?” Connor asked, holding up the pants.

“And without the pattern,” I shook my head.

“Oh, yeah, we have a less colorful selection back here. How far along are ye?”

“About three months.”

She looked surprised. “Oh! Ye’re big for three months.”

“Triplet,” I laughed, patting my abdomen.

“Ye know how to shoot yer shot,” she laughed at Connor. The words took a few seconds to register in his mind.

“No, no, no,” he waved his hands. “I’m the uncle.”

“You gonna add any more no’s to that?” I tried not to laugh as I looked at him.

“I didnae mean it like that,” he backtracked. “Just, ye and Murph--oh fuck. Ye got me into this mess, help me out here, lass.”

“Sorry, usually only couples come in,” the girl giggled.

“I just wanted outta the house,” Connor grumbled. I snickered before elbowing him.

“You’re way too easy to pick on sometimes.” I smiled before throwing my arm around his side. He sighed, putting his arm around my shoulders.

“Ye’re just like the sister I never wanted but would’ve loved all the same.”

“Good.”

“Ye two are funny,” the saleswoman laughed. “Just let me know if you need anything else.”

“Will do,” Connor and I replied in unison. We began seriously searching through the racks. Eventually we found some stuff I didn’t hate. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to hold me over for now. Maternity clothes are all feminine and frilly. That’s never been my style so I’m not going to wear it now. Not when my body gets all weird and barely feels like my regular body.

“Oh good, ye found some things,” the saleswoman smiled as she checked us out. I paid for the items as Connor threw them into the reusable shopping bag we brought along. He even carried them out to the car for me.

“That was fun,” I smiled cheekily as we started going back home.

“Ye just liked taking the piss out of me,” Connor laughed.

“Yeah, I did.” We both laughed as Connor ruffled my hair slightly. “I did enjoy hanging out with you though. We don’t do this often enough.”

“No, we don’t.”

“We should make it a point to do things together. I mean, you’re going to be my official brother at some point. You’re already unofficially one.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Alright, we will then.”

“Good.”

We stopped and grabbed some sandwiches for lunch and headed back home. (I also grabbed some for Murphy and the kids.) It was late in the afternoon by the time we got back. Murphy and Tyler were outside with the kids. They were chasing the twins around, looking more winded than they would probably ever admit.

“Mom! Uncle Connor!” the twins said delightedly when they saw us. Declan and Kelly threw their arms around me for a big hug.

“I brought food,” I wiggled the bag in my hands.

“We’re hungry!”

“You’re always hungry.”

“Yeah, but we’re extra hungry now.”

“Uh huh,” I laughed. “Well go inside and wash your hands and then you can eat.”

“Okay!” they sang in unison before running inside. Murphy kissed me before peering into the bag.

“Yeah, I brought you food, too.” He kissed the side of my head, taking the bag happily and heading inside. I rolled my eyes with a smile. Some things will never change.


	47. Broken Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Broken Bones" by Chvrches

“You sure you’re okay with that?” Tyler asked, watching me move a box of files across the desk. I huffed, staring at him. He put his hands up in defense. “It’s just a question.”

“I didn’t ask for your questions,” I snapped. I could feel him staring at me but I did my best to ignore it.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“What’s to talk about?”

“Kelly didn’t listen to Murphy and broke her wrist while he and Connor were working on the house?”

“It’s fine, she’s fine.” I yanked a file out of the box. “I’m fine.”

“You’re definitely not fine.” I tried getting another file out of the box, cursing how full it was, and then immediately started crying. Tyler came over and gently took my hands off of the file and hugged me with a sigh, resting his chin on the top of my head. Eventually I stopped.

“I’m still fine,” I sniffed.

“You’re just worried that you weren’t there when it happened. It’s okay, Murphy took care of it. Kelly’s fine. Other than having to write with her other hand for a bit.”

I looked up at him with a pout. I’m six months pregnant, nobody gets to be reasonable with me. But he was right; I just wouldn’t admit it.

“Hey Mom,” Declan said as he entered before he tripped and fell on one of the light wires and landed on his arm. I heard the crack as he fell. He looked surprised and then started to cry. I got onto the ground as quickly as possible to soothe him. Tyler was already running towards the house. 

“It’s okay,” I rubbed his back. “Can I see it?”

Declan sniffed but nodded and held his arm out to me. I gently touched it. As soon as I touched his wrist, he pulled it away quickly.

“Alright, it looks like it’s either sprained or broken,” I told him calmly. Murphy hurried into the tent, wild eyed. “It’s a broken bone. Try not to freak out this time, yeah?”

Murphy didn’t get a chance to reply as Declan cut him off. “I want mom there, too.”

“I’ll go along, too.” Murphy helped me up before scooping up Declan and leading the way to the car. I waddled along behind them and got into the passenger seat. Murphy was a lot more calm this time as he drove to the hospital. The woman behind the desk recognized him.

“Oh, another one?”

“He tripped over some cables,” I answered. Declan looked at the hospital suspiciously. He hates doctors. “It’s okay, they just want to take a look at it and see what they can do to fix it.” Then, to the nurse, “he’s not fond of hospitals.” Takes after his dad, I added to myself silently. Murphy could clearly tell what I was thinking because he rolled his eyes at me.

“Right, well here’s a form and a doctor will be out shortly.”

We sat out in the lobby waiting for a few minutes until a doctor came out. Murphy helped me up out of the chair while Declan scurried along, trying to avoid being carried again. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Murphy looked unamused. I elbowed him. “Oh come on, papa, he’s fine. Kids break things.”

“I never broke any bones,” he frowned at me.

“Really?”

“Connor did. I didn’t.”

“I broke a lot of bones as a kid,” I shrugged. He noticed me beginning to struggle and linked my arm with his to provide support. The doctor and Declan were already waiting at the end of the hallway; the doctor observing us with a mixture of concern and amusement.

“How far along are ye?” the doctor asked kindly as he lifted Declan onto the patient bed effortlessly.

“A bit over six months.” He looked surprised. “Triplets.”

“Ye might want to consider taking it easy.” Murphy looked triumphant. We had been bickering about that for the last few weeks. Now I just stubbornly refuse to admit that he’s right. I sat down gratefully, not wanting to move any time soon.

“Alright, maybe I should rest a bit more than I do,” I admitted as Murphy sat beside me while the doctor prodded and poked at Declan’s arm. Declan tried to be brave and not flinch, but he was a little teary eyed when the doctor was done. It made me teary eyed as a result. My little boy is growing up.

“We’ll have to do some x-rays, is that alright?” the doctor asked Declan, who looked very serious as he nodded. “Is it alright if I take Declan to the x-ray room and ye wait here?”

“That’s perfect,” I nodded. Declan gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before following the doctor.

“He’s a momma’s boy,” Murphy laughed.

“Says you,” I laughed with him. He kissed my forehead. “I’m fine. I’m just tired. And sore.”

“Ye don’t have to push yerself so hard now. I’m not going anywhere, love.”

“I know.” I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. “I hope you’re ready for more chaos.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

The doctor returned with Declan. “It does appear to be a minor break, I can put it in a cast for ye,” the doctor told Declan. Our sun grinned, nodding. He knew that that meant he could leave soon. He started setting Declan’s cast, keeping him engaged in conversation so that he was more at ease. “Alright, that’ll do it! Same care instructions as the girl. There won’t be any more casts for yer family, aye?”

“No, the other kids are still safely in here,” I patted my stomach. Murphy helped me up as we went to check out and then went home.

Kelly was waiting on the porch with Connor when we got back. Her cast was hot pink. Declan had chosen lime green. She ran over, waving her cast in the air while he did the same. When they were close enough, they knocked their casts together like they were giving each other a high five.

Murphy let out a displeased hiss of air while I sighed. Apparently they’ve hit the breaking bones and not being phased by it part of their lives. God help us.


	48. The Christmas Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Christmas Song" by Meg & Dia

“Mom, Da, wake up! It’s Christmas,” Declan and Kelly yelled, jumping on our bed. Murphy groaned, throwing himself at me in protest.

“What time is it?” I asked groggily, burrowing my face into Murphy’s.

“It’s five, Gram’s already up!”

I’m gonna kill Mom. The kids continued to jump until Murphy huffed. He looked very not amused when I opened my eyes. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, alright, we’re coming,” Murphy declared. “The two of ye are gonna break yer other arms.” 

They stopped jumping, giggled, and ran off to wake up someone else. The startled yelp told me it was Connor. Murphy sat up, rubbing his face. We had only gotten a few hours of sleep since we were up late setting up the living room for the kids and wrapping some last minute presents for everyone.

“It does not get easier,” I answered his unasked question. He groaned. I sat up and stretched. “Come on before they terrorize everyone.”

“At this point, I think I’m okay with that.”

As if on cue, we heard Klaus swearing in German in the living room. Murphy shrugged while I rolled my eyes. He helped me out of bed and down the stairs. A very disgruntled Klaus walked by us and into the kitchen to start some coffee. 

“Uncle Klaussss,” Declan and Kelly yelled after him. “There’s no time for coffee!”

“There is quite literally always time for coffee,” Klaus grumbled. 

“Let’s go into the living room and sort out the piles, okay?” I asked the kids, putting one hand on one of each of their shoulders and spun them away from the grumpy German. The three of us sorted out the piles for everyone, setting them around the living room where people should sit. Mom shepherded everyone into the living room and allowed the kids to tell everyone where to sit. I threw myself onto the couch, already exhausted and ready to go take a nap. Klaus sat beside me, looking so unamused that it made me giggle.

“They’re definitely your children,” he grumbled.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Of course not,” he said sarcastically. Murphy sat on the floor in between my legs to act as a mediary between the kids and I. He’s been so infinitely helpful lately. I kissed the top of his head, causing him to look up at me in confusion. Instead of replying, I leaned back and rubbed my stomach.

We spent a few hours opening everyone’s gifts and eating the delicious breakfast Mom prepared for us all. It was a nice change from the small Christmases the kids and I have been having up until now. Maybe one day I’ll be used to it. I hope not. The excitement of it should never fade. And maybe it’ll be easier to be this excited about it with three more kids joining the family.

“You should be resting in bed,” Mom scolded me as I washed some of the dishes.

“I can’t just sit still and do nothing,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s bad enough that I can’t go down to the camp today.”

“Sit,” she ordered, taking the soapy plate and sponge from me.

“Bossy.”

“Where do you think you get it from, hm?”

I rolled my eyes at her but sat down, propping my feet up on one of the other chairs. They were very swollen. A sharp pain caused me to breathe out sharply. Mom noticed, of course.

“Is that a contraction?”

“Probably just a false contraction,” I waved my hand dismissively. “So did you like what the kids made you?”

“Yes! It was an adorable idea.”

“Yeah? Murphy helped them. I didn’t know about it until it was almost done.”

“I didn’t know he could draw.”

“Neither did I. But apparently he can.” Another contraction. I tried to casually glance at the clock to see what time it was. Mom didn’t notice, so I was successful. Before I was able to time them properly, my water broke. “Oh shit.”

Mom turned in confusion. “Wha--oh vaffanculo.” She dropped the glass she had been washing into the sink and ran out of the room. Connor and Tyler were in the kitchen a few seconds later, helping me up and out to the car. As soon as I had managed my assisted waddle to the car, Murphy came sprinting out of the house with the bag we had prepared for the hospital. He got into the back seat with me while Connor took the driver’s seat and Tyler took the passenger’s seat.

“Are ye okay?” Murphy asked, rummaging through the bag. “Do ye need anything?”

I grit my teeth through a contraction. “No, love, I’m okay,” I smiled, grabbing his hand. By some stroke of luck, there wasn’t any snow on the ground so Connor was able to get to the hospital rather quickly.

This time it didn’t take very long until a few nurses came over for me. Murphy and Connor helped me up onto the bed and Murphy went back with me when they wheeled me into one of the birthing rooms. Murphy had barely helped me change into my gown when a doctor came in and took a peek at my cervix.

“Oh ye’re ready, lass,” she announced before throwing off her glove and going to retrieve her team.

“Isn’t this supposed to take hours?” Murphy asked, looking entirely clueless about everything that was happening.

“Are ye staying in for the birth?” the doctor asked as she returned with two nurses. He nodded. “Alright, you’ll want a gown and mask of yer own.” She pointed over towards the corner. “Just throw them on.” Then, to me, “ye’re early?”

“About seven and a half months.”

“Sounds right with triplets.” She continued to talk to me, asking me questions to distract me from the pain. “Alright, I’ll need ye to start pushing now Ms. McCarthy.”

“And that’s the last one!” the doctor grinned, delighted that it had been an easy delivery. It had only taken a few hours of labor. They practically threw themselves out of the womb. “We’ll give ye a few minutes while we take the babies to make sure everything’s okay. Everything  _ does _ look okay though,” she said quickly when Murphy looked panicked. “It’s just to make sure.”

“It’ll be fine, they did this with Kelly and Declan,” I chuckled. Murphy didn’t look any less worried but he relaxed enough that it didn’t look like he was about to pounce on the doctor and the nurse.

He brushed some of my hair away from my very sweaty forehead. “I can’t believe ye did this by yerself before.”

“Technically I had Tyler with me,” I smiled slightly. I was never really alone. But I wasn’t sure it would be helpful to say that, even if I felt a bit foggy from pain medication.

“Still, I should have been there with ye. It wasn’t fair.”

I raised my eyebrows. Is now really the time to have this conversation? Instead, I said: “You should have been. But I didn’t try very hard to find you or let you know either. I didn’t think it was safe to. It also doesn’t matter, that’s the past. We have to figure out names now before we take them home with numbers as names.”

“They let people do that?”

“I’m sure they do somewhere.” I pointed at the bag Murphy had brought along with us. “I put the list in the front pocket.” We both looked at it in silence, not sure which ones to veto or vote in favor of. “Maybe it’ll be easier when we see them?”

Murphy kind of grunted in response but kept looking at all of the names anyway. After a few more minutes of silence, the doctor and nurse returned with the babies. The doctor handed the two boys to me while the nurse handed Murphy the girl. 

“Would you like us to get your family in the waiting room?” the nurse asked.

“Please,” I smiled at the tiny humans in my arms.

“I’ll send them back.”

“Dina,” Murphy said once the nurse left. I nodded with a smile.

“Dina Noah?”

“Da’ll get a kick out of that,” he laughed. He then looked at the boys. “Any ideas?”

“Matteo,” I nodded to the lighter-haired one. He nodded.

“Conan?” we asked together about the darker-haired boy. I laughed.

“For middle names, why not Murphy and Connor?”

Murphy scrunched up his face. “We can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Feels weird to name them after us.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Why do you think I picked out a bunch of names starting with ‘C’ and ‘M’?”

“I thought ye just liked the names.” 

“I do, but I like family names.”

“Are we interrupting? That sounds like you’re about to start arguing a point very passionately,” Tyler grinned as he and Connor walked into the room.

“Oh, look at the babes!” Connor grinned, coming around to look at the boys in my arms. “Ye’re gonna have yer own sports team soon. They’re adorable. Good thing they look like Cec.”

Murphy looked like he wanted to assault Connor but was unable to because of holding Dina.

“Oh this is fun. Ye can’t fight back with the babe in yer arms.” He pulled up a chair and sat next to me, looking at the boys.

“Actually, we need referees,” I interrupted before Murphy could squabble. I pointed to the girl, “Dina Noah.” Then I pointed to the lighter haired boy, “Matteo Murphy.” The darker haired boy: “Conan Connor.”

“Switch them,” Tyler said immediately. “Matteo Connor, Conan Murphy.”

“Ye want to name ‘em after us, lass?” Connor asked, his eyes becoming watery. I leaned forward and kissed his head.

“Of course, we wanted to ask you to be one of the godparents.” Murphy nodded when Connor glanced at him. “You and Tyler, of course. We’ll have to add you to Declan and Kelly’s documents.” I paused. “We’re going to have to change their last names, too. Tyler, remind me to do that when I’m not...”

I gestured vaguely to everything around us with my hand, causing Tyler to laugh and then nod. “I’ll remind you, Cec, don’t worry.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” another nurse smiled sweetly as she came into the room. “It’s time to do the birth certificates. Which would ye like to start with?”

“Let’s do the girl,” I nodded at Murphy.

“Name?”

“Dina Noah McManus.” I noticed with relief that they had already gotten the identifying foot- and hand-prints on the papers.

“Next?”

I wiggled the dark haired twin a bit. She grabbed the appropriate certificate. “Conan Murphy McManus.” She nodded, switching certificates. “Matteo Connor McManus.”

“Alright, that was easy enough. I’ll need you both to sign them. I can hold the babies if you need help.”

She took Dina from Murphy, who was clearly terrified he might drop her if he was forced to do things while holding her. I gave Matteo to Connor, who caught on pretty quickly how to hold him properly. 

We signed the certificates and she took them to make copies for the system before bringing back the originals.

“Is anyone uncomfortable with me doing a milk check?”

“We’ve all seen you naked at this point,” Tyler shrugged while Connor nodded in agreement. 

“Alright then,” the nurse laughed before coming over to me. 

She gently picked up Conan and handed him to Tyler, who held him with no problem. Other than myself, Tyler had held the twins the most as infants. He had been terrified of them at first. But he stopped being so afraid of breaking them once he got more comfortable with them. And I’m glad he did, the twins still flock to him.

After a few seconds of poking and prodding my breasts she frowned a bit. “It doesn’t seem like your milk has come in yet.”

“It probably won’t for a few days. I was late with it last time.”

“Were you looking for a donor or is formula okay?”

“Formula is fine,” I grinned. “As long as it keeps them fed and healthy, I don’t mind where it comes from.”

She smiled, squeezed my hand, and then explained which buttons to press for the things that I needed. “I’ll be able to bring in a cot for the father but I can’t have anyone else here overnight.”

“Yeah, yeah, pretty standard,” Tyler laughed. They had tried to kick him out of the hospital in Germany when I had the twins. But he had refused and they eventually stopped trying to argue with the loud American causing a scene. Out of protest, though, they had made him sleep on a chair instead of bringing him a cot. Tyler didn’t seem to care though. He was still there the next day when the nurse came to check on me.

As lucky as I was to have the support system that I had then, I’m glad that Murphy’s going to be the one here with me tonight. Having him around makes everything feel more complete.


	49. Children's Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Children's Work" by Dessa

“Murphy McManus!” I screeched, running down the stairs with a pregnancy test in my hands. Connor and Murphy were at the table having some coffee while the triplets were playing on the floor beside them. Kelly and Declan were probably off to school by now since Tyler normally drives them there.

Murphy recognized the thing in my hand immediately and swallowed his coffee a bit harder than he probably intended to. Connor immediately picked up his coffee and began herding the children out of the kitchen. They protested a bit but followed obediently.

“I thought you went and got a vasectomy.” He winced and looked at the test hopefully. “It’s positive, you twat.”

“I didn’t think ye would get pregnant again,” he said defensively. I clenched my jaw, refraining from throwing the test at him. I wanted to murder him. I might murder him. Then I’ll have a prison baby.

“How could you think I wouldn’t get pregnant again?”

“Well, ye’re getting old--”

“Murphy I would not use that argument,” Connor called from the living room. Murphy took Connor’s advice and shut his mouth, looking at me for an idea of what to do or how to handle this. I breathed in and exhaled sharply.

“We have to go to the hospital so I can see if I’m going to murder you or not.”

He stood. “I’m gonna get Tyler to go with us. Or Eunice. Or Smecker.”

“Get whoever you think can prevent me from killing you.” He opened his mouth, decided against his comment, and walked out the front door without even bothering to put on shoes. I walked out into the living room and sat next to Connor on the couch. He glanced at me.

“Twins or triplets?”

“I swear to God if it’s more than one I’m going to scream.” I ran my hand through my short, curly hair and sighed. “How the fuck are we going to handle six to nine kids?”

“That I don’t have an answer for.”

“I’m just going to have to move everybody into the house.”

“Wasn’t the point of this house to get away from everyone?”

“You live here.”

“Well, yeah, but Murphy and I are essentially the same person.”

“I know, it’s a twin thing,” I rolled my eyes. Matteo grinned happily as he stole Dina’s block while she was babbling to Conan. She immediately noticed, however, and took two of his. Immediately Matteo began sniffling but Conan threw one of his blocks at him. And then he was fine. Even though they can barely talk, they manage to function in their own little ecosystem. 

“Oh god. What if it’s only one kid. They’ll be left out.”

“Cecilia, you’re having one of those anxiety attacks,” Smecker announced as he walked into the room. He glanced at Murphy behind him. “More brats? You two make adorable ones but none of us were serious about making your own sports team.”

“Speak for yourself,” Eunice grinned as she sauntered into the room and immediately greeted the triplets. “I’m all for more babies around here. Seeing as I haven’t gotten one of my own yet.”

Connor choked on his coffee. Smecker and I exchanged looks. Damn, I really thought she’d bag Klaus. Smecker raised his eyebrows, clearly thinking the same thing. Murphy, however, looked lost.

“It’s never one thing at a time here, is it?” Smecker laughed. 

“What? I have no idea what ye’re talking about,” Connor insisted, his voice about half an octave higher than normal.

“You’re saying that the two of you aren’t,” he trailed off, looking at the little ones.

“Fucking?” I finished. Not like the kids haven’t or wouldn’t hear that at some point.

“No,” Connor and Eunice said, not believably, in unison. “No.” We just stared at them, even the kids (who were mostly just wondering why people were saying ‘no’ when they were being perfect angels). 

“Well, you and Tyler started it,” Eunice pointed at Smecker. He gave her one of his signature sassy looks.

“Honey, I don’t think we were hiding that.”

“Hiding what?”

“The fucking everyone’s been doing,” I replied before wiggling the pregnancy test in the air. Tyler walked closer to see the result.

“Again?”

“Again.”

“Well shit. You two don’t do anything half-assed.”

“Neither do we,” Eunice and Smecker muttered in unison. By now, Connor had turned several shades of red beside me. Tyler looked entirely unbothered.

“Everybody already knew? Then why were we hiding it?” Eunice demanded, hands on her hips.

“Okay, that’s our cue.” I kissed the kids on the head. “Tyler, Smecker, you’re the lucky referees today.” I started herding the guys out of the room before turning and pointing at Connor and Eunice. “The babies not dying comes before fighting and fucking, right?”

“Right,” Connor raised his cup of coffee. “They’ll be fine.”

“I will have your heads on spikes if they aren’t,” I yelled cheerfully over my shoulder before shoving the three men out of the door and to the car. Smecker took the keys from Tyler before he could get into the driver’s seat. Tyler rolled his eyes but climbed into the passenger seat. Clearly he didn’t feel like it was worth it to get into a fight over who got to drive. Then again, Tyler’s so easy-going that he probably literally didn’t care because it mattered more to Smecker who got to drive.

Murphy held my door open for me before getting into the car on the other side of the back seat. He held my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and kissed my cheek.

Smecker drove us to the hospital in relative silence, broken only by Tyler arguing with him over what music to play. Eventually Smecker gave in and admitted that the station Tyler kept picking wasn’t “so bad.” They worked easily together. And it hadn’t been much of a surprise when they started spending more time together around the time Conan, Matteo, and Dina were born.

Oh lord. I’m going to have to get an entire roster to read every time I reference the kids. Declan, Kelly, Matteo, Conan, Dina, and Baby...and maybe Baby number two.

Smecker parked the car and turned the engine off when we arrived.

“Well, we’re here. Better go find out how many buns you’ve got in there,” he announced cheerfully.

The men sat in a few of the chairs while I checked in. I didn’t even get to sit down before I was called back for some tests, Murphy following along with me. They took some blood and had us wait in an examination room before coming back to confirm that I was pregnant.

“It looks like ye’re about ten weeks along,” the doctor said as he checked the results. “That means we should be able to see something on the ultrasound. So if ye would follow me this way.” He waited for us to follow him before walking into another examination room. “I’ll go get one of the technicians for ye.”

“Maybe it’s just one,” Murphy said, trying to comfort me. I turned my head to look at him with raised eyebrows.

“I’m not sure if that’s better or worse. What if they’re lonely because they’re just one?”

“Ye want more than one?”

“I mean, no, I wanted to be done after the triplets but here we are,” I laughed. He looked guilty again. I sighed. “I’m only a little mad. And I’m not actually mad. Maybe it’s all part of the plan. Who knows at this point.”

“I honestly didn’t think ye’d get pregnant again, love.”

“I know. I didn’t either. But this is it. Definitely no more.”

“We’re both getting too old for this,” he laughed, relieved that I wasn’t actually furious.

“Well what’s the verdict?” Smecker questioned, standing when we went back into the lobby. I held up the ultrasound photo, which Tyler took to examine with Smecker.

“Twins? Again?”

“Again,” I confirmed.

“You guys do know how condoms work, right?”

“Shut up, Tyler.”

“They’re going to need name tags when they visit you at work. Adrienne is also going to kill you.”

“Probably, but at this point, she should be used to the chaos.”

“Pretty sure she likes it.”

“Pretty sure she likes more than just that,” Smecker quipped. Tyler and Murphy looked at him curiously. I studied his face, trying to guess where he was going--oh my god.

“Connor?”

“And Eunice. Totally consensual.”

“Huh,” Murphy and I said in unison while Tyler just kind of stared.

“That’s not a bad plan. I don’t think just one of them could handle all of his antics.”

“Not the first time,” Murphy shrugged.

“Why am I always the last one to figure this stuff out?” Tyler finally asked. I put my arm around him.

“You’re just too damn busy respecting everyone’s privacy,” Smecker grinned delightedly, leading the way out of the lobby. “Now let’s get back so I can stir the pot.”

“You’re like a walking ball of chaotic sunshine,” I observed. Tyler almost doubled over laughing, hugging me tightly with one arm. Smecker paused thoughtfully, stole Murphy’s newly lit cigarette, and shrugged before walking away with it.

Murphy swore under his breath before lighting another one with a shake of his head.

“Hey Mom, hey da,” Kelly and Declan greeted in unison as they walked in the front door and threw their bags on the table.

“We’re gonna go to Granda’s until dinner--”

“Is that okay?”

“After we talk to you about something first,” I interjected before they could just run out the door. They exchanged confused glances before looking at us suspiciously. They knew it wasn’t about them--their grades were perfect, they stayed out of trouble for the most part, and they were pretty helpful with the triplets. They’re good kids.

“What did you do?” Declan asked, causing Murphy to choke on the water he had been drinking.

“Why do ye assume we did something?”

The twins exchanged a glance before raising their eyebrows at me. They’ve definitely seen me do that one too many times to Murphy. I tried not to laugh and remain serious. They make that hard sometimes.

“I mean, they’re technically right,” I said, sitting beside Murphy at the table.

“Is this because you’re pregnant?” Kelly asked. She and Declan crossed their arms, refusing to sit down.

I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “How long have you known?”

“Ever since you started wearing baggy shirts again,” Declan shrugged.

“Also no coffee any more,” Kelly nodded.

“Now can we go?” They requested in unison.

“Yeah, yeah,” Murphy waved his hand.

“Thanks!”

And then they were out the door and over to Noah’s house.

“They’re too fecking smart,” Murphy declared.

“They’re very oddly observant for twelve-year-olds. I was not that observant at that age.”

“I’m still not that observant.” 

I laughed, patted his knee, and stood. “Trust me, I know.”

He rolled his eyes as a response while I went back to cooking. Twins. We have to think of more fucking names.


	50. Watch Me While I Bloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Watch Me While I Bloom" by Hayley Williams

“Again?” Adrienne asked, raising her eyebrows at me. “You’re gonna run me out of paperwork. Again.”

“Why does everyone keep saying ‘again?’ And it’s only twins, it won’t be quite like last time,” I insisted.

“Good because you’re much better in the field than you are with paperwork. Plus you can’t leave me with Eunice as your replacement.”

I stared at her, trying to figure out how to politely ask about what Smecker had told us about Eunice, Connor, and Adrienne.

“What?”

“Is being with Eunice such a punishment still?”

“I knew Smecker couldn’t keep his mouth shut.”

“He never keeps his mouth shut about anything.” I realized that this wasn’t true as soon as I said it. He technically never told anyone I was involved with the Saints at all. And nobody outside of anyone who was involved knows anything about it. So I guess that’s not technically true.

“And to answer your question: yes, sometimes it’s still a punishment to be around her. She was not made for archaeology.”

“That’s a valid point,” I laughed. I paused again.

“You’re wondering how exactly this happened?”

“I mean a bit. I know Connor is smooth but he’s not  _ that _ smooth.”

Adrienne laughed. “He’s a lot less smooth than you’d think he is.”

“Oh? Give me  _ all  _ of the incriminating details. I need ammunition.”

“Who are we incriminating?” Eunice asked, bringing a box of things that needed to be cleaned into Adrienne’s tent. Adrienne put her pen down dramatically and stared at the tall Southern belle. “These don’t go here, huh?”

Adrienne sighed. “Put them down over here. And help me spill the dirt on Connor.”

“Now  _ that  _ I’m good at.”

“As for how this started, we decided it and then made him think it was his idea so he’d think he’s smoother than he is.”

“And by we decided it, you mean I proposed it because I knew you liked Connor and I liked Connor and there was no reason to fight over it. None of us are getting any younger.”

“That’s very true.”

“We also both know that we’re worth more than any man we might share.”

“That makes perfect sense to me,” I nodded. “I didn’t expect either of you to be so progressive.”

“Neither did we,” Adrienne admitted with a laugh.

We spent the next hour gossipping before Adrienne sent me to work on what Eunice had been carrying around all morning to look busy. Life really doesn’t end up where we’d expect, does it?

That night, Mom and Noah joined us for dinner. Mom and I cooked dinner while Noah, Connor, and Murphy played with the kids. Noah had bonded with the youngest ones just as much as Declan and Kelly. It was nice to see them doing family things together. They all looked much more relaxed when doing those things.

“You’re oddly quiet,” Mom interrupted my thoughts. I glanced up from cutting the vegetables in front of me to look at her. She was studying me. “Are you alright? You and Murphy? And the babies--born and unborn?”

“Yes, we’re all fine. I was just thinking,” I smiled. “I was thinking about the first time I met everyone and how we’ve all ended up in such different places than any of us thought we would.”

“It has been a weird journey,” she agreed. “I haven’t ended up where I thought I would, either. Especially not after Killian.”

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “I miss him.”

“Every day. But he’s here. And he’s proud of you. I talk to him every day. And I always will.”

“Is that why you never remarried?”

“I don’t need to. Killian was it. I don’t need or want anyone else in my life. Nobody can replace him. I imagine you feel the same about Murphy.”

“Yeah, I do,” I smiled. Ever since we had gone to Boston for the second time, Mom and I have been a lot closer. We understand each other a lot better now. Silence was also now comfortable instead of awkward. So it wasn’t uncomfortable to finish cooking in relative silence.

“Mom, do you need help?” Declan asked as he and Kelly came into the kitchen, likely escaping the chaos of the living room.

“Actually, that would be wonderful. Could you two set the table?”

“Sure,” Kelly nodded as she and Declan wordlessly began setting the table. Just like Connor and Murphy, they often didn’t need to speak to accomplish tasks together. It still creeped Mom out a bit but she was slowly getting used to it.

After the triplets were asleep and Mom and Noah had left, Connor, Murphy, and I were sitting in the living room with the twins watching TV. They loved getting to stay up later than the triplets with us. It made them feel more grown up. And, honestly, it was nice to get some time with just them again. Obviously I love the triplets, but I miss some of the antics I’d get into with Kelly and Declan before we moved to Ireland.

It still feels crazy how we’ve ended up here.

“You picked yesterday,” Kelly insisted as she tried to grab the remote from Declan. Connor looked down at the redhead beside him with raised eyebrows.

“I’m pretty sure ye picked yesterday, lass.”

“No, it was definitely Decs.”

“It was definitely you,” Declan stuck his tongue out, cuddling into my side and holding the remote out in the air over my lap so that Kelly couldn’t reach it with Connor between them. This continued until Declan settled on some educational documentary. Kelly immediately slumped over and blew her hair out of her face.

Murphy and I exchanged glances, trying not to laugh, while Connor just rubbed his forehead and yawned.


	51. Walking With a Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Walking With a Ghost" by Tegan & Sara

I folded my arms onto the desk in front of me before putting my forehead on them and groaning. I’ve just cleaned these fossils with the wrong solution. They’re going to dry dirty. Fuck me. With an exaggerated huff, I stood and dragged myself out of my tent. Adrienne saw me and looked like she was immediately going to ask a favor.

“No,” I said firmly, dropping the bucket and pushing it under the correct chemical bucket with my foot.

“Didn’t you just spend four hours cleaning those fossils? They should be absolutely spotless by now,” she mused. I gave her a very unamused look and pointed at the other bucket. “Oh. That’s no good. They’re going to dry dirty.”

“I’m aware.” I turned off the tap. I had enough solution to actually clean them properly.

“Sleepless night?”

I stared in response.

“Yes, I’ll make Tyler do it.”

“Make him do whatever I’m supposed to do after that, too.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll just give him the next three things.”

“Good, he looks too happy.”

Adrienne snorted in amusement before going over to my long-haired friend and informing him of his newfound luck. He shot me a look across the field so I held up my bucket and waved. He stuck up his middle finger in reply. Glad to know he still loves me.

I dragged the bucket back into the room and got back to work. Six months always seems to be the point where I start to have trouble doing stuff and get extra grouchy about everything. I’d feel bad but, honestly, I’m carrying around two little humans so I don’t really care that much. Unless I’m actually being a dick. But I try not to be a dick. Just cranky.

And, after four more hours of work, they were finally  _ properly _ cleaned. I leaned back in the chair, stretching my back and then rubbed my abdomen. All I want now is dinner and sleep. 

_ “Jesus, you’re pregnant again?!” _

I looked at the chair beside me. Rocco was sitting there with his glasses on top of his head. He hadn’t changed a bit. He reached out and touched my hair.

_ “You cut it. It looks nice on you.” _

“Am I about to die?”

_ “What? No. Can’t I just show up and say hey?” _

I stared. I think I see Rocco all the time but usually I just think I’m crazy. 

_ “I just wanted to pop in and say hello. And also warn you that one of the kids is about to set the house on fire.” _

I got up so fast that the chair I was sitting in fell over and waddled as fast as I could to the house. Rocco walked briskly beside me, following me into the kitchen where Kelly was just about to put a dish covered with aluminum foil into the microwave.

“Oh, honey, no, you can’t do that,” I intervened, opening the door before she could hit the start button.

“What? Why?”

“Metal will spark.”

“Why?”

“Ask Google, I’m too tired to remember the words that make the sentence make sense.” Rocco giggled at that, clapping delightedly. Kelly seemed to not hear him. I gave her a kiss on the head, removed the foil from her dish, and then shut the door and pressed start. Kelly shrugged, pulled out her cell phone and started typing in a browser to figure out why that was a bad idea.

_ “Crisis averted!” _

“What’s going on out here--?” Murphy asked, carrying Matteo while Dina and Conan wobbled into the kitchen. Kelly grinned delightedly, put her phone away, and immediately started playing with her two siblings on the floor. I’m so glad they all get along, other than Kelly and Declan bickering over trivial things.

_ “Hey Murph! Never thought I’d see you with so many little brats. It suits you,”  _ Rocco grinned with a wave. Murphy looked like he was about to fall over. The microwave beeped.

“What? You’ve definitely seen Mom before,” Kelly rolled her eyes, grabbed her food, then Dina, and went into the living room with the triplets following her close behind.

Murphy pointed at Rocco, looked at me, then back at Rocco and eventually gave up on eloquence: “What the fuck?”

“He showed up to tell me that Kelly was about to set the house on fire,” I shrugged. He continued to stare so I picked up her discarded aluminum foil and wiggled it before throwing it in the trash.

_ “I hang around sometimes, just kind of watch.” _

“Ye just hang around and watch? What kind of sicko are ye?”

_ “Not like that--even though you’re still lovely Cecilia. But you’re a mom and a soon-to-be married lady so I can’t. That’s crossing a line.”  _ He shook his head vigorously to show that he was serious.

“Who’s a sicko?” Connor asked as he walked into the kitchen, pulling on his jacket to go visit Eunice or Adrienne or both. We don’t really discuss the specifics. And nobody’s had the heart to tell Connor that he didn’t successfully convince the two of them to partner with him. The girls and I decided that that was just kind of something he doesn’t need to know. So of course Murphy doesn’t know because he would never let Connor live it down. I’m not sure it would hurt Connor’s ego very much. Adrienne and Eunice are both total catches and he’s in over his head.

“Rocco,” I shrugged, opening the fridge to poke around. Murphy came over to help me find the leftovers and motioned for me to sit and relax while he took care of it. Rocco sat next to me, propping his feet up on the table. Connor looked perplexed.

_ “Hey Connor.” _

“Hey Rocco,” Connor said slowly before sitting down across from him. “Not that I’m not happy to see ye, but what the fuck?”

_ “I came back to tell Cec that one of the kids was gonna set the house on fire.” _

“That’s it?”

_ “I’m sorry, isn’t that a good enough reason to say hello?” _

The twins shared a look as Murphy put the reheated food in front of me and handed me a fork. 

_ “Besides, Cecilia sees me all the time.” _

“What?” the twins asked in unison.

I shrugged. “It never seemed important enough to mention.”

_ “Ouch.” _ Rocco put his hand over his chest and pretended to be wounded.

“That’s a lot less funny since you were literally shot in the chest,” I scowled. I’d slap him on the arm if I could.

_ “Oh yeah, I forget about that sometimes. That day’s a little fuzzy.” _

“I miss having you around.”

“Yeah,” Murphy nodded.

“We do, too,” Connor finished for him. 

Rocco got teary eyed as he sat up straight.  _ “Oh, you guys. I miss you all, too. But I’m always around.”  _ He stood.  _ “Now I’ve gotta go. Important things to do, you know.” _

Before we could question what, exactly, those important things were, Rocco was gone. I shoved some baked macaroni and cheese in my mouth and sniffled, trying not to cry. Goddammit, Roc. You should still be here with us.


	52. Chain My Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Chain My Name" by Polica

“So who are you going to name the baby after this time?” Mom asked, putting her hand on my stomach to see if the twins were kicking at all. They weren’t, they were sleeping peacefully. All of the kicking seems to happen in the middle of the night so that they can keep me (and subsequently Murphy) awake all night.

“Very funny, Mom,” I rolled my eyes. Noah was on the floor playing with the triplets, who were all just delighted that Grandma and Granda were there. “But honestly, I have no idea. I’ve used most of the family names at this point.”

“Oh, what about Tyler’s name?”

“Eh, Tyler’s a very common name.”

“Noah?”

“Dina’s middle name is Noah,” Noah gave Mom a stern look. Ever since he had learned Dina had his name as her middle name, she became his little princess. Of course he loves all of the kids, but she’s the one that’s usually with him when he’s around. It’s very cute.

“Fine,” Mom rolled her eyes. I laughed. As much as we fought when I was a teenager and a young adult, I’m a lot like my Mom. “What?”

“Nothing,” I said, struggling to stop laughing. “I’m just really your daughter sometimes.”

“We know,” Murphy and Noah said in unison. Mom and I stuck our tongues out at them.

“Oh! Frederick!”

“Bless ye?” Murphy said, looking up at me in confusion. I had gotten too excited and pronounced it too quickly.

With a wave of my hand, I explained: “It’s Tyler’s middle name. Frederick.”

“That’s not terrible,” he agreed. “What about Rocco for a middle name?”

“You’re a genius,” I smiled.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Noah muttered as Dina handed him one of her toys. “Ye’re a genius though! Take after yer Ma.”

I bit back a laugh while Murphy rolled his eyes and scowled. “You are smart, Murphy.”

“True love, that is.”

“Thank ye, love,” Murphy said, ignoring Noah’s rebuttal. 

“What about the girl?” Mom asked.

“What, you want me to pick right now? It’s like nine o’clock.”

“I’m sorry, you have something better to do at nine at night on a Friday?”

“Yes, I have important sleep to catch up on,” I pouted. Mom patted my leg and then stared at me.

“Girl names. What about Margaret?”

“What? No. That sounds like an old lady’s name.”

“She could go by Maggie.”

“I don’t think that makes it better.”

“Do you boys have any suggestions?”

Murphy and Noah stared at Mom like she was nuts.

“You’re right, why did I ask?”

Kelly and Declan walked in and Mom looked immediately excited.

“Oh, you might have some ideas. What do you two think about names for your baby sister?”

The twins shared a look before looking at me for a gauge of what they were walking into.

“Grandma’s trying to help us pick out names.” Translation: Grandma is pushing us to pick out names. Kelly’s mouth twitched into a smile, clearly picking up on the subtext. Declan looked a bit confused by decided to let Kelly take the lead, as she usually does.

“Well, not Catharine. There’s a Catharine in our class and she’s not very nice,” Kelly sat down next to me, her arm linked with Declan’s to force him to also sit down before he could run away. He looked like he would be perfectly happy returning to his video game. I don’t blame him. Maybe I could leave Murphy and take Decs back into the basement--Murphy shook his head at me, clearly recognizing my I’m-about-to-leave-all-of-this-to-you face. 

I huffed and settled back into the couch, giving Declan a look that said I had tried. “No Catharine. I couldn’t see having a Cathy around.”

“What about Vittoria?” Declan offered. Kelly squinted at him.

“Where’d you come up with that?”

Declan mumbled something so that only Kelly could hear it. She looked exasperated.

“A video game?”

“Yeah, but it’s a cool name,” Declan said defensively. Murphy couldn’t help but laugh, causing Declan to turn a bit pink. 

“No, you’re right, that is a cool name,” I said thoughtfully. I narrowed in on him. “Do you have another cool name stashed in that wonderful brain of yours?”

“I kind of like Clara. It’s a kind name.”

“It is a kind name. Vittoria Clara. I like it. Murph?”

“Sounds pretty.”

“Frederick Rocco and Vittoria Clara. Done. Those are the names, no ifs, ands, or buts.”

Mom thought about it for a few minutes before shrugging and agreeing that it was a good name. And at this point, I’m just tired of picking out names.

The twins chatted a bit with the grandparents before getting up to leave again. I called for them to wait a second. “Don’t forget we have to get up early to go in town to the courthouse tomorrow.”

“Right, name change day,” Kelly said brightly.

“Are you getting your name changed, ma?” Declan asked softly. I thought about it. I had been planning on getting my name changed, but I wasn’t honestly sure if I would.

“Of course she is,” Mom said but then noticed my face. “Aren’t you?”

“Well, I don’t know. It’s so,” I tried to find a polite term, “traditional.”

“Well, then why do I have to change my name?” Declan questioned before Mom could be appalled. 

“Ye don’t if ye don’t want to,” Murphy answered for me. “Same thing I told yer ma.”

“You can always change your mind at any time, same thing your dad told me,” I agreed, smiling at Murphy and then Declan.

“Then I don’t want to change it.”

“But you’ll be the only one with Mom’s name,” Kelly said, surprised. “I don’t want my name changed either, then.”

“You can change your name, Kel. We’re still twins even if we have different names.”

“Nope,” she shook her big, curly red hair defiantly. “Same name. I can change it later if I want to apparently.”

Noah chuckled while Mom looked confused. The twins grinned, concluding that their job was done, and started to run off together.

“We do still have to go to the courthouse though,” I reminded them, referencing adding Connor and Murphy to their legal papers.

“Yes, mom,” they said sweetly.

“Kids,” Murphy smirked at me. I rolled my eyes but smiled back at him and stood.

“Okay, bedtime for the little ones. It’s nine-thirty.”

Mom and Noah kissed them goodnight. I took Dina while Murphy grabbed Conan and Matteo. The kids looked properly tired from a long evening of playing. Tyler and Smecker should have an easy morning tomorrow with them.

After we got the kids to bed, I stretched and started heading for the bedroom. Murphy bit back a laugh and pulled me into a hug, kissing my temple.

“I’ll clear the living room. Ye go get ready for bed.”

I leaned up and kissed him. “My hero.”


	53. Pay No Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Pay No Mind" by Sims

“What--yes--ca,” Murphy tried to get a word in, holding the phone away from his face with the most adorable look of frustration on it. “Ro--no--can I get a fecking word in?”

I bit back my laugh before taking the phone from him as he thrust it out towards me. “Hey Romeo.”

“Oh, Cec! I am so excited to be coming out to visit you guys,” he gushed. “Is there anything I should bring for the kids? Or you?”

“No, Romeo, I think we’re okay. But that’s sweet of you to ask. When are you coming in?”

“I’ll be leaving on Friday, so probably Tuesday or Wednesday as long as the weather’s good.”

“You’re still coming by ship?”

“Yeah, don’t like planes. I’ll bring some Mexican food for you guys.”

“That actually would be great, we can’t get that stuff over here so easily.”

“Great!”

“And you’ll be staying with us. We’ve got the room.”

“You would have to throw me out.”

“Good, I’ll give you back to Murphy.” Before Murphy was able to protest, I had handed him the phone again and walked away. Immediately, it reverted to Romeo just talking excitedly while Murphy tried to be involved in the conversation at all. I can’t wait for someone else to drive the boys insane so I can have a break from that for a change.

Eventually Murphy was able to end the conversation and hang up. He grumbled under his breath as he came over to me and kissed my cheek. “Ye’re evil, ye know that?”

“I like seeing you squirm.”

He rolled his eyes but smiled. “I’ll return the favor to ye, love.”

“You always do.” I kissed his nose as he playfully scowled.

“So who is this again?” Tyler questioned as he, Smecker, Connor, Murphy, and I were standing on the docks waiting for Romeo.

“He helped us in Boston the second time,” Connor supplied, taking a drag on his cigarette. “Not the brightest, but he’s got a lot of heart.”

“He’s sweet,” I agreed. “And he did say he was bringing some Mexican food.”

“Hopefully that includes hot sauce,” Tyler said dreamily. I laughed. We can get it here, but not many varieties and it’s expensive. 

“Probably, I’m sure he remembers how much ye use of it,” Connor laughed as he looked at me. I rolled my eyes and continued looking at the people getting off of the boat.

“Oh, there he is!”

“Shit, his hair got better,” Murphy grinned. He and Connor ran over, nearly knocking Romeo over when they got to him. Immediately, Romeo looked like he was going to cry. Instead of the mullet we were used to him having, he now had a mohawk--so essentially the same but short in the back and shaved entirely on both sides.

As soon as Romeo saw me, however, he pushed the twins away and came over to me, pulling me into a gentle hug and then admiring my baby bump. “You look so beautiful, Cecilia! Murphy’s treating you okay, right?”

“Hey!” Murphy said indignantly as he and Connor collected Romeo’s bags. Tyler laughed, looking delighted that he had just received another source of entertainment.

“He’s still perfect,” I laughed, hugging Romeo again. “It’s so good to see you again. How’s your uncle doing?”

“Good! His restaurant is doing really well. There’s been a rise in demand for authentic Mexican food.”

“Finally, people have gained some tastebuds in Boston.”

“I brought hot sauce.”

“You’re my new best friend,” Tyler grinned, throwing an arm around Romeo and talking his ear off about hot sauces as we walked back to the car.

“So which one is this?” Romeo asked, pointing to the triplets.

“Conan Murphy,” I answered. He made the mental note and looked at Matteo and pointed. “Matteo Connor.” Then at Dina. “Dina Noah.”

“Isn’t Noah a guy’s name?”

“It’s their grandfather’s name--Connor and Murphy’s dad. Besides, my middle name is Killian. That’s my dad’s name.”

“Oh, cool. Traditionally progressive.”

“I thought so.”

He pointed at each one of the triplets and recited their names to himself. The triplets looked at each other in confusion before speaking in broken Gaelic wondering what he was doing.

Romeo looked shocked. “They speak Irish?”

“They’re in Ireland and they’re Irish,” I laughed.

“Mom,” the triplets whined, throwing themselves at my legs. I laughed.

The door in the kitchen opened. “Mom, Da, we’re home!” Kelly and Declan yelled in unison. They stopped and stared at Romeo when they walked into the living room before looking at me.

“Romeo,” I pointed, “the twins: Declan and Kelly.”

Romeo pointed at Kelly while saying her name and did the same to Declan. The twins shared a look, a smile, and then immediately began insisting that their names were reversed.

“No,  _ I’m _ Kelly,” Declan rolled his eyes.

“And  _ I’m _ Declan. Honestly, Mom, where do you find these people?”

Romeo immediately turned pink and started sputtering out an apology. I was trying not to laugh as I watched this unfold. It lasted for about five very uncomfortable minutes for Romeo before Murphy came out in the living room.

“Welcome home,” he greeted the twins. They started laughing, causing him to squint at them. “What did ye do?”

“We’ve been convincing Romeo that our names aren’t our names.”

Murphy looked torn between being proud and scolding them. He settled for a shrug in the end. “Fair enough.”

“Wait, you just let them try to trick me?” Romeo asked me, exasperated. I shrugged with a smile.

“I can’t keep them from their twin antics any more than I can keep Connor and Murphy from doing twin shit,” I laughed. The twins grinned at their dad before going back into the kitchen to retrieve their things to do their homework. I have a feeling that they’re going to have a lot of fun picking on Romeo for the next few weeks.

A few nights later, it was finally the weekend and all of the kids got to pester Romeo all day. Now that they were all in bed, he was clearly done for the night. 

“How do you manage with so many kids around?” Romeo asked, laying on the couch in exhaustion. Murphy and I looked at each other and shrugged.

“You get used to it. Plus we often have help,” I replied, stretching with a yawn.

“It’s not so bad, they’re just kids,” Murphy agreed as he sat on the loveseat. I sat beside him, thankful to be off of my feet again. I’m getting to the point of being uncomfortably pregnant again. But I’m only a few weeks from the due date they estimated. At this point I'm just so over being pregnant. 

“I couldn’t do it. And you’re going to add two more to it?”

“Well, that wasn’t intentional,” I chuckled, teasing Murphy. “But I’m sure it’ll be fine. The triplets are getting older and the twins are almost teenagers.”

“How old are the young ones?”

“They’ll be three on Christmas Day.”

“So there are gaps between all of the birthdays?”

“Thankfully,” Murphy nodded. The twins were born in April and the new set of twins should be the end of September. I have a feeling it’ll be the beginning of October though. I’m not sure why, I just feel like they’ll be late because they’re the last ones. But I hope not.

At least there won’t be any more of them. Murphy  _ did _ actually get a vasectomy. Thank. God. Anything more than seven kids just sounds like too much.

We spent the rest of the evening sitting around and watching TV. Eventually Connor came back, looking like his world had just changed forever.

“What’s with you?” Murphy asked, nudging his foot.

“I’m not smooth. The girls planned this whole thing,” Connor stared at the ceiling. Murphy and I stared silently. “Oh my god, ye knew!”

Murphy raised his hands in self defense. “I only know because of Cecilia.”

“I can’t keep that to myself. If I have to know it, you have to know it. That’s the rule,” I said firmly.

“But ye didn’t tell me,” Connor reminded me.

“Well, we thought it was best if you didn’t know it. At least not for a while. Though I did vote in favor of ‘never.’”

“Does everybody know?”

“Probably because you know Eunice is bffs with Smecker and, well, you know Smecker.”

“I lost it. I was smooth at one point.”

I almost laughed but turned it into a cough.

“You didn’t think I was smooth when we met?”

“Not really. I thought you were sweet and a little bit devilish.” A look of horror dawned on his face.

“Murphy’s the smooth one.”

“I could’ve told ye that,” Murphy laughed.

“But ye let me think it was me?!”

“It was good for yer confidence. And the ladies liked ye trying so hard.”

“I thought I was always two steps ahead.”

“No,” I laughed. Romeo let out a snore from the couch, causing me to laugh even more. Just like old times.

“My whole world just changed and he’s just sleeping away,” Connor laughed. He rubbed his forehead.

“Ye’ll be fine,” Murphy laughed, patting his knee. Connor stared.

“That was such a ‘da’ thing to do.” He laughed. “Life’s weird. But nice.”

“Yeah, it is,” I agreed before standing. “Now I’m exhausted and I need sleep.” I kissed Murphy before kissing Connor on the cheek and went to bed, leaving them to talk amongst themselves. It feels like all of the good parts of Boston are back.


	54. Call Your Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Call Your Boys" by Iron & Wine

Well, a few weeks wasn’t good enough for Romeo. He decided to extend his stay until the babies came. Klaus also surprised us by showing up out of the blue one day. He’s done it so often that I’m never surprised by it any more. Apparently he had planned it so that he’d be able to see the new babies. Except I was late. So there were currently no new babies outside of my body. And, yes, I was very cranky about it. The only people exempt from my cranky rage were the kids.

Klaus and Murphy have also actually become friends now. I never thought that I’d see the day that would happen. But here we are. The only way it would be more perfect were if we had Rocco around. But wishing only goes so far when it comes to the dead, I guess.

I shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Romeo gave me a concerned glance, clearly terrified of me going into labor spontaneously while he was the only one home with me. Klaus, Connor, Murphy, Eunice, Adrienne, Smecker and Tyler were all out drinking while Mom and Noah watched the triplets. The twins were staying at friends’ houses for the weekend. So it was just Romeo and I. Well, mostly Romeo. I was kind of falling asleep on the couch while he watched TV. The back door opened and roughly shut as someone kicked off some heavy boots. Klaus, probably. Too loud to be Connor.

“I’m back,” Klau announced from the kitchen. “Taxi drivers are so nice here.” He stumbled back down the hallway to the bathroom. I snickered to myself but stopped when I felt a contraction. Probably false labor pains. But I glanced at the clock anyway just to be sure. About twenty minutes later, I had another one. I quietly kept track and counted them as the time between them slowly shortened.

“Romeo, I don’t want to freak you out,” I said calmly. “But I’m gonna need you to get the bag in the front closet and take me to the hospital.”

Romeo’s eyes widened until I could see the whites around his irises. “What? No, no, no, I don’t know how to get there. Can’t you hold it in?”

“It doesn’t work like that.” I struggled to stand and made it as far as the kitchen before my water broke. “Well fuck.”

I heard Romeo stumble around the living room as he attempted to grab his shoes, the car keys, and his jacket before he ran down the hallway and pounded on the bathroom door. I stuck my head into the hallway.

“Uh, Romeo.”

Klaus opened the door, halfway in his pajamas and looked Romeo up and down before glancing at me holding my stomach. Without saying anything, he shut the door again and emerged fully dressed again. He was clearly drunk. “You drive, I’ll assist Cee.”

Romeo began struggling to get his shoes and jacket on while Klaus retrieved the bag I was pointing at. He looked at his boots, then his feet, and shrugged before walking out the door without them. Apparently they were too difficult to struggle with at the moment.

“Grab those, too,” I laughed before grabbing my purse and waddling out the door with Romeo.

Klaus managed to direct Romeo to the hospital from the backseat while I focused on not dying in the front seat. Even drunk that man has an impeccable sense of direction. It’s never ceased to amaze me and it probably never will.

Romeo managed to get the bag out of the car without entirely falling over. Time has not granted him the strength to perform well under pressure. Klaus, however, was still swaying a bit but was able to escort me into the hospital and help me into a seat.

“We’ve got a pregnant lady giving birth here!” Klaus said loudly as he approached the check in desk. The older woman looked up at him in confusion before looking over at me. I waved, pointed at my stomach, and grimaced from pain.

“Name?”

“She’s in labor, does it matter?”

“Klaus, dear, just bring me the clipboard,” I cut the conversation short. The nurse handed him the clipboard, which he brought back to me.

“Excuse me, sir, ye’ll have to put on some shoes--”

“They’re too hard. This is more important. It’s fine.” She looked like she was about to argue but decided it just wasn’t worth her time to argue with a large German man and went back to what she was doing. Romeo ran through the front door a few seconds later, causing her to spill her coffee.

“I was afraid I missed it,” he said when he saw me. 

“It takes a while. Oh, you have my shoes. I can put those on now.”

“I’ll send someone out shortly,” the nurse said curtly. I gave her a thankful look before watching Klaus slowly put on his shoes while Romeo tried to get a hold of anyone else to let them know we were here.

“I assume ye’re the one I’m supposed to take to the delivery wing immediately?” A younger nurse greeted me with a smile.

I nodded at him and handed him the clipboard. “Yeah, that’s me.” Klaus helped me stand while Romeo also stood to go with us.

“Only one, I’m afraid,” the nurse stopped them.

“Take the German, please,” the nurse at the desk scowled at Klaus, who gave a friendly little wave and blew her a kiss. I rolled my eyes but smiled. He’s not always so serious. Klaus looked like he was about to retaliate so I gripped his arm a bit more tightly while I had a contraction.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t walk,” Klaus said thoughtfully.

“Yes, I have a wheelchair here if ye’ll just--”

Before the nurse could finish, Klaus had picked me up and was carrying me down the hallway. He turned around to stare at the nurse, who looked like he couldn’t decide if he should reprimand Klaus or just go along with his antics at this point. After a few seconds, he decided on the latter and pushed an empty wheelchair behind us while giving Klaus directions to the room I’d be in.

A few hours later, Murphy finally got to the hospital and came into the delivery room. Klaus was, finally, not drunk and was actually being helpful. My cervix, however, was not dilated enough to begin labor. Three labors with five kids and you’d think they’d just fall out. They don’t.

Klaus traded off with Murphy, heading back out into the waiting room with everybody else (all of whom had apparently refused to go home from the bar without seeing the babies for the first time).

Murphy kissed the side of my head and rubbed my back sympathetically. I groaned and put my forehead on my arm as I tried to massage away the headache. Standing helps with the pain a bit but definitely not as much as I’d like it to.

The doctor returned to check my cervix.

Finally, it was at 7cm. That meant I could actually deliver these little devilish angels. They aren’t even out of the womb and they’re already causing headaches. So they’ll fit in with the family.

“I can only let two more people in at a time,” a nurse outside of the door tried to reason with the loud, rambunctious group of people outside of the maternity room. Murphy looked at me and grinned before going to assist the poor nurse. We had already gone through the naming process, so I was just holding Freddie and Vittoria while they slept.

“Come on, we’re not going anywhere. And I’m sure the lady at the desk doesn’t want us around again,” Adrienne reasoned.

“I just wanna see the babies,” Eunice agreed.

“They’ll be fine once they’re in here,” Murphy assured the nurse. He looked at Murphy before shrugging and deciding that it really wasn’t worth it. That seemed to be the theme of the evening when dealing with our weirdly extended family.

Everyone crowded into the room, letting out various sounds of appreciation for the small humans in my arms. “Oh, look at their little faces,” Smecker said, looking at them. “I understand why people have so many of these things now. They’re all so cute.”

“Only Cecilia’s babies are this cute,” Eunice rolled her eyes.

“That’s true, most babies look like little old people,” Klaus agreed.

“You know, they do, don’t they?” Smecker realized. Tyler shook his head while Connor looked at all of them like they were crazy. Romeo, however, was just staring at the babies absolutely smitten.

“Ye okay there, Romeo?” Murphy asked from beside me. 

“They caused so much chaos and now they’re just sleeping like little angels,” Romeo thought aloud. Romeo snapped out of his trance. “I mean, they’re cute.” Eunice laughed and gave him a one armed hug.

The nurse eventually came back to take the babies to the infant ward to sleep for the night. At some point after that, I fell asleep while everyone was still talking amongst themselves. I don’t know what I’d do without these people in my life. I definitely need them in it. Always.


	55. Let Forever Mean Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Let Forever Mean Forever" by Blue October

I was nervous but I wasn’t quite sure why. Murphy and I have been together for so long now that getting married shouldn’t even be a reason to be nervous. But I am nervous about it. I tugged nervously at the veil on my head. Wearing a wedding dress seemed silly. Obviously the traditional meanings for the white dress and the veil are out the window. Mom had insisted, however.

“You look about ready to jump out a window,” Eunice said, pulling me into a hug.

“I think it’s the spectacle of all of it. It’s nerve wracking,” I admitted with a slight laugh. “I was picturing something a bit different.”

“A little smaller?”

“A lot smaller.”

“Well, the ceremony should be fairly quick. And then the reception should be easier.”

“I hope so. That’s going to be a little weird, though.” The reception is also a bit of a going away party. The dig is finally moving on to another spot about an hour away from our house. It was going to be weird not being able to see them every day through the field. But it also gave me an excuse to make a career change that I’ve wanted to make for a while. Technical papers and publishing finds rather than just digging things out and cleaning them. So I’ll still be working with Adrienne and her crew, just not for them as much.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be weird saying goodbye to them.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Well, I think I’m going to stick around with Connor. He mentioned moving us in with Noah to help out around there and keep the farm running.”

“That’s a big step,” I grinned. “I didn’t think you had it in you, Bloom.” Eunice laughed, wrinkling her nose as she did so.

“Don’t gloat very much, McCarthy, it doesn’t suit you.”

“Of course it does, I live with Murphy. I get to gloat all the time.”

“Mom,” Kelly rolled her eyes as she walked into the room. “We’re all out here waiting and you’re just picking on poor Da when he can’t defend himself. At least do it while he’s around so we all can enjoy it.” She pulled me in for a hug. “You look beautiful.”

“So do you,” I kissed her forehead. She held my hands.

“You ready?”

“I am.”

“Good, I’ll go get Uncle Tyler.”

“She’s grown up so much,” Eunice murmured as Kelly walked away. I tried not to cry thinking about it. She and Declan will be adults soon. I hope that they find their way in the world. I hope it’s easier for them than it was for us.

“You okay, Cec?” Tyler asked, waving a hand in front of my face.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about Kelly and Declan being adults in a few years.”

He laughed and kissed the side of my head. “You’re oddly emotional today.”

“Shut up, I’m allowed on some days,” I laughed and dabbed my eyes with my palms.

“I’ll go tell ‘em ya’ll are ready,” Eunice grinned before leaving the room. I wiggled my engagement ring on my right hand nervously.

“You’re hating this.”

“I’m hating this. Why did they want such a big thing?”

“Murphy’s hating it, too. He said the same thing to Connor.”

“We’re always on the same page now.”

“You were only a few pages off before.”

I gave him a face. “Tyler, we were a whole trilogy away from each other before.”

“Eh, you got there in the end, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, we did. Thank god.”

We heard some music start playing. “Well, that’s our cue. You ready?”

“Ready enough,” I nodded as we linked arms. Tyler walked me over to the doors that led into the main part of the Church. Mom was there waiting. She linked her other arm with mine so that they could both walk me down the aisle. 

“You look so beautiful,” Mom said, wiping a tear away. And then the wedding march began and we began walking down the aisle. It was agonizingly slow and I felt like I was going to trip on the dress at any second. Murphy was also distractingly handsome, which did not help me focus on not tripping. Tyler, however, was sturdy enough to keep me from falling all over myself. They managed to get me to the front of the church to give me away to Murphy without letting me fall flat on my face. That was a feat in and of itself, I guess.

Murphy also looked nervous but a bit less so when he took my hands in his. It also helped me be less nervous. Being up on stage in front of people singing is one thing but this feels entirely different. It’s like I’m on display in a fish tank. Murphy seemed to be able to tell because he squeezed my hands and smiled nervously. It made me feel better.

After the ceremony, I was finally able to change out of the wedding dress. Murphy had already changed out of his suit and ended up having to help me out of my dress. “How the hell did ye even get into this thing?”

I laughed, trying to hold still as he unlaced the corset. “Kelly liked it the best. She has a better fashion sense than I do.”

“She has a better fashion sense than all of us,” Murphy agreed. Finally I got out of the dress and into some comfortable clothes. “Ye ready?”

“I’m starving.”

“Ye’re always starving.”

When we got to the reception at the dig site, people were already in the middle of partying. They were drinking and mingling. The camp looked pretty empty. All of the equipment and office tents had been moved to the new site already. And, after the weekend, all of the personal tents will be gone, too. Along with all of the people. That made me a little sad, but I was happy to have one more night with them all.

“Congratulations!” Adrienne yelled, bringing half of a bottle of champagne over with her. “Sorry, we didn’t wait, but you guys have been pretty much married since forever so--”

“It’s fine,” I laughed, stealing the bottle and drinking some. I immediately made a face. “Why the fuck is there tequila in here?”

“I was too lazy to get a glass and I was already using the bottle,” she shrugged. “But there are glasses. And whiskey and a bunch of other things. I dunno, Smecker was in charge. There’s a lot.”

“Smecker is a lot,” Murphy chuckled under his breath.

“I heard that,” Smecker put his arms around our shoulders. “But I will let it go as my wedding gift to you. And whatever Tyler has picked out that I signed my name on. Now, let’s get you two fed and properly drunk. It’s a party, afterall.”

And then I don’t really remember much after that. Murphy and I did drink and eat a lot. And we woke up in our bed the next morning with all of the kids accounted for. Klaus and Romeo were asleep in the living room on the couch together, oblivious to the world. For once, Murphy and I were the first two awake. Usually we’re the last two awake on the weekend.

Murphy started making us some coffee while I made some toast. We sat at the table eating and drinking coffee in silence. It was nice. And quiet. We don’t get very much time to ourselves with all of the kids and the constant chaos that just seems to be how life works. Not that I would trade our current lives for anything. But it would be nice to get some more time alone together. Maybe we can take a trip abroad in a year or two. I guess we can do anything at this point. The only thing that matters is that we’re together. For better or worse.


	56. Epilogue: Heartlines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Heartlines" by Florence + the Machine

The McManus/McCarthy house stood still and empty at the top of the hill as a van full of seven siblings pulled into the driveway. The eldest two were in the driver and passenger seat, the youngest in the very back. Kelly McCarthy, the eldest of the lot, parked the car and turned off the ignition before looking at her twin brother. Declan looked as nervous as she felt about this. But they tried not to look very nervous in front of the youngest siblings, who were just shy of their sixteenth birthday.

“Where did Mom say everything is?” Matteo broke the silence, his blonde curly hair was far from being tamed that day. All of them looked slightly disheveled, but he and Freddie looked the most unkempt due to their unruly curls.

“She said everything should be in the containers in the basement,” Kelly responded as she opened her door. The rest of the siblings followed suit. Declan led the way to the house and unlocked it without bothering to wait for everyone to make it to the side door. And, out of habit, they all took off their shoes at the door. Cecilia McCarthy would either murder them or make them clean the floors if they got any mud on the floors.

They went into the basement without looking at anything else. Freddie and Vittoria still lived there but the triplet still visited at least once a week. The only two who were around less often were Kelly and Declan but that was due to their jobs as field journalists. They were often in other countries for months at a time. But they always kept in touch with everyone back home. If nothing else, Cecilia and Murphy had managed to instill strong family values in all of them even if their family is unconventional.

“Do you know which container?” Vittoria asked the older twins, rubbing her temples at the sheer amount of filing boxes that were in that room.

“No idea. I assume it’ll be one of the easy to access ones,” Kelly shook her head.

“Knowing Mom, though, it might also be hidden in the back,” Declan chuckled. “Only one way to find out, though. Everyone grab a box and start looking.”

The rest of the siblings followed Declan’s lead and searched in relative silence for several hours. That is, until Matteo found the box showing Cecilia and their Uncle Tyler in a band. “Whoa, wait, Mom was in a band with Uncle Tyler?”

“Lemme see that,” Conan declared, abandoning his box to go to Matteo’s side. Dina followed him silently and dug another photo out of the box.

“Yeah, she doesn’t talk about it much,” Kelly and Declan replied. They realized that at some point along the way, Cecilia had stopped integrating music into their lives as much. Neither Kelly nor Declan could think of the last time their mom had gotten out her acoustic guitar and had a sing-a-long around a campfire. The thought made them a little sad. Their mother’s passion for music had been an inspiration for the two of them to follow their hobbies into careers. Kelly loved writing and had a strong sense of justice. Journalism had been a natural fit. Declan, however, had discovered a love of documenting things through picture and film. So he followed Kelly on her crusades, both watching over his sister and getting to experience the world in ways that not many people could or would.

“Can I put this on?” Conan asked, holding up the CD he had found in the box.

“Yeah, I don’t think she’ll mind,” Declan said and pointed at a CD player over in the corner. Conan quickly put the CD in it before someone could object. To his surprise, it was a rock band.

“I would never have thought that this would be a band Mom was in.”

“It’s cool--I mean, Mom is  _ always _ cool, but this makes her cooler,” Dina agreed. The triplets resumed actually looking through the boxes but made sure to put the music box off to the side so that they could look at it more later. And also pester their mother about it when she and Murphy got back from the hospital.

“These are some old journals,” Vittoria sighed, pushing the box aside. Freddie’s dark, curious eyes fell on the box. While Vittoria got up to retrieve another, he took hers and pushed his aside. His was full of old property contracts anyway. No medical histories or insurance papers there.

“Oh, this is it,” Dina called the others over to her box. Vittoria, Kelly, and Declan abandoned their boxes to go help while Conan and Matteo began putting things back. Freddie ignored them as he started looking through the journals. The dates on them were from before any of them were born. And they were better kept than her current journals, which now last her years instead of months.

He ran his hand along the top of them to get a feeling of which one to start with. One of them seemed to almost call to him. He pulled it out and flipped it open about halfway. Cecilia was arguing with Connor and Murphy about...rope?

Freddie furrowed his brows but kept reading until he felt his breath catch in his throat as his blood seemed to stop like ice in his veins. He started reading aloud: “‘ And, so, that’s how I learned that the McManus brothers had taken up the mantle of being the Saints of Boston and murdering all of the crime lords in the city. After they finished recounting falling through a ceiling vent, killing nine men, and then terrifying Rocco: I just sat there in silence. I didn’t really know what to feel. On one hand, I was in shock, but I also felt angry, sad, and a little appalled. It’s not that I’m against the death penalty, but vigilante justice is another thing entirely. I was conflicted. It was also hard for me to come to terms with the idea that God told them to murder all of the crime bosses in Boston. I was raised Catholic, but I don’t adhere or follow anything to do with the Church. I’m not even sure if I believe in God or not.’”

“What the fuck is that?” Declan asked, looking at Kelly in concern. His elder twin shook her head, red curly hair framing her face as she turned to look at Freddie before walking over and sitting next to him. They read a few pages together in silence while the rest of the siblings sat and stared.

“Well, apparently being in a band isn’t the coolest thing Mom has done,” Kelly said softly before reaching for another journal. She flipped it open near the end. It was when Cecilia had left for Germany alone. She had been terrified and confused.

“I don’t think we were supposed to know about this. Probably ever,” Freddie looked up from the journal. He was a little teary-eyed. His mother never seemed this vulnerable to him before.

“Guess this explains that incident when we were kids,” Declan said softly, looking over their shoulders at his mother’s neat, cursive handwriting spilled across the pages.

“You mean that time that drunk guy came onto the dig site and everyone tried to politely get him to leave but Mom got a shotgun and threatened to shoot him?”

“Yeah, that time. Also explains why Da didn’t even bat an eye when it happened.”

“What, you think this is true?” Conan asked skeptically. 

“I’m pretty sure,” Kelly nodded. “We learned about this case in class. But briefly. The Saints disappeared entirely after they came back to Boston and wiped out the Yakavetta mob. But someone inside the FBI helped them escape. So any evidence that was catalogued was mysteriously lost or destroyed. It’s part of the reason that database security has improved so much.”

“Also explains why Da wasn’t there,” Declan referenced their time in Germany. Kelly nodded. Cecilia had always told them that it was complicated but not malicious. The twins had struggled with it for a bit, but believed it after meeting Murphy and realizing that their dad just wasn’t like that. He tried really hard to be in their lives and be there for them as soon as he knew they existed. That’s not something that someone who carelessly abandons people would do.

“I know this is a lot, but we do need to get this stuff back to the hospital. They’re going to wonder where we are,” Dina interrupted. She and Matteo had found the forms needed while the rest of them were looking at the journals.

“You’re right,” Kelly agreed. “We’ll take care of this later. It’s not really something we can unlearn now that we’ve learned it.” She and Declan also wouldn’t let it go, even if the younger siblings would. 

Freddie frowned. “I don’t want this to be some big thing while you guys are here. Can’t we just have a nice visit?”

“It won’t be a big thing,” Declan reassured them while shooting Kelly a reminder that their family wasn’t their next big story. Kelly rolled her eyes and gave him a look to remind him that he was insane and she was clearly aware that this wouldn’t be a big story.

“It’ll be fine. No one needs to be involved that doesn’t need to be.” She stood and dropped the journal back in the box. “Now let’s go get these papers to the hospital since they lost them when they went fully digital.”

“Right,” the triplets said in unison. They put most of the boxes back into place, leaving out the Saints and music boxes, and locked the door again behind them. The drive back to the hospital was in silence, each of them working through the information that Freddie had found. Though it seemed like something that should just be left alone, they knew that they wanted to know the truth about it.

“I’m telling ye somethin’s changed,” Murphy insisted from the hospital bed. Cecilia looked at him with raised eyebrows, clearly questioning this belief that he had conjured out of thin air. He rolled his eyes. “If Rocco showed up, ye’d believe it.”

“Yeah, because I know he’s  _ dead _ and not just a figment of my imagination,” she replied as she patted his arm. “Besides, you fell and possibly hit your head.”

Murphy clenched his teeth in impatience. “I did not hit me head. I fell and broke me arm.”

“You get more Irish when you’re upset.”

“I am Irish.”

“I’m just telling you that I touched a nerve.”

“Ye’re still too sassy for yer own good.”

“I think you mean I’m too sassy for  _ your _ good.”

“I’m going to remind you of this the next time one of the kids sasses you.”

“It won’t change anything.”

_ “What won’t change anything?”  _ Rocco asked, leaning at the foot of the bed. No matter how often he pops in, Cecilia can never seem to get over how he just looks like he always has. He never changes.

“See? Somethin’s happened,” Murphy said triumphantly. Cecilia rolled her eyes but looked a bit concerned.

_ “The kids found your journals when they were looking for the medical papers.” _

“What journals?” Cecilia asked, hoping she was wrong about which ones they had found.

_ “The ones full of all the damning evidence about our escapades in Boston.” _

“Oh, those journals.”

“Ye kept those?!”

“Well, yeah, but I thought they’d find them when we were dead and gone and they’d just think we were cool, mysterious badasses.” Murphy looked torn between being happy that she had kept the records of their time together and also pissed that the kids had been able to find it so easily.

_ “Just wanted to give you a heads’ up. They’re gonna pretend that they don’t know when they get here. But they definitely know.”  _ Rocco laughed and shook his head.  _ “Kelly is exactly like you. Give the girl one clue and she wants to know it all.” _

“Yeah, she is,” Cecilia laughed with a shrug. “Thanks, Rocco, we can handle it.”

“We can?” Murphy questioned, raising his eyebrows at his wife. Cecilia rolled her eyes.

“Of course we can. We agreed we’d just tell them the truth if they ever found out.”

Murphy stared at Cecilia, unwilling to admit that he had said that only so that she would let it go and that he had never thought that the kids would actually find out about that part of their lives. But, of course, Cecilia would keep those journals somewhere that they could very easily find them. 

Cecilia rolled her eyes when he didn’t respond, clearly not having any of his non-compliance on this issue that they had settled before after a very lengthy argument when the triplets were born. And she certainly wouldn’t have forgotten an argument she had won.

_ “Well good luck. I’ll be watching. Too bad I don’t have popcorn.” _

Kelly and the rest of the siblings arrived back at the hospital and gave the papers to the check-in nurse. The nurse took them before saying that someone would come get them from their dad’s room as soon as they were done entering the information.

The eldest twins were silent, walking behind the rest of the siblings as they found their way to Murphy’s room. Dina, Conan, and Matteo were picking on each other to try and lift everyone’s spirits. Vittoria and Freddie, meanwhile, were whispering to one another and trying to figure out the proper way to act when they walked into the room. Before they had formed a plan, however, they were greeted by Cecilia waiting for them in the doorway.

Declan glanced at Kelly and mouthed ‘she knows.’ But Kelly already knew that, too. Their mother has a tendency to just know things sometimes. They’ve always thought she was psychic and they hadn’t honestly come up with another reason other than that. 

If only they knew that their mother was frequently visited by a dead best friend and whispered to by the various angels who have come into and out of her life. It was the only way God was able to speak to her. It was how she knew things that she would otherwise never know. Cecilia was still too angry over how life had been before even if she was grateful for the way that it was now. But she upheld the values that mattered even if she refused to put a name to it. And that was all that really mattered in the end.

“What are you guys up to?” Cecilia greeted them, focused on the youngest twins specifically. Freddie and Vittoria swallowed.

“She definitely knows,” Dina shrugged. “How’s Da?”

Cecilia stepped aside so that they could enter. “He’s fine.” They all filed into the room to gather around their dad. Cecilia shut the door behind them after making sure that there wasn’t a doctor or nurse headed their way.

“Well, we know Mom picked the cast color,” Conan grinned with a laugh. Murphy’s cast was hot pink. Their dad’s cheeks went a bit pink as he muttered to himself under his breath. Their mom grinned and patted his unbroken arm.

“How do you just know things?” Declan asked, curiosity killing him. Cecilia and Murphy exchanged glances.

“We’ll explain. Just not here,” Murphy said, surprising himself a bit.

“It’ll make sense,” Cecilia promised.

“So ye’re sure about this,” Murphy asked Cecilia, glancing over at his wife as she drove them home. Kelly was in a van behind them with the rest of their children. Like her mother, she was an extremely careful driver.

“I don’t think we really have a choice, Murph,” Cecilia laughed. “Knowing them, they probably found the journal that I said explicitly that you guys are the Saints.”

“Who do ye think found it?”

Cecilia thought for a few seconds and then laughed. “Freddie, probably.”

“Why Freddie?”

“He’s the sweetest and the most curious other than Kelly and Declan. He probably found it by accident and was so surprised that he shared it with everyone else. Kelly probably took the lead after that. Or Declan. Sometimes they like to change it up.”

“They take after ye.”

“Bullshit, they take after both of us.” Murphy laughed but would never admit that she was right. But Cecilia knew that he already knew she was right. And she didn’t need anyone to tell her otherwise. They pulled into the driveway. Cecilia turned off the engine. “Do you need any help over there or can you handle it?”

Murphy shot her an unamused look before dramatically throwing open the car door.

“No need to be sassy about it,” Cecilia feigned hurt feelings.

“That’s hilarious coming from ye.”

Cecilia had barely unlocked the door and opened it before Freddie blurted out: “How did you become the Boondock Saints?”

“I told you so,” Cecilia laughed, entering the house without answering.

“Yeah ye did,” Murphy agreed with a small chuckle before sitting at the kitchen table.

“Is anyone hungry? Or thirsty?”

“Coffee would be great,” Declan spoke up. Freddie looked at him as if to ask why he’s delaying the conversation further.

“Actually, do you have any leftovers you can just heat up?” Kelly spoke up. 

Cecilia smiled at her oldest and nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got that potato casserole you guys love.”

“That would good. We miss your cooking.”

“Ye need help?” Murphy asked, going to stand once again.

“No, don’t break your other arm,” Cecilia waved him off with a smile.

“I’m never gonna hear the end of this.”

“Never.”

“Why are you all just acting totally normal?” Freddie threw his hands up.

The oldest twins shrugged. “No matter what the story is, we’re still family,” they said in unison.

“Just sit down, Fred. You’re too young to worry this much,” Vittoria pushed her brother gently down into a chair before sitting beside him. The triplets also took their normal chairs at the table while Cecilia started the oven and put the leftover casserole in it to heat up. Usually she waited for it to be preheated, but it was probably better to just stick it in so she wouldn’t have to keep getting up and down to deal with it. She sat beside Murphy, who rubbed her arm absentmindedly. 

“So you guys read some of my old journals,” Cecilia took charge of the situation, studying their faces as she spoke.

“Yeah, we read the part about you finding out Da and Uncle Connor were the Boondock Saints,” Freddie nodded. “Or are? You aren’t still the Saints, are you?”

“Not for,” Murphy paused and looked at Cecilia for confirmation. She also had to think a few seconds.

“About twenty years? That sounds about right. Maybe twenty one.”

“It was right before ye three were born.” Murphy motioned to the triplets.

“Fun fact, I was pregnant with you three when I got shot in Boston.” All of the kids looked at her in surprise while Murphy placed the palm of his hand on his forehead. “Oh, you guys didn’t get that far?”

“You got shot?!” Declan and Kelly asked, staring in disbelief that they hadn’t noticed.

“Yeah, it was fine. Missed the babies and most of the vital things.” Cecilia lifted her shirt and pointed to a scar just under her bra. “That’s what that’s from.”

“You said you got caught on some chicken wire,” Conan raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I lied. It’s complicated, but I was kidnapped and then I tried being helpful and saving your dad’s life and then I got shot instead. I was not very useful in combat.”

“Not at all,” Murphy agreed. “Feckin’ smart about everything else though.”

Cecilia shrugged. “Connor did tell me I have the big brain when we all met for the first time.”

“He wasn’t wrong.”

“Should we call him to come over or do you just want the story from us? I’m sure Connor’s got some stuff to add that I don’t know about.”

“I don’t think he needs to add in anything. Unless it’s about that stupid feckin’ rope.”

“That rope is part of why I figured out it was you guys.”

“Why are you guys talking like this is totally normal?” Freddie asked.

“I mean, it is for us. I’ve known your dad since I was twentyseven. There’s not a lot we don’t know about each other’s lives at this point.”

“How’d you get away with everything?” Vittoria asked. “We’ve left the country. You’ve used passports with your real name--oh god, Murphy McManus is your real name, right?”

“Yeah, it’s me real name,” Murphy said indignantly. “It’s a family name. Just like Connor and Noah.”

“Did granda know about it?” Dina asked, tilting her head curiously. Cecilia knew she was asking how many people knew.

“Almost everybody knew or helped or was involved in some way,” Cecilia answered honestly. “Adrienne didn’t. At least I don’t think Uncle Connor ever told her. She would’ve given me shit if she knew.”

“Aunt Eunice? Uncle Tyler? Grandma?” Matteo thought aloud. Cecilia nodded.

“They all knew. Aunt Eunice is part of the reason why your dad and Uncle have no record. And why all of the records got messed up any time the Saints were mentioned.”

“She was FBI,” Kelly realized. “So was Uncle Paul.”

“He trained her, yeah.”

“Uncle Tyler wasn’t?”

“No, no. Tyler’s been my friend since college. He got roped into it because I got roped into it by falling in love with your dad.” Cecilia paused. “Maybe I should just have you all read the journals. Actually, on second thought, I don’t know what all I’ve written in them. There might be some sex stuff.”

Murphy nearly spit out his coffee and choked on it instead to stare at his wife, who shrugged.

“I wrote what I wrote.”

“Jesus feckin’ Christ, nothin’s ever sacred with ye,” he laughed. Cecilia grinned cheekily and shrugged.

“Well I’m glad we didn’t read that,” Kelly laughed and got up to get the casserole out of the oven. “Who wants some?”

“Oh, me!” Dina and Vittoria declared together and got up to help.

“Be careful, don’t burn yourselves,” Cecilia cautioned.

“I’ve got it, Mom,” Kelly assured her mother as she expertly served the casserole. “Decs and I have to cook on those little butane fires you used to use when we were really little.”

“I forgot all about that.”

“We didn’t,” Declan smiled, taking a plate from his sister and immediately digging into the food. “Oh god, we need the recipe for this for when we’re homesick.”

“I’ll write it down for you before you guys leave.”

“Make sure that’s all ye write down,” Murphy teased her. Cecilia lightly slapped his chest. The oldest twins laughed as Kelly sat after getting everyone some casserole.

“You need some help there, funny guy?”

Murphy stuck his tongue out at her but she countered by kissing it and startling him. Kelly and Declan exchanged smiles. They had been old enough to remember what it was like when Murphy came into their lives. Before then, they hadn’t ever seen their mom that happy. But with Murphy she was happier, more relaxed, and just seemed better equipped to handle life. It made them happy to be reminded that those feelings had never faded for their parents.

“Does Uncle Klaus know?” Declan realized. “Uncle Romeo?”

“Both helped the second time,” Cecilia nodded. She looked over at Murphy. “Maybe we should start at the beginning?”

“We’ll forget something that way,” Murphy agreed.

“I’ll get the journals,” Declan offered.

“Grab the music box, too, I wanna hear about Mom being cool  _ and _ a badass,” Vittoria called.

“I’ll help,” Freddie laughed at his sister before following his oldest brother into the basement. They returned with the two boxes as Cecilia cleared away the empty plates into the sink to deal with later. She already knew she’d have to fight Murphy to do them even if he only had one good arm to do them with.

“Music first,” Conan and Dina insisted. Cecilia glanced at Freddie who shrugged and then nodded.

“Too bad Tyler’s not here, he’d absolutely love getting back into this,” Cecilia said as she pulled out some photos and started passing them around. Murphy didn’t have very much to add to this part of her story, so he simply watched her speak. Over the years, Cecilia hadn’t become any less charismatic and magnetic when she spoke. He had worried that she might have fallen apart after what happened in Boston, twice. But she seemed more at peace after they came back to Ireland. It was as if she had gotten the answers that she needed to fully live her life. He had wondered more than once if it would have been better if she hadn’t knocked on Noah’s door that day. But as they grew older together, he realized that that was a silly idea. It had been God’s plan to bring them together. Even if his hard-headed wife wouldn’t admit it. They needed each other no matter where they were.

“That’s so fucking cool,” Dina sighed as she looked at pictures of Cecilia on stage. “No wonder you never got all weird whenever I wanted to join a band.”

“You guys look so young here,” Matteo blurted out. He was looking at a picture of Cecilia and Murphy at McGinty’s when they had first started dating. 

“We’re still young,” Murphy scoffed and laughed.

“The fuck we are,” Cecilia laughed. Eventually, they were out of pictures and stories to talk about. Cecilia assured them that Tyler would have more to add. “Now for the heavy stuff, yeah?”

“Yeah,” the kids all said in unison, watching their mother’s hands lift some journals out of the box. She looked through the first few pages of a few of them before picking up what she deemed to be the first one.

And, so, Cecilia and Murphy read through the journals (omitting anything that would’ve made the kids blush) and provided anecdotes about their life at that time. It was late into the night before Cecilia closed the final journal and looked around the table. A few of them had cried at certain points--hell, she and Murphy had cried at certain points, too. That time in their lives felt like so long ago.

“Would you do it all again?” Freddie asked softly, studying his parents as they looked at one another. They were both puffy eyed and tired but they smiled, staring into each other’s eyes.

“Again,” they replied softly.


End file.
